Im in the middle of another big change... More than a big change; its like going from the water to land... From living on a raft to living in civilization; its one of the biggest changes...
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So; Im getting allot of turbulence from within the recovery world. Lots of dissonance from many people. lots of turbulence...
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First Love; Simply getting used by people; thats what happened. I wasnt paying attention. This was a criminal minded sociopath... So... What can say... I have to be more alert next time... I didnt expect this.. But thats how these type of monsters operate; no remorse; no concious. Im not done with this situation; but I am... Im on the edge of the next realm moving forward... Im waiting to get a bit more developed; stronger... Im on the edge of change. but not yet. I still have allot more work to do on this subject. The idea is to process through all of this until Im so strong I move right through it into reality again. And I see the crummy scumbag that caused all these problems... And I have to ask the question; Why wasnt I more alert... and allow myself to get involved with this; My God... Its like dangerous out here in life! Its not fair..... If I had been older; I would have pressed charges... These nut cases need to be in jail... and kept out of the public's eye...
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RECOVERY MEETINGS:
Lots of people causing problems for me. Or Im more aware of it; I think Im more confident and moving on. Im stronger and I think it shows. Ive watched allot of people turn on me and want to cross into my boundaries; almost so they can be in control... as I change!~
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I have allot of new steps to strengthen within my imagination. Im getting their; those steps are heading toward my goals. THe goal is to go down my higher powers pathways and stay out of anything else.
And start writing stories of where Im always winning and always successful.. always.....
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INTERACTING WITH WOMEN;
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Relative to years ago; Im much more open now around women. Im just waiting to get stronger...
Im starting to open up again as if Im in a new life.. So; things are going well. Its tuff; its not easy or simple. It will take more time.
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The idea is to move past the past and work with God attracting a girlfriend. I havent had a real one in a million years if I ever did have one. Im not sure; I dont think so; Ive never been present.
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Im getting stronger...
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One of the goals with women; being in the right environment. Im not ready for that... Im just getting used to the idea of being more present with no past... I have to get over my first love; and thats happening. Im losing more n more respect or value for that person... I have to keep going until they dont count anymore... and that is happening; but Im not there yet.... More work...
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NOTE: Its like someone is taking care of me now; looking out for me. And I and God are doing that. Im looking after the teenager in me...
I still need and want the meetings; they are support; but not everyone is safe... and I have to work with GOd on that...
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Its a trying time of work... Lots of work involved learning how to meditate more and keep setting more goals... Writing more stories... about what I want to be when I grow up...
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setting steps in my imagination forward...
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MATURITY:
What age is all this; Its like being a young teenager from a solid safe family that is taking care of me; taking care of the teenager in me... Im going back in time to pull the teenager within me; grab'n him and creating him into an new animal... this time taking care of him; looking after him... Thats whats going on here! Im keeping him away from trouble makers like before; people trying to play him and destory him for kicks.. sickening; it is what it is... ITs the darker part of society! The evil side... So; me and God are trying to wake me up and live again... Alot of this is about taking care of myself. And staying away from sociopaths...
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So; im getting it; a direction; its like having parents that care about me and want and will keep me safe; theyve grabbed the teenager in me; Me; the Universe and God... Sunny Jesus...taking care of me; And thats who I work with... Keep that teenager safe;' Kee'm safe until he can take care of himself; That after growing up much; that will be awhile; lots of growth in that; it will be a long while. Lots of journeys for this teenager... Lots of exploration learning and developing With God and Jesus and universe and me parenting all along the pathway...
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The teenager in me has to heal as well; and has become stronger.. THat will take much time..
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