July 2025
June 2025
RELATIONSHIPS:
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From the Universe..... :
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THE ANSWER IS HERE: THE ANSWER HAS COME: COMMUNICATION
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I knew with time; I had no idea what it would form like in my mind; it all comes from Christ from the middle of the Universe; THe mind of the Universe; From Christ; from God!
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IT has come; It has formed; THe answer is three dimensional... Its like a round or oblong swimming pool. It is a three dimensional Organic COMMUNICATION A.I. Its a tool; its alive; its a generator; its a machine; an Organic machine; its an opening into another world. Its a combat system like in Dark Souls 3; Or Dark Souls Remastered; Its a living thing with dimensions and sides and depths.
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In this realm; This communication realm is space and Time and volume; it is a learning center. Its purpose is to conquer through communication all things that would be walled when no communication exists... Its purpose is to strike first; expose the enemy to telling the truth or being confronted with truth; and thus at some soon point; make a decision...
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When younger; I missed marriage opportunities because I could no longer speak; if I had my communication A.I. With me; that system would have taken over; and completely interrogated the structural emotional cultural psychological spiritual structures; expressed my most fundamental interests; I would be able to take over using communication to map my intent completely; all of it to the viewer... No stone unturned.. They would know exactly who I am and where Im coming from; my interests and intent... And from that vantage point we could move forward if chosen. I could find out information about the other person; who are they? What's really on their mind... What is their goals and intent concerning me and themselves; what roll do I play in their future.
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I can strike first; I can practice. I can create ways of walking into this furnace force field and be immersed in communication; thus expressing out all intent and directions of interest before it ever happens... Put it all on the table and start their...
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THis is more then so very important. And the mechanical make up of such forces; I see an outline and graphical visual of such things in my head; coming from the universe.
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THis is the system that will save my ability to create relationship; I'm a sense robot; Ill create them with words long before I create them in reality. I can smish smash words in any direction; molding them; smashing them... creating like clay... any form of future for the viewer to see feel and be aware of...
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I can create intent and let the viewer see it before it happens. A large enough bank of communication solves everything I have been working toward. I can smother my intent upon their body like putting mustard on a coney-island Hotdog
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Now; I learn how to express it; working within its borders; the ocean of communication; I use this to express the truth of my situation from many aspects; within this color world.
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My point is; the universe has allowed me to see it in a specific gyrometric form. Its a tool; a thing; a living organism. Its a living breathing dragon...
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With this communication concept; as Im describing it; Its like becoming a master of sword fighting. Master of something that will help me in relationships to guarantee a more accurate possibility.
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I had young innocent thriving communication abilities of such potentials when young; but they were carried away with the ocean current of deceptions... I lost them as I lost myself; I was defeated by dark forces that had been aspired against me from the beginning of my origins. I was not aware of their poisons nor their magic; and I was tricked; tripped and trampled upon and of serious enjory. All I could think about was escape. I was wounded... and a broken man... Or a sad withdrawn boy with no future and no hope who no longer cared to be here anymore... I was not interested in living or any such vehicle that might take me to such a place. I was injured; I wanted a deep dark cave to sit in; within the dark in the ways of darkest areas and to be in silence of my ruptured dieing spirit... For I was already dead and could not speak... Soon my body would begin to die as my mind had been... my soul was hiding somewhere in the universe.... The energies of the universe argued with my soul to return; but my soul defended its position; it would not come back to this planet; It refused; it was a useless place with useless purposes...
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Now; things are different; THe universe came to me; My soul brought the universe when it returned to me. and thus the universe has been working in me ever since. I am connected to the universe. Now I have to learn to protect myself on planet earth. And to let Christ help me go after my dreams!
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Communication; the larger concept is the next Tool the universe has brought me... THe ability to use communication as a communication device in my favor to win over representation for the procurement of relationships; or basic honest down to earth friendships.... anything...
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So; dont be surprised if the Thinker has jumped from his stone carriage onto the ground around him; meaning; I have leapt from the grey painted straitjacket the orderlies put me in; and the blind fold has been taken off. you will now find me with enthusiasm for my future; for I know what to practice to build my walking strength down my fiery lane.
The point is; IM BACK... GOd is giving me the tools right now to practice. I feel like Im 14 years old again; Im not kidding; the universe is giving me the secrets a 14 year old is presented with to build his life for his future in the here n now for what he wants that day. I am no different!
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PROBLEMS; Im still sick; still wounded!
I'm still broken and believe I must turn to my abusers and ask their permission if I am to talk to someone. I still have been broken into that trauma bonded realm with the murder'rs... Ill keep working with God to get stronger... Its not an easy thing this trauma bond stuff. It is so very sad...
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WORK;
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Unbelievable; WHat am I supposed to do with my life; Well now? I think THe universe has brought me some answers and those answers are in my soul. As I become more of my soul and my soul is aligned with the universe; answer I find... my soul spreads outward and finds things on the floor of the world and picks them up and say; " I think I will make that mine!".
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Since Im attempting to be 14 years old again... Universes orders.... I am being created in the image of such things... And what a great thing this is; YES!!!!
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A list please of the most important tasks on earth that my heart can conceive for its survival;
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1. Video games... Not just video games; but the ability to go back in time and be of humble origins and ask the universe to give me enough experience where a beautiful thing happens; Just like an innocent 14 year old; I take video games seriously... I step back in time to the late 90's and start playing RPG games with no real movie graphic style; only basic movements of subjects with lots of written dialog choices and skill sets with percentages. Fallout is the best example... the first 2 games... Ive been mentioning that game a bit... My GOd; the great thing about this is; Im so in line with myself. This is just perfect; Im going back to my original origins and taking back myself my life from the kidnappers that destroyed them; and Im taking back my life from the forces of evil that vanished all purpose from a life and left me cold and without hope or direction or purpose or the ability to find such things. Well; IM BACK; And its the little kid (with GOd)in me that is running and playing right over the top of that cleaned up evil( God went into that Satanic mill; got some soap; scrubbed the inside of that factory of its dirty grime; got an industrial pressure hose and washed the whole thing clean; washed it out; its all cleaned up) ( opened all the windows to let it dry out) ) pulled all the rugs and furniture and equipment; its all cleaned out)( its empty of evil) And in that process as I trampled evil with my child like intent. I find purpose; perfect purpose for that hidden child; for that child walked up to Jesus Christ; pulled on his robe; Jesus bent down; and the 8 year old whispered in his ear and secretly told him what he wanted.. ANd Christ made it so.... In Christs world I get to be anything I want to be.
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I have perfect purpose.... Im doing the things I would have been doing right before I was set adrift...
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Today; I get to go back and be myself again as that child.... and build myself right back to me again;
before I was thrown away; Long before they got me. TO build myself back long enough to create a foundation anchor in my childhood before the monsters came. The seriousness of interest and enthusiasm in video games is the work a child prospers to... And this work of enthusiasm will create a bridge all the way into my 14 year old self and beyond; that enthusiasm will carry right into my adulthood self. For they are all the same and one with the universe. IT is all perfection with the universe.
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The fact I would step out an become a video gamest; a real one of real intent and interest; is simply unimaginable marvelous! Its the real me; Its me taking control of my life from ages 9-15... Perfection! You can thank Christ for this!
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PLASTIC MODEL KITS>>>
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Ive got about 200 plastic model kits; and I simply am enchanted to the point of love. Its just unbelievable. I have my table set up for building and painting my plastic model kits. Ive got all kinds of models. THE REAL ONES> Ive got that basic kind; like a basic car kit anyone can buy; 80-120 piece kit; for any age to build; its all good.
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But I also have plastic model kits for the adult enthusiast. These are a different animal and these come from China hobby companies... These range from 300 pieces on up; and one is suppose to have experience building plastic model kits to build these. They should take much longer and have more care.
ANd then the next realm up; THe plastic model kit for the SERIOUS ADULT COLLECTOR... THese are not for beginners; these are for advanced modelers... Prices for these models go anywhere from 70 dollars to 700 dollars. We are talking about piece count of 500 pieces to 1500 pieces to 1700 pieces. Some of these kits are huge... And for the adult professional modeler; Ive heard of them building on one model for several years... I have a number of these models as well; a small fortune worth. It will be years before Im good enough or worthy enough to work on one of these models. Its a waist of time to work on one of these expensive models when one does not have any model skills developed; meaning; unless one just wants to for the fun and experience of it...
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In my model system; the way I put models together; Im new to all this and a beginner; Ive made about 5 models now; Im now working on my 6th and 7th model...
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I take about a month to build the basic model; 70-120 piece.
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I take about 2 months to build anything with 200-300 pieces; something like that.
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FOr bigger models; those can take several months; maybe 2-3 months each if thats what I want.
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One idea I have is.
I have one model building on one side of a 6 foot table; a basic model that Ill work on for about 1 or 1 1/2 months.
On the other side of the table Ill be working on another model; but Ill choose a much more challenging adult model build. A model that will take me 3 to 6 months and beyond; that kind of thing... I like that idea. I just slowly appear on the right side of the table at times and nabble with my bigger larger model kit every once-in-a-while...
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However,
because Im new; its smart for me to take my time; research every model for a few days or a week; make some drawings of the model; find out the history of the model before I work on it. Its kind of fun that way and its cathartic...
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Its a reasonable idea that I ill be working on and finishing a model; one at a time; about 30 basic models before Im even any good to move on to a serious attempt at an adult model enthusiast level. Its just a smart way to look at things. Models are not cheap... When I was a kid; they were 2 bucks and the stores were full of them. Now they are 40 bucks and you have to go to China to get some select types... Sure; basic hobby stores in America have some... Great; but their selection doesn't change... nothing could feel more normal for me; I just love doing this during the day.. being part of it; building models; its so introverted like me.
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I can tell you; Ill be happy building models until the day I die... I literally will not run out; its like an inheritance from GOd.
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SO; is pure happiness...
Being dedicated to the origins of Video games and starting with those and learning about video games and being willing to watch video game walkthroughs on youtube of 25 year old video games; I want to experience the beginning of a franchise of an important video game accumulation of work by a famous video creator company and famous producers of those games; to be so into it and appreciative of it; is just so damn cool! And its all stemming from a 9-15 year old me in me who now gets to do it right... and it just feels like HEAVEN; Its pure perfection! ITs purity; its exactly what the innocent enthusiast young man in me or brooding brightening boy in me would want to do if he could come back to reality; Well; Sunny Jesus has brought me back to reality; Hello Reality; and what am I going to do in this reality today; Well; A serious dedicated study of E'fn cool video game history; And build plastic model kits.. couldn't ask for anything better. And that's exactly what Christ wants me to do; Because its pure happiness; it just is; its all I care bout and think about... but that's not all.
Jesus also plays video games....
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ART creation
MUSIC practice
Story writing.
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Music practice has taken off to the next level. Much like going back to my 14 year old life; or that Christ has opened it up; to a pure form of happiness; Christ has lept me forward in a quantum Leap. Where I could not get into my music; suddenly as I've advanced forward with the universe; suddenly Im feeling more inline and confident; And suddenly More self actualization showing up; Now Im practicing at the piano like a classical student ; or a student of piano... Scales in most of the keys or all of the keys... Hannan exercises; a few at a time. Im not doing them in all keys; Im picking one new key and playing 5 Hannon scales.. At some point when Im better Ill add more keys; its time consuming; arpeggiations; practice both hands with a few different ones or maybe just one... practice thirds.... And then I love to fool around with stuff that sounds like Im playing Bach counter point. Im really into the idea of free form counterpoint in minor keys and really slowing down and getting into practicing techniques that would allow me to imitate that on the keyboard. I know it would take major work to just fool around with a concept like that; and actually wait and practice long enough to actually hear something tangible come out; but I really really dig it. I really love it... And I like to create my own songs but have not been able to yet. Haven't been able to finish anything practical that I could sing at the piano... Not yet; that's to much self love and accomplishment in reality. I cant handle that yet; that's 2 much for me.
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Art work; Not yet; but confident that things will move forward; I see many little signs always showing up.
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I think Art has grown enough for this round; And all things have advanced; I mean; Art and music are back; they've been back for a long time. Ive just not taken anything to the next level; Ive not had the maturity developed yet and Ive been waiting and working on the concept of getting relationships back in my life; working over the PTSD CPTSD or Dissociative Disorder and or AVPD and Agoraphobic concepts. ANd other things.
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Im now waiting on the universe to step up and get the techniques or knowledge I need to create relationships again so I can have my own family these days or what ever else I want to create on this planet. ( the key here is the ability to create my own relationships in the present never needing to go back to the past for any reason because Im not lacking any abilities in the present)( and that is the miracle of all this) and that more n more is happening; God is spitting out what I need to make things happen just like I had asked through the time periods of my interests; what ever that means!
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So; right now the relationship concepts that would further my explorations into the knowledge of creating relationships is getting answered... the ability to have a relationship again ( to be in relationship life) Ill keep working at this until I come back to the present and the hard cutting edge of existence... ! So; relationships are the next thing the universe is answering for me and what I am learning how to work on; I have much work to get my confidence back. I literally have to be out of the past into the present right now... So; that will take so much work; but its all possible and happening in its own beginning way...
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Most of what Im writing about I felt years ago; felt deeply about; fantasized about; years ago but had no idea how it could ever happen. GOd can do anything and is!
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As for the larger answer of COMMUNICATION; THats it. I mean; I know what to practice; its all in that realm. And its that simple.
And any relationships that were blown out when young or I was in the wrong relationships when young; its all about communication or lack of with the right and wrong people. Now; Im looking to overhaul the complete system and come back to confident life again; only this time; by earning every inch of it... earning the ability to have a voice again and meaning and interest in things and communicating those things to others in an appropriate way that creates success for myself.
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The ability to communicate....
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