July 2025
June 2025
Money and returning to beginning self!
.
Money is a very important thing; the handling of it is important
And the acquiring of it is important.
.
Many other aspects of it are important...
.
One area is; as I remember; the natural desire of it... from a frugal young child perspective. A kind of middle class cultural upbringing perspective of; one makes a plan; has God with them and works for what they want...
Or has a plan; Lets say I have desires; what's the proper way to start out in something; how is it done; what if I need finances for it to go along with the dream. How does that work; What if I sacrifice and go out and work at the dream broke; I mean; just go do it because I like it. And watch the money come in some how; something like that...
.
I guess Im trying to say something here. Imagine one is living in a nice middle class neighborhood. And their kids want to start out at something; and the kids have to learn to sacrifice for what they want and or work for what they want; They want to go for it; at something. They believe or want something.
So; they go for it regardless of money! They start out broke and they work with God doing something they want...
Yes; that is closer to what I'm trying to say here.
.
" They start out broke and they work with God doing something they want... ".
Yes; this is close to what I'm saying; the desire is more important; they go for the desire and work with God on it; keep at it until something solid comes under them under God's care; something like that; they go for it; maybe They have to start small. Maybe they're just starting with a dream.
.
I guess Im trying to talk about an advance or authenticity; something I am heading toward... I guess; Im a bit early to discuss it!
.
Im just starting kind of.
.
My mind was bullied to death; so for it to wake up is a lot of work...
.
The idea of money from this writing point of view is like someone starting something they love to do and have no money for. But they are going for it anyway. THey dont know how. They start at the beginning of it; their dream and go for it; and start working with the universe; no one else is involved.
.
And Im heading toward such things. Not waiting around to make sure i have security for it; Im just going for what I like to do and seeing how far I can go with it; how far I want to go with it.
.
The Beatles from the 60's mentioned; They never thought they would ever get past the first few albums; They figured it would go on for a while and then die out; but thats not what happened for them. All chance taking.
.
So; for me; Im the same way. Im working on things; learning the beginning of putting things together; being hobbies; with the universe.
.
The idea of finding something I love to do to a point of needing financing...
As for financing them; Ill have to work with the universe on all this stuff... And that is some scary stuff; scary ideas but its very exciting to see that Im even willing to step out.. and I am. I mean; things are changing back for me. Im feeling a bit more secure inside... Im talking about pre conditions here...
.
NOTE: as of writing this; I have no plans or purposes right now. Im half learning how to interact with my hobbies because they are finally coming into flourishion. So; Ive barely learned how to touch something and not freak out with PTSD or dissociation from bad memories... Its all rehab; mental rehab for me right now; but it is changing. its slow and scary and lonely but its not really; but it is; but Im in another zone right now as I see things appearing from the universe as I go down energy river; its a whole different kind of feeling; Im alone but I feel the firecrackers underneath me; I can feel the excitement from the fireworks in the spiritual world in the universe. I mean; movement is happening and its causing friction out there in space.
.
NOTE: I dont have any real concrete sightable ambitions as direct as Einstein had. However, I know with more confidence; Ive got the same kind of ambition and interest concept as Einstein; In what I dont know. Right now; the things I do are for hobby purposes; my goal is to just learn them and see how much I can function per day doing anything touching anything and for how long.
.
NOTE: Im working on moving into relationship concepts with Gods help; We will see. I have allot of bulling problems from the past that shut me down because I had to protect myself; I have to relearn how to defend myself and protect myself. And Im learning how to imagine this.. and its hard work I think Im getting somewhere... Im just starting... So....
.
Im starting to shove out the bullies of the past who victimized me; Offenders that crimed me; Im starting to get rid of them; fight them off in my mind and no longer believe in their lies or their perpetrated fraud... Im seeing a whole lot of people I gave a chance to; turning out to be criminals.
.
Im starting to fight back and at some time; Ill get better I think. Ill get stronger I think; Ill get those who caused me to trauma bond to them; Ill get rid of them from my thinking. From my presence; from my mind... Ive been getting stronger. I dont need them anymore. I can handle my life all by my co creating self with God. I dont need their help.. I was broken into thinking and believing and brainwashed I needed them or I couldn't exist. Now I know better! And they are on their way out; and working with God; Ill be in new situations with people and places and activities.. I spent my life and time around a whole lot of evil people; and never understood what was going on; I had no idea...
.
I have allot of ideas but I must take it very slow; Im very ruptured and damaged.. So...
.
I must remember this; altho My mind is becoming more free; it doesn't mean in the real world its any stronger. Its still broken and ruptured... I can tell.. horrible! But Im smarter now; more freer..
.
Becoming more free from the past...
.
Im slowly fighting back pushing them out of my conscious. God is helping me. Is working; Ill feel much better when those criminals from the past our gone from my head; my heart; my nervous system; My God what a mess. Im seeing results and Im feeling a little better.
.
As for music; At some point as I get things figured out; Writing the compositions is what's important. the instruments are for expressing what I write; there's a difference between improvising and writing a piece; a real thought out piece.. And so Im learning; Ill be learning how to put the work into finishing a piece and practice and perform. Its something that will require a freed brain. And thats what im now learning to appreciate; get those monsters out of my brain... Learn respond ability.
.
When my brain is freed; I can write better and get into relationships again I think; thats a long shot considering all Ive been in; Ill need some time to heal and get things together... We will see. Ill see how I handle things; Ill work with God completely. I have to learn how to defend myself...
.
More n more I feel like the victim of crimes; to many of them and could never function again because of it!
.
Im grateful to God Ive come this far... Im working with God on how to clear my brain of these perpetrators... And get some basic mental sanity back or mantel health... At least in the form of being grounded at least a little to accomplish something in life; maybe a little; but that is better then zero...
I am worried that although my thinking about things is healthier; My brain has no strength for the outside world... That bothers me; its ruptured and to expose it to reality is like exposing a deep sunburn to the sun; It just irritates it!
.
So... Ill pray about it...
.
Im not really saying enough...
.
Am I saying everything I want to say?
.
Im interested in different ways to change my thinking; More positive stories about the future and more meditation...
.
I have to get the perpetrators out of my deeper thinking. And I think that can be possible. I remember when young when they weren't in my thinking; I was more protected. So; I can get back to that place.
.
Im already seeing a more free thinking process where I don't buy into it; the liars.. Im starting to see many of them for what they are perpetrators; criminal and liars and I need to be free of all of them.
.
Im writing to define what all this means; Im trying to define a situation of someone loving life and going for it when they find something I love to do sanctioned by God under the sun....
.
So; its the kind of thing where a happy person full of life and fun goes to school or expresses themselves and feels good about themselves; and then looks into things they really like to do. And from their they go for it.
.
I remember when Albert Einstein was a patent clerk; It had a kind of simple humble ring to it regardless of what the real truth was behind it. I read when Einstein was a boy; he would play in the basement of his fathers factory having fun with electrical based things... magnets and such. He later did something with it because he liked it.
.
So; when I talk about money; Im talking about doing something with ones life; something re found through God... And going for it; not because of the money; one might starve for awhile or a long while; I dont know. But; to be excited about doing something. Sacrificing and going for it; and then not giving up because of the money; finding ways or ambitions to want to finance something.
.
Im aware of what its like to have no medical insurance... I have some now! My point is; doing something I love with my life and going for it; and working with God on it and not looking back. thats what Im saying.
I was thinking of someone who goes to college and finds something they love to do or before college and does it first; then wants to go study it in college because they love being involved in it. I missed all that; I was robbed of all that... So; now I praying about getting it back. Coming back to that; Like Einstein coming into his curiosity about polarity and magnetism when a boy.
.
Im asking God for a village to help this real inner part of inner growth again; be able to grow upward and develop; the real inner me!
.
So; Im on the right track... I have gaps and developmental trauma disorder and learned helplessness and immaturity and stunted growth in so many areas of my life. I would like to step back into my life and grow again... Thats the idea.
.
.
.
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, idontknowatalll, streamlinevideo
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 3.032s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.04
Time : 3.032s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.04