July 2025
June 2025
More answers from the universe; And they keep coming. It took me almost 15 years in the recovery process to recagnize I was getting a new answer from the GOd/Jesus/Universe; I remember; but then I was extremely mentally ill and hardened and taken over by dissociative disorder completely; D.I.D; Massive amnesia; Amnesia didnt kill me but few things suck as bad!
.
Soon I was getting message every 7 years and then 3 1/2 and then every year then every 6 months to my past life questions; questions about what happened to my life; then 3 months then 1 month then every week; Then a few times a week; then everyday... then twice a day. Then I started getting answers at 12 step meetings. And then I would start getting answers at 12 step meetings of things I questioned and brought to the universe from other 12 step meetings. And then I was getting answers; a few answers everyday. And then when I asked a question to God universe; in the beginning of one meeting; I would get an answers at the end of the meeting.
.
Now; its like a flowing river; its like; Here I am at the one point in the river; I let go of the or's; I untie the raft; I let the raft float down energy river; I just kind of spin and float slowly with the current of the energy river; soon the raft lands on an embankment on the side of the river; and I look down on the shore line; and by a tree of a grassy green knolle I see a gold box; I reach beyond the docked raft Im on; pick up the golden box; I open it; and; I find a new answer... I take the answer and put it in my pocket. I let go of the box; push off the raft from the shore and head down the energy river and I land on shore down the river on the other side; and I look and a envelope is waiting for me; I open the envelope and its another answer... And this goes on all day long until it just becomes natural and I expect it. I expect while floating down energy river; I expect to get answers now; over n over n over all day long! I expect to have my questions answered as a flow of information all day long from the universe.
.
Meditation helps with this; but being in the recovery process in general and working with a higher power and leaning on the universe for help all the time; on God; and things start to show up more n more n more; answers. Learning how successful people use the universe for answers; this is important to become a student and the teachers will appear for such things.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
THE BREAKING AWAY FROM FIRST LOVE: ANSWERS FROM THE UNIVERSE: More n more n more answers!
.
More answers from the universe...
.
Ive heard or read or watched from a youtube vid; ITs better to be single if I want a girlfriend then to go from having one girlfriend to another.
.
If Im staying over night at a girlfriends house all the time; Why would I go find another when Im getting my needs met. I might say Im looking for another girlfriend; but I wont; its because I dont need to. That suggests its almost impossible to find a new women when Im sleeping with one every night...
Its like saying; Im going out in desperation to find new food. That only works if Im hungry; hunger leads me on. If Im not hungry why would I bother.
.
Ive just eaten a large meal; stuffed myself; Im so lethargic; I just want to sleep; At that moment; is that the time; is that the moment Ill head off to the store to buy more food so I can eat at a later time of the day; Absolutely not. Im not hungry... I doubt Ill ever go to the store when Im not hungry.
I doubt Ill ever look for a new girlfriend away from the narcissist first love unless Im no longer with her; That includes; she is no longer in my mind or nervous system; I can just as easily live off fantasy girls in my head as I can a real one.. I know; Ive done it for years..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
Trauma ruins everything;
.
I was never able to get over my first love because I never had to. I was never able to get over my first love because staying co dependent with her in my mind; she was all I had; I had no one else; at least not emotionally.
.
I felt my first love was the best person I ever met to be close enough for a life long relationship; if shes the top of the game; why would I bother with anyone less.
.
I was addicted to her; to the way she made me feel; I had no interest in anything else; I just wanted my FIrst love drug! She was a drug I couldn't live without.
.
I had a feeling of pride associated with being fiercely loyal to her because she presented her self as a lost soul; like a lost little girl that need to be loved.. It made me react with feelings of total life purpose; My whole life journey was to save her.. That's all that mattered.
.
PORN; This did not help the situation; It made me lazy... Porn creates a kind of safe intimacy; that's why I watched it; it was safe; I didn't have to deal with other deceptive partners who lie and cheat on people and criticize. WHo didnt appreciate anything; So; people; innocent people that get hurt; its easier to watch porn then be in the real world; I guess.
.
Watching porn is not strong enough to make me go one way or the other... its not why I did not didnt get into relationships. Its just a kind of dissociated diversion. A response to trauma associated with reality. Reality; the in ability to solve any problems over my head; I just turned to watching porn while I was maybe working on answers or in a state of trauma and couldnt work on any answers.
.
The point about Porn might be mute; It might be the poor mans hobby because its to hard to get into ones one psychology and find out who they really are; thus working with a higher power to find a real hobby.
.
The only reason I bring it up is; At some point Im going to go back out into the real world... However; that starts in my head... My imagination; Im going out into the real world in my imagination; and what I create in my imagination; Ill attract in the real world. Thats the idea...
.
The Porn thing is just my opinion; I have lots of opinions about it; I may mean nothing at all; porns no different then drawing a picture; they are both distractions...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
Back to reality;
.
The old story of the First Love girlfriend; It has to change in my imagination.
.
The work Im doing now is very difficult. All of my work is done in my imagination. Its very hard. I do allot of writing to change my story... Im changing my story in many ways; here are some;
.
1. I see myself fighting my first love.. Im punching and hitting and smashing to get away from her in my imagination. I realize with her deceptive nature; and lies she is actually dominating the relationship and thats been the goal the whole time; for her to take the relationship over completely; its about power to dominate and she does this throw lying and deception.
.
2. I see myself physically taking real foot steps backing out from her and her house and stepping down the road back to my house; ending up in my room again and praying...
.
3. I see myself fighting back against her in my imagination to get her out of my presence to the point that I am now dominating the situation; and I push her right out of the picture completely. I have taken my power back and she is leaving.. I no longer want those fake intimate pictures and memories I created of her.
.
I created those fake memories of her being intimate with me because I was all alone and desperate and they seem to make me feel filled up as a person. But they were all fake; its like I was living off them for years for intimacy...
.
NEW STORIES FROM THE UNIVERSE;
.
Now; I have some new earned stories from the universe; I cant stress enough to continue to write new stories about what I want and the new way I want to see everything. Writing is the closest thing to pushing new thoughts into my imagination; its an automatic way to create in my imagination.
.
NEW STORIES WITH EXPLANATIONS:
.
The new stories about my First Love; First; She is faking everything; Fraud. She is not on my side; not my friend. Never was; never had any interest in being so; nothing. Never will be; just a con artist manipulator of people; 2 faced liar... She is a liar; the bad kind! To manipulate people to cause harm to others... She gets off on it!
.
NEW STORIES>
I see myself taking steps out of her house and away from her and her house; I practice taking those steps in my imagination.
I see myself making my way down the hill where she lives; but this time the universe has brought me something new. This time; I see myself meeting a new girl; young women; assuming Im the same age and Im younger; its in my younger years; I see myself at the bus stop; but this time Im meeting a new girl... So Ill talk about this.
.
.
IM MEETING A NEW YOUNG WOMEN IN MY IMAGINATION;
.
THis is the first time the universe has helped me solve this situation with my first love by introducing a new women in the mix; This is very important.
.
I could not ever think of introducing a new women in the mix because no one was as good as my first love.
However, thanks to the universes information dropped into my mind all the time; I discovered that my first love was lying; She was grooming me; charming me on purpose to control me and to lead me into situations where I would loose my identity with her and become trauma bonded.
.
So; the universe has shown me that altho I remember sitting with her and talking with her and how wonderful it felt and I felt like a king and I felt like I was with my best friend; It was all faked?
.
HEres the deal; nobody has got it this good. No women out here is ever going to naturally be that good a best friend; Meaning; Women are normal to; just like guys are... Nothing special here nor needs to be.
My first love created a fictitious personna to maneuver me in. No real human being acts like that around other humans. She was a total fake...
.
NOTE: My First Love was a Drug dealer; She was the drug. And like most drug dealers when they start out; their looking for money. They are businessmen looking to make cash. So; My first love was selling her self as a drug; She was a drug to me; she presented herself in a way that would trigger my hyped interest in her as a drug; But drug dealers are selling drugs to make money; what was she making from me; what was she getting; Full control of another human being to play out her narcissist fantasies; to destroy someone slowly and watch; sociopathic thrill ride.. Psychopathy; What else could she do; she had no remorse; no soul; was completely lawless and dangerous; The psychopath must put on a mask for general society in order to fit in; and that she did with me... So; no real human being here..
What does this mean; it means my first love was really a boring person who could not sustain anyone's interest for long; she did not have the honesty or character for such things. I cant think of any women that would be perfect at this and I cant think of any women that is suppose to be. ITs all lies.
.
Heres the point; I did not have some super good time with my first love; it was faked by her to seem better then what it actually was; she did this to lure me in to break me and control me.
.
.
With this information;
I then am missing nothing heading outward and finding a new girlfriend.
.
No appreciation for women;
I would not be able to treat new women like they are a drug; they will be regular normal women... Just regular normal women; and Ill have to be a regular normal guy to be with them; no fancy movie star moves on either side...
I would have to humble myself and learn to apricate women again and stop putting such a high expectation on them that was never real in the first place. And women dont have to have such a high expectation of the ability to make me feel perfect. Ill work with God to make me feel better.
.
So; I now see myself coming down from her house down the hill to the bus stop; But this time; Another women is waiting for me. And when I get to the bus stop; I grab the women and we both get on the bus together and sit by each other and I learn to talk and be in another relationship with someone.
.
THE NEW STORY:
.
The new story is; Ive broken away from my true love; I see myself taking steps down from and away from her; Im fighting my way out away from her and her house hold; I see myself taking steps done from her house to the bus stop; I have a new girlfriend waiting for me; I see my new girlfriend; I hug her kiss her hold her get on the bus with her sit down with her and ignore everything and everyone else. and I learn to put the focus on the new girlfriend and be off with myself and her.
.
And I see myself with this new girlfriend creating this new life together. And this time its more normal; its not some narcissist trying to create a fake overly dramatic situation of charm where she gets what she wants.
.
NOTE: THe problem with getting the new women from the old is; My First Love was faking it. and I had a fierce loyalty to her; I was being manipulated.. She acted as a lone broken maiden that only I could fix and bring back to life. Thus; that fierce loyalty will become problematic in leaving her for someone new. However; this can easily be overcome when I look at the facts; in the end; was she ever loyal to me; NO! In fact; she is the most un loyal person who ever lived. She is or was a liar; and nothing more... And So; theirs no one who really is a broken maiden here looking for a loyal King or Knight... Its all fraud... And this First Love is a Dangerous Narcissist sociopath and sadistic with psychopathy traits.. They have no concious; no remorse; nothing; No soul... RUn!
.
Imagining a new relationship; the focus is now on a new person and my back is turned on the old permanently;
In my new relationship; its more balanced and normal. She doesnt have to be anything more then a general regular normal person; And I see myself giving up my old first love for this new girl and the rest of the story is how Im interacting with that new girlfriend. Something normal again!
.
NOTE: The real hardship here; This means; my ego deflates extensively; Im no long the movie start king Knight that is presented my lifes purpose of taking care of a broken maiden. Instead; I have to come back down to reality like all the other regular people and live as a regular guy. I wont get the intensity of having a new girlfriend as a drug; Ill have to work with God to appreciate who Im with and get my drugs somewhere else! Since I dont use drugs; Ill have to live a responsable life; learning through God to earn a way into things that make me feel good; normal natural things...
.
NOTE: The key to this new story is; A new girl introduced where my focus is now on her; but she is just a normal person and I have to adjust to this and Ill have to put up the Batman suit and become just a normal guy!
.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ending comments about the new stories;
.
The introduction of a new girl in the stories completely opens up the dynamic of the story; it suggests Im single again and Im back to feeling single again just like any other normal guy who is single and I have to go work with God again and take my focus on to new people because I was tired of the old me; And now Im the new me and looking for a new girlfriend; someone allot more normal and allot nicer... And Ill have to learn to keep her and work with her... And learn to put my thoughts on this new girlfriend. Fucus on her and what I want to achieve...
.
NOTE: To focus on the new girl is to completely give up and sacrifice the focus on the old one; The old one is out.
.
This is a very hard concept to pull off; its o so very important because Im leaving the nest behind one might say. Im forcing myself into a situation of hunger by walking away from the witches house where their was plenty of deceptive food... Im going back out into the jungle with a new focus heading outward; Im hungry again; this time Im not going back to where I came from; Im going to something and somebody new... That will take allot of acceptance and allot of work. And thats where Im at in the real world right now.
.
And Im at this place inside myself and in the real world right now from writing these stories...
.
The universe continues to send answers to me so I can move on with my life successfully.
.
.
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], sempr, Western
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 3.181s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 2.11
Time : 3.181s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 2.11