July 2025
June 2025
So; It looks like the universe is moving me down energy river; Hurrey!~
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So Ill talk about 2 areas; Activities and Relationships; First Love( Where Im at); Music Creation( where Im at)!
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Music;
Going well..
Ive create 2 full songs; What does that really mean; its for personal use only; not to play in front of anyone; its an exercise; a rehabilitation. The key is; I had to sit and work with those songs patiently and allow my higher power to work with me in order to just finish something; finishing and making sure it was solid was more important than the order of notes I used. The notes; their placement for the sake of art did not mean to much this time. However, making sure everything was lined up; making sure intro; beginning; middle end; alternative section; ending and repeat ending; outro.. or; Beginning middle ending. All fairly even.. Sometimes this means starting in the middle or the end and working backwards to make things solid. If you listened to these songs you would hear a kind of familiar chord 4 chord structure. And the piece would end after 120 measures meaning somewhere between 3 1/2 to 4 minutes in length... Basic stuff; and the basic stuff is more important.
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I'm also using random ideas; Im taking random ideas; and going with it; but putting them in structures and limits that allow the finish of the song. The songs are just creative spirits.. a spot in time that came n went; it had no other purpose then participation-purpose. It doesn't sound necessary good; but it has one main purpose; it has to be at a standard through following specific rules and limitation; if it passes all of those rules; It can then go into the finished song bin! And thats whats important. That I have proof of participation; that I started something; was frustrated with it bored with creating it and its choices; was excited at times; followed through according to the rules; and finished it.
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By following these guidelines for my music at the moment; it creates a music work ethic focusing on music to be performed and for the purpose of being listened to by others and performed live.
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LIVE MUSIC: WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO PERFORM>
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I was watching on Youtube; some very talented people; One guy grabbed a synth; a rack of outboard gear( physical steal inclosed bloxes that manipulate and alter the sounds coming into it by a synthesizer or voice; about 12 inches by 8 inches; 2inch height. these are hooked together and then ran into the hardware synthesizer; one with plastic piano keys. and all of this is ran into a speaker; he also had mic. And he had one bigger plastic case for the outboard gear he could houz all of it in when playing. Thus; He had a synth. an outboard gear case and a speaker; and thats all he needed. It looked like he was in some part or something in an open concrete area where people could feed the ducks or sit and or; many things; he sad down on the concrete; batteried up or plugged in somewhere and just started jamming on techno... I mean; it was a beautiful thing; people started showing up from all around... What was cool; he was giving it back to the people and creating things for the people to listen to. And he just went and did it; courageously just set up same basic stuff on the ground and started jamm'n.
And their it is; I suppose one can do the same with a guitar and even a mic and Boss loop machine...
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I plan to do the same thing; I plan to be a outside music performer. It has nothing to do with anything but the naturalness of what Im suppose to do with my life.
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ART; HERE IS THE BIG STORY;
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As I get better from mental trauma( working a recovery); Im not sure how much the trauma is gone but the symptem are changing or Ive gone down through is helping; I guess; is that what Im trying to say... Im more capable in believing I can work at an activity and attempt it outside...? or a relationship.
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ART;
What is the purpose of ART; Im not going to discuss that deeper aspect in this blog.
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What is My Purpose with ART....; The universe has unfolded more in more; ITs about the courage and confidence to do what I want to do or I want and then learn to defend it! Do what makes me feel good.
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I like making stick houses on paper and that's all I want to do for the rest of my life; SO; UNIVERSE: Show me how I can build a life around my desire to draw stick houses on paper.. WHat this means; I love creating Art; its nun of your business; Now; God; build me a life around my Art fun... and Ill spend the rest of life this way... for ever; never ending... I never know another reality. And if a dominant reality tries to conform me or assimilate me; coerce me manipulate me Ill move on to new place; else before anything ever really happens; Ill just move.
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I find what I naturally love to do; I do it; I defend it and I continue to do it under Gods pathway direction because; IT FEELS GOOD... I then ask God to fortify my position in life surrounding me with the resources or psychological stabilities and help to sustain my life as I want it!
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I have to learn to stick up for myself for what i want to do; what I like to do purely coming from God. I dont have to answer to anyone. Anyone gets in the way; legal consequences... and or I move on without a sound and go somewhere else where its safe. I learn to be myself and love it and stand for it... I stand for being myself.
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ART; If I love Art and stand for it; Those who will give me purpose surrounding my art; they will show up. Those suppose to buy my art will show up. God is surrounding me as I create art; God will extend my ability to be me on planet earth... I don't have to have forced fear when I create art.
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Ill ask God what the Art is for. Meaning; where is it supposed to be presented... or what ever. What is its purpose in the hands of others; do I need to worry about it. I know Art is creative and therapeutic and rehabilitation for me.
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RELATIONSHIPS;
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So; The first thing of my new life that has to go; all memories that force themselves in my mind of other people I don't want there. I have to learn to use lots of different tactics to get them out of my conscious mind and to make a statement that I will not allow them back in under all circumstances.
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Imagined force used against those memories to get them out of my body;
I get to a point its automatics; I go into frenzy mode in my imagination imagining a force slams them around the room boxes them up; and then I through them as far away as possible; watching them fly through the sky into the abyss of the ocean blue; never to return. Maybe I through them into outer space from earth and I slowly watch them travel; after shooting them from a cannon; I watch them slowly head out into the atmosphere into the blue skies until I see them no more; Only to see them through a telescope heading out into space for good for ever; Don't come back...
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I have to put out an aggressive attack against those memories of those predators that manipulated me and got to close. in my imagination with the idea with God behind me backing me up; to get rid of their presence within me. That means; all memories that are unwanted; pop up have to be dealt with quickly brutally and completely; those thoughts must be shown that in my new life they are not allowed in my imagination mind soul body or nervous system; and I must work with the universe to get help to back this up... And that is exactly what Im doing.
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NOTE: When I feel lonely or start taking action or fantasize Im taking action; suddenly Im swarmed with past bad people that show up in my imagination that want to get close to me and be intimate and help coddle me.
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The point is; I dont want them that close to me or up close to me in real life or in my imagination. I was fooled and conned by these offender perpetrators and thus they somehow got into my space closer and closer grooming me...
Not only do I not want them in my real personal life; I dont want them play acting my my mind or imagination or nervous system.
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Its like a war inside my mind; "Who is in charge here"; I am in charge here... My mind used to think me. Now Ill decide what I want to think; Im in charge of my thinking! Ill use God to help enforce it.
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Im setting down rules within my own mind.
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Non of this is easy; its hard work especially at first; I spend half time battling old thoughts out of my head...
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Hopefully when I own my mind again it will slow down; until then; lots of commited work ahead.
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NEW RELATIONSHIPS:
Ultimately; At first; Im not trying to get into new relationships; im trying to SEE myself in new relationships within my imagination. I want to create them first in my imagination; And thats where the courage (For-Front) exists for me. I order this to happen; I finally let out upper level frequency feelings associated with the good life of feeling sensitive safe and great will exercising the right to create new relationships in my head of the perfect kind of people I want relationships with. The problem is; every lower level attached thought full of intrusive scumbags from my past; seeps into my imagination at that time; and they cling to my new life's purpose and ideas and imaginative creations; poisoning it.
I am a new person; I will have new thoughts that start right now and nothing before it. I want my imagination innocent free and with no past experience please; All New Please.. New thoughts; New ideas.
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Im trying to make a point. Ive got allot of work to do; because Im the guy who has to do the dirty work; its my brain. I can ask the universe for help; Its an inside job!
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So; When I see people like my First Love pop up in my head; she has to go because Im going to meet new people and they will be supplying me with intimacy. I no longer need my fake first love to be in my life anymore; in thought anyway! Nothing; Im moving on.
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The purpose of my writings and the Phase Im in; Im in Phase 8; is getting to a point of a new girlfriend And the performing of my music live.... That is my only goal right now; working through past stuff; getting it out of the way... So ill stop having my focus on past stuff and have it on things right in front of me or on my dreams and goals and desires in my imagination.
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I only get what I believe...
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Time to write stories about music playing live.
Time to write stories about meeting other artist so I can be part of an artist community where I critique my work.
Time to write stories about new relationships
Time to write stories about weight lose and keep it off; the right attitude and motivation.
Time to write stories about money
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