This may be the turning point of the next chapter of my life. In fact; I might be the beginning signs of what Ive been working for from the beginning; To get up to speed and frequency; that while working with a higher power I have now began to actually align under the higher power through surrounder to those things I directly want or wanted.
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Here is an example; ill use music and art and relationship and other things as an example.
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What has happened to me right now is extremely important as the alignment of the important things in my life is now directly under the power and care of a higher power; That means my evil or arrogance or narcissism is not in control... I relinquish that control fully under the care of my higher power; And that is not an easy experience to allow. In fact; It cant happen unless many prior equations are worked out understood and in place. Its a kind of natural process to get other things in placement. Years of work... But its done by the heart.
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SO; Relationships; Finally I accept I was dealing with narcissists I was trying to change; dangerous people. I was playing God and I wanted to be Jesus and love them; take them under my wing; Such things would give me purpose in life; great purpose. The problem is; One does not seek evil in order to create harmony.. I sought evil people; I thought I would control and mold them... I would be the savior in their lives; they would look up to me as God and thus I would have continuous love and be admired...
The problem was; I was seeking evil people to fall for me. They did not! Instead; I got groomed; flipped upside down and destroyed. I was disarmed very quickly... I was manipulated and rolled; one might say. I was with liars who lied to me from the beginning. I never knew. I was in no position to deal with criminal minded evil in the real world; I was still living according to TV sitcom realities...
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I had walked out harmlessly into the arms of murder'rs... And I was murder'rd.
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My Pride would not let me see the truth. Now I see the truth; Here is the truth;
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What I needed was strait aligned help with relationships... this is where all the pain resides and the hardness and hurt. deep hurt. Death hurt! My worst narcissism.
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My hardness would never allow me to bow down in this direction to a higher power; but it is now. The freedom comes when I decide to allow my higher power to take full control of my relationship ideals and interests and work direction under a higher powers care for relationships; That means 100% surrender. That is not easy; its a got a strange feel of direct character viewing from my higher power; to me. Meaning; someones watching my character; My motives. I surrender to this.
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This means my motives are complete; completely under the care of my higher power 100% surrender on this subject.
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When younger; I gave myself away to dangerous people; I being in a dream world was openly allowing evil people to eat me alive; destroy me completely; and they did. In addition; I stayed in a dream world; trying to make these monsters into innocent lost children when in reality they were Jackals who had been destroying other peoples lives and would continue all the days of their lives; They were opportunists. A person had value if the opportunist received instant gratification. When the object no longer was putting out and the opportunist was not getting pacified; the opportunist would dump the person and find another. The person was an object to the opportunist. What is the opportunist really looking for when they dump someone to get someone better; theyre looking for someone more evil like themselves. For the opportunist had no conscious; and ultimately they are looking to be shed of anyone and anything that gets in the way of their freedom of their criminal lawlessness; They will never stop... Their is no hope for these type of offenders..
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So; I have to start admitting I was wrong and dont know what Im doing concerning relationships. Im constantly getting into the wrong relationships with the wrong people; if I can even call them relationships. I was totally blind didnt care all that much about my life or who got involved in it.
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Finally; with enough help; I realize to give myself completely over to a higher power concerning this subject of relationships; working with a higher power under a higher powers care. What does this mean. It means Im not God or in control of anything; Nothing! I give all power over to my higher power God.
I realize how much concern and work must go into finding the right people to associate with and how important that is and how much time and energy and work must be extended for such an endeavor. I realize this will take much deep work and step by step cautious learning and experimenting. This is not something quick and free... This is a very slow grinding kind of situation. Much care must be put into it and work over time; tedious work.
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I did not appreciate the work that goes into getting things right and at the right frequency. This high level frequency I seek will take some demanding work. Im in no position to running the show; any show. I can be under my higher powers directions.. And take directions from my higher power concerning this... let my higher power lead and direct and find... and I stay out of it...
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Im realizing under my higher powers care; much detailed care and work goes into this.
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This will take big work and allot of tedious boring details... and Ill just have to work under my higher powers task speed... If its slow and tedious and theirs lots of work; so be it.. no problem; I know Im in good hands and on the right track working under my higher power.
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I know; when working under my higher power; having my higher power GOd Universe in charge 100%; I know Im finally on the right track to a thing.
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So when it comes to relationships; no more jumping out being compulsive; ending up with a narcissist sociopath wearing Cinderella outfit looking to be saved by every naïve fool in the Landsraadth.
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Being under a higher powers care means I go by my higher powers rules to get things done right... that is a whole other ball game. I mean; no conning on this one... nothing... no showboating... no manipulating to get out of something.
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I can say this; when Im under the care of a higher power 100% and Ive allowed alignment completely with surrender; I know Im on the right track... Thats what that means...
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MUSIC and ART; ITs the same for Music and Art; Ill work with God to learn how to align my music and art creational interests completely under my higher powers care and will. And see where that leads. Im not there yet.
I did give way to faith and belief concerning the change of heart and focus and attitude concerning music creation and art. I mean; I worked with the universe to break through walls. And it worked...
Now; if I can put myself 100% under my higher powers care concerning music and art; I wouldn't go wrong; it would be the beginning of total alignment and faith and trust in a higher power; and ultimately that is the kind of thing im seeking. That's a person who is really alive and living. thats a person who is going somewhere.
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I mentioned that its changed for me concerning relationships; My eyes are open and Im jumped to the chance to put full control of my relational life under the care of a higher power where I willingly bow down completely under my higher power... My higher power does the thinking. I use my heart... my desires...
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I would like to do the same with Music and Art to start with; Even money at a later date; we will see.
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So;
What am I trying to communicate here. I would say Im starting to get back into a place or space of liking myself and being in completely alignment with the universe is the beginning of success. one cant go wrong...
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is it easy? being in this complete alignment; meaning; is it easy to find it; to bow down to it; no! thats where all the lessons in life and learning lead me! ITs smarter to be under a higher powers care completely; this is the beginning of wisdom and success... And it means 100%... And that is something I was never able to even fathom...
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Its like being a small child under the care of loving parents who take care of me guide me develop me; want the best for me love me and take me on vacations.
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To allow a power greater then myself into these personal spaces of; The higher power will be my new mother and father and ill be a small child under my higher powers care; and I will allow or relinquish custody of myself my dreams and goals onto the hands of my higher powers care; This is a real sign of believing again. I mean; this is a sign of someone going somewhere in life. Someone who really wants and believes they are going to be big at something. Or just have a wonderful life... its like; I believe it and a person who believes; at some point will get under their higher powers care 100% completely; complete surrender.