July 2025
June 2025
Im still mentally Ill;
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Im not part of society.
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Most of my work is on techniques to make the mental illness a better experience;
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Im a transient person in general. I do have a place to live; Transience can be an attitude; an awareness...
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FIRST LOVE:
I was transient in general; a completely drop out for society;
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THe people I met when young like my First Love; they had regular families and it would never work when they found out I was a transient; I was discarded...
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Right now Im working on clearing my mind from the past.
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I still need to be on social security; my mind cannot really function outside.
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Most of what I write about is going after ideas of things I want; Its wonderful to have these tools to work with; these recovery tools and success based tools.
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Im getting better from doing all this work
I stay away from society... I stay to myself and work on my personal stuff.
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I have opened up just a little bit to much stuff at the meetings and Ive gotten attacked for it
.
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The work I do puts a strain on my mental condition.
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Im still mentally ill like before but I feel better about myself and about things.
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I think when younger; I was a transient; I could not function at all socially; Could not function in the school system I was already thrown away and in shock and mentally ill; and I was thrown away from possible relationships or friendships because of it.
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Ive been going to allot of meetings lately;
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My goal is to remove My First Love from my thinking or past best I can.
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I still dissociate allot of the time..
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Ive been covert at meetings and in life; no one really knows me; it works for my favor and against me. Sometimes people treat me like Im a weakling because they have been presented only one side of me.. they dont know anything else.
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My life is moving just find.
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And I cant wait; after I get some of my goals; Ill slow down on some of my meetings.
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Im looking forward to exploring music creation.
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I would like to keep my place a bit cleaner.
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Its kind of funny; Ive met people that have wanted to help me because I had POTENTIAL; actually they thought I was going to be a prototype of theres and grow up and be just like them
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Ill get there...
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I think; I was just so in need; starved of someone wanting me and desiring me; I was willing to make up any story; good story about that other person in order to accept them... But that story never existed; and unfortunately I ran into absolutely the most wrong type of situation one can run into. I was applying this fantasy to a criminal minded female psychopath. And I was completely destroyed for it. Not seeing the truth... So... Ill keep working on acceptance and coming out of my dream world... This happened with allot of people.
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I was looking for some place safe to go for mental health. Thats why I ended up around the wrong people.
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So; I would like that person out of my head.
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So; today I work on that stuff that separate's my mind.
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MUSIC:
Music is a kind of funny thing because Im really just using it for therapeutic reasons to help my mental illness; My broken mind. helping it learn how to interact...
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Im using music creation as a therapeutic tool; as rehabilitation.
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My whole life existence is a miracle.
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HOPE;
I have more then hope today; Ill explain.
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WHERE AM I NOW:
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ITs as if Im home as a child with a mother and father. Getting there...
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Im great; I look around; " So this is my new environment". Sometime the culture shock future shock is to much for me.
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So; Ive taken that big chance and jumped ship.
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Im learning how to visualize in my imagination,
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how to use my guidance system.
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I have allot of work to do. The goal is to clear out the first love from my mental state completely; The next goal is creating steps in the pathways that lead to my higher powers destinations for me.
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