July 2025
June 2025
Developmental stage;
Developmental stage through my life; every part of it that I missed; from all ages... From the beginning through 20..
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Retracing those stages and looking at what strategy the universe can give me to develop is whats most important.
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Many of the Girls I was interested in or best friends I thought I had; I was under the deception that God was behind it; God was not with those people I met; those women I took an interest in; the few. God was nowhere to be seen. The best friends I had; God was nowhere... So; this is a lesson for me.
I did feel the presence of the universe; the power for direction; but I ended up in the wrong places and was destroyed.
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Those people I found myself around when young;
I specifically wanted those people to love me, take care of me, take me under their wing; birth me; bring me up; develop me.. Help me develop... Be my helpers. Thats why I was their; I thought they were angels sent by God to help me. They ended up demons with false lights attached to their hips or forearms. Satan created a false light to look like GOds light; and it attracted me at a time I was a simple minded innocent person... I walked into a trap.
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NOTE: Ive always been a genuine sampled minded innocent person. I always will...
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DEVELOPMENT COMES FROM GOD>
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Im pulling away from those people of the past in my imagination and allowing God the direction to hold and grow me up; grow me up the way I thought those friends and their families would grow me up. In the end; Those people had no interest in me; never did from the start; they looked at me as something to manipulate bully and throw away...
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So my heart was broken; not only having no family that cared about any part of me; for developing my life.
Finally I turn to the neighborhoods I lived in for help ; when young;
out of desperation; I turn to the neighborhood for help when young; and they lead me on and destroyed me... I was mortally wounded... Its like being stabbed 60 times all over my body and mind... THey want to kill me; that's all they wanted....
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HERE I AM NOW;
Working with God; And as the universe shows me tactics to teach me how to walk forward and walk backward out of trouble from bad places in my past ( I am learning to manage this or work at it slowly).
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With the ability to walk forward or backward from a past event; all in my imagination; if I can learn to handle this; and its painful; These events were major events in my life. As I walk in my imagination I can navigate the direction within my past. I can walk up to a destination and or walk backwards out of a destination; thus roaming around in my past in real time; picking what I want to visit and work through.
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The key to This?; Why is this so important to be able to walk and roam?
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Im able to walk out of situation while Im imagining them. Im able to work with God for safe places to roam back to; once in these safe spaces; I can begin to work on developing; developing my beginning life that never got to develop; I get to develop it in my imagination; I can work with God to pick any age and any level of development. By doing this; I begin the process of taking my own like back. I dont need others to develop it; at least in the beginning. I can ask God for the right people to show up in my imagination to rally me; lift me up; be my support... Safe is everything. Safe people.
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I can now walk away from bad situations in my past and walk from those bad situations into safe spaces within my imagination and start developing myself.
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The goal for 90% of my associations with people when young; to develop. I wanted to develop so I could have my freedom; so I could have a life. I mean; its like this for everyone; thats everyones life long experience; to continue to develop and grow; I think its a universal natural principle. Im assuming. I haven't read it anywhere....
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My problem when young; I had no family. No one place; and no one safe. And I had no friends. So; the fake friends I made; I gave way to much power and authority and value... Later finding out; they were covert narcissists or sociopaths and or sadistic and sycophants; degenerates in white collar houses; or just spoiled middle class kids with no problems; In some cases; signs of self harming psychopathy; and later to harm me with no remorse if they could get away with it. I needed help. I was around the wrong group of people. I thought I would be accepted as I was; I was completely wrong! I was never needed or accepted by anyone.
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So; I never did find anyone to help me. I was led on several times and completely flipped upside down; having the rug pulled out from under me. In a sense; this is what they do to God people.
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I thought God had sent some people to help me. I was Wrong!
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I believe God was building me up as I had asked; But when it came time to take action; I unfortunately went in the absolute opposite direction of where God was directing me; I ended up at the houses of Godless liars pretending to be nice decent neighborhood people... At first I got groomed in; and later for long time periods I was being deceived. For a long time I saw nothing; nothing wrong; never even questioned anything. It was later when I really needed help; Suddenly the masks came off and the horror of what I had gotten myself into. I was devastated and completely heartbroken; and it was a kind of sadistic abuse toward me... As if they had set me up... And this happened at different time periods with several different people I befriended... They did not end up as my friends or people who wanted to help or had my best interests at heart; they turned out to be pure evil malicious offenders; really sickening monsters.
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The fact I had befriended several people that ended up as offenders with no concious led me to believe I had set myself up for every weirdo looking to take advantage of someone. I learned that Real people; Decent people; Kind people; did not have open doors to others; these people had locked doors and it took an invitation to meet them... Decent nice people kept their doors locked not open for anyone to enter...
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So; I was looking to develop; Instead of development I ended up getting knifed to death over n over by pretend friends (spoiled people; pathetical) who were waiting in the dark to shed my blood; thrill seekers seeking to destroy the innocent ( and this makes me stop and think as the universe puts a thought in my head; Why would the innocent be around durranged spoiled evil pathological people?). And I was destroyed and manipulated; my mind and nervous system ripped in pieces... destroyed...
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NOTE: I can understand my un experienced self when young looking for nice people.
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When it comes to these people; I have to ask the serious question; Why was I ever around these type of people. I was thinking that maybe I watched to many TV shows when young. And I thought everyone was nice like the people on the TV shows.
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I ended up around a bunch of false lights. I innocently walked into them. I was destroyed by them.
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I did not seem to have the ability to walk away; I was like a 2 year old with my eyes closed and my arms out; I just wanted to loved by anyone; noticed by anyone; cared about; wanted; anything... And because of it; I ended up around evil... I accidently walked into the houses of evil.
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Im still needy today; I work with God but Im much wiser... Ill work with God on what I want and stay away from the world.
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Ive talked about my First Love ( Who was never a first love). Ive now; met several women like her; from a distance. IVe seen them get mens attention in different ways from a distance; Its a lie.. and with enough time and distance; They were found out! They were not real and then I watched them walk away. Those type of people consider a person like me a weakling to be played with. I stayed my distance until I could see their true colors; one might say! They were just playing others... But I never ever allowed them to get close to me; never... Its all a game for these jackals out here! They throw out the bread crumbs watching to see if one will take the bait. If they dont; these people laugh all way to the bank. Im expendable to people like that. See how many people they can rope in and manipulate; it gives them a thrill. Unfortunately I meet more n more like this in this day n age. In most cases its all Ive ever met.
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Id like to say I was fooled by others; in many cases they had always been Jackals; before and after i meant them and long after I got away from them.
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God will find me the right people and send them down my path when Im ready or developed enough for them. Im not sure what they look like; only what their heart is like... Hopefully. I dont know when Ill be ready. So far; no one has seen me of any worth or value. So far; the fact Im a decent person; disgusts most women. bring up God means nothing to them... And I dont know what to think about that......
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I have to remember my quality as a human being; thats what Im hoping god will bring me; the same kind of people. We will see; either way; I go through God... Thats whats most important... Thats the lesson I have to learn.
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MATURITY;
So; I was not from the same class or group of people when young as those around me. I was a throw away very young and thrown away before that... I was mostly alone. I tried to reach out; but I was completely manipulated... I did have some basic friends on the south side of where I lived.
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I could not function around any regular people; they were 2 spoiled. Its as if we came from different worlds. To me; those people are not safe... never were; never will be.
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Right now Im around program people. People in 12 steps and other recovery things; Theres very little personal anything with them. I know a few people... The rest are; people in the recovery process... I go for my personal development and to share about how God is working in my life. Ive never really been 2 interested in the faces in recovery. Ive been a loner through most of it.. I have asked for help from a few; not ever really sharing the deepest stuff; but enough to get better....But Im not really sharing anything really personal; personal.. I will in step work but still; my personal life is not brought up in those places; not the tracable stuff.
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SOCIAL LIFE:
I work with God. ITs up to me and God and my ability to manifest with God down Gods pathways...
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NOTE: Im NEEDY; This makes me susceptible to others who will or can play me; and they do; if they think they can fool me and get away with it.
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Ive had no respect from 99% percent of the women Ive met. However; a few standout... a few. 3 maybe.... I think these women are bright sensitive and in trouble. They had problems and seemed to appreciate things more.
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Im at that stage; that place of slowly moving toward Gods pathways... and working within those pathways for the rest of what I want out of my life!
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WHY DID I MEET THE WRONG PEOPLE WHEN YOUNG;
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That is a good question. Maturity problems have something to do with it. I didnt seem to have the ability to leave or stay... I needed help from state agencies... I was around the wrong people. In my experiences the general public or pure evil! Dangerous; they play with people who are in trouble; they dont help them. Scary! I dont want anything to do with them. I was literally destroyed several times trusting them. They cant be trusted at all. They are liars; and it wont affect their futures as far as they are concerned...
I was naive and a nice person; I wanted to be around nice people in a nice world; I never found it. I was destroyed several times.
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NOTE: CAN I BE TRUSTED? Not with my immaturity; I could not start relationships. However, I never met anyone nice to have a relationship with... THese were all middle class'rs... And they were scary people I had nothing in common with. They turned out to be spoiled people. They had no respect or value for me as I am. THey would lead me on then spit in my face; they had no problem doing this to a point I had permanent damage. Permanent mental damage; or my nervous system.
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Most of the women Ive met are evil. THey are truly Godless. THey do not think in terms of having a conscious. FOr them; Right is wrong; and Wrong is right. And it doesnt really matter to them either way! A mound of dirt and a stack of pure Gold bars; They do not see the difference in value. Its like being overwhelmed in a society of them. Its always been this way since I was born.. Ive met some good people I guess. Maybe not! I dont know! Ill have to stick with God. I have met a few.
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Most of the men Ive met that were supposed to be popular and such; Jackals. No real values; spoiled. I did not fit in with them. I did at first; but after a few weeks or a few months I started reading between the lines; and realized these were not nice people. And its those men that dated the women I felt were spoiled with no concept of right or wrong.
NOTE; I guess I never really met my tribe. My trauma tribe; I was always a loner! I had no choice.
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NOTE: Im not perfect; Im just a regular guy. I have to have God in my life to survive! Im not special; Im just a guy trying to survive who wants to learn how to swim again in life; to live. ive been severely damaged in my life by being around people. Ive had to work with God to have any reason or purpose to live .
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God will bring the right people. Ill go through Gods pathways...
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So; I have allot of work to do working with God.. God is my only direction left.
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I need Gods protection everyday.
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