July 2025
June 2025
Best Girl
Best Guy friend when young
School systems; work systems; telents...
Family systems
12 step group systems...
Any systems
The universe
Social Anxiety; living in a box I cant get out of...
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Im starting to understand enough...
The reparenting of self through God.
My inner child is turning into a Wizard under God!
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SOCIAL ANXIETY;
Im starting to see that the behavioral area problems stem from extreme severe social anxiety of many roots... All causing complete shut down socially. Its like being in a box I cant get out of; but thats about to change.
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Im getting better at using my imagination to create pathways; Im believing more n more as my abilities step forth. Im more willing and Im more willing to take chances with God and Universe; I believe we can co create a new life as long as I show up and keep at it! aND iM Willing! Im learning how to hang in there and create and work as it as God takes care of the bigger picture out in front of me.
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SOCIAL ANXIETY;
I can trace social anxiety as the behavioral problem that completely shut me down completely. Solve this problem by tracing back the walls and blocks and work on them with Universal-God behind me; looking after me; looking down from above upon me... And this is the beginning of the next answer.
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So; I can create pathways within my imagination; 10-20 steps at a time. I can then create more steps to the next imagined destination. How far can I go. Soon; the universe creates the tunnels for those steps; tunnels right through mountains... How far can I go.
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Im all new to this as any human being is! I mean it; its uncharted territory for anyone in this life. So; I go into this uncharted territory. And it stays uncharted territory I think for anyone. Altho one participates within it; who knows what or how much it is... Its like walking on Mars...
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Its a step learning adverous... But thats OKE; it is what it is; it is what it will take me to break through.
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I have a body that wont do anything beyond 4 protective walls. Ive had lots of talents and relationship offers; but nothing; cant move from within; Well; Thats about to change.
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Ill have to work at it...
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Today; its not about X girlfriends or possibilities or X Guy Friends I wanted closer then brothers or potentials I missed the boat on. Today its about an understanding that I would never be able to do any of those things as I am and were... So; now what? Now its about working toward something. Anything with a title on it I want...
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I will create pathways; thats first... practice...
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God will supply the manifestation surrounding the pathway... God will supply the area as it begins to appear and unfold within the quantum field. The continued work on my part is to trust and be earnest about it; keep going. Keep working steps in my imagination; imagining Ive made it to the last step and I win; Then do it again.
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RULE:
I dont do something until God gives the go ahead.
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For example;
Ive got an interest in a small music studio in my apartment; However; its so easy to have my anxieties and desires take over not inline with anything; I just want an answer. Atho I could buy a keyboard; its not aligned or time with God. This doesnt work. I create the pathways within my imagination; God then selects what its for and when and how. I just keep digging tunnels in the mountains of my desires; tunnel-boring; I dont have to do anything else accept learn to trust God Universal timing. I must pray about everything all the time; every thought and on my knees I pray; Thank you God; Thank you God; Thank you God; Your will GOd; Not mine. Your will God; Not mine; your Will God; Not mine. Your will God Not mine; Your will GOd; not mine! All day long; all week long; all month long; all year long!
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Its the trust thing; trust factor; no big deal; God will show up and move things; and Ill wait.
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Meditation is essential all the time as much as possible; Yes; its hard! Right now; Im just learning how to go for a few minutes without any guided meditation; I listen instead to the fans within my room. Its about how bad do I want it; am I willing to tell God this; and work with GOd!
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Ive got so many things I would like and like to participate in; But I dont. Now; I have a solution; I have a way of making things work. I know if I can create the pathways to things in my imagination and just keep at it; and when bridges start showing up across those energy fields... I can ask the universe to bring helpers that will assist me to the next levels... and on and on it goes...
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So; I have answers within this unknown force field.
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So; the biggest change is in focus; what I focus on has changed now. Im through with the primary focus on people and places and things of years before. My work is not completely completed in those stays. However, my focus is on how I can change myself now. And to rely on a system brought to me by God and learn to trust and work at it; Work on it until I start seeing signs of the Sky Gods showing favor in my work ethic... If I pacificate and believe they will come. If I show up they will come.
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So; its like Ive been taken care of for a time; a long time and Ive ventured out from my eternal spiritus guides and Im now walking around looking at things; strange things... and I like what I see.
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I want to learn HOW to participate again in my life depending on no one else accept momentary God! Right then on the spot of what ever thrill Im trying to over come... To stick to my guns and follow through at those moments; moments that can change the direction of my life for ever!
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So; there it is. WHat do I want?
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Getting out of the 12 step groups is a must. I would like to graduate to the real world again... Ill work with God on getting a new life; but a new life has many many facets and pieces to it and lots of work toward each of these areas. And Ill learn through God how to do this.
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WHen I now Talk about A girlfriend; its not about what happened in the past; its about how Im going to get one and hold on to her... The rest of the world doesnt know about the PTSD or the long term severity of it!
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I was not able to hold on before; not emotionally; Not anything... Not the ones that count! I just couldnt; yes; their were many reasons. Now; Im not just interested in those reasons; Today; I want to know how to change my behavior and hang on. I no longer care to bring the past into it; Im more interested in figuring out HOW to have something in the present and hold on to it; dont let it go; value it damn it!
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Im turning; Im turning into someone that cares about things again... and its all new to me! It really is.
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Ive been working at a success system secretly slowly methodically for many days... And Im believing from now on... So change has occur'd.
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Im not saying everything?
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Its still in the unknown...
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Im working on a whole life; Ill be busy! I wont get the rewards until I first show God as I work at things in my imagination; it starts in my imagination and once created in my imagination for long enough; God will take over and start things; start to create things out in front of me. Thoughts turn to things.
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NOTE: I was a drummer once. Could I be again?
The key is to do nothing but keep creating tunnels to my goals. I am not God; I do my part and I let God do his! And that is the final maturity of this Banger...
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The key now is to learn how to feel great and gifted and loved inside through all that I do and pray...
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How I feel about myself is key; and all of this is about getting to that stage and then attracting what I want and watching it grow and show up in front of me! And that is truly exciting... We will see; its just around the corner.
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NOTE: Learning to expect things from God Universe.
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I have allot of work ahead of me.
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So; a main goal right now is;
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1. learn to get my needs met through creating a desire in my mind; imagination first; work it in my imagination; Wizard it! Get God involved; get Gods attention to come in and put life to it; And then Thank God every chance I get. And then turn and keep going...
If I want something create it; I no longer need to go to the past for what I want; Ive worked through that concept and Im finished with it... Ill still visit for clarification and inventory several times a day; But my focus is not on that; my focus is on the beginning...
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Today I want my needs met. Ill get them from working things in front of me not behind me...
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So... with that!
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I think ill be changing to the next Phase level; Phase level 8.
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The ultimate goal is to come back to mental health enough for a girlfriend( a real one this time; Not some stone cold moneygrabber with no concious)the kind I deserve and wanted from the beginning) and to be involved in a working band with my music... And their it is...
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The beginning of Phase level 8 is about the anxiety disorder; how it started; what caused it; how it affects me. And the plans to over come it; And then the actual applications and real world attempts at first really breaking through it in real world situations... Im not sure how much Ill accomplish at first; but Ill be giving it my college try.....
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I know Im trapped... And I care what the world thinks of me; like Im its slave; Im not free in it; Im like a lost little kid with no purpose or destination OUT THERE! And Ill be working with God on all of this.
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This is not easy; it creates fear just thinking about what Im attempting to face.
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Heres an example of depression and confusion. I could lose weight; Im way over weight; but I dont have a reason I believe in.
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I dont really believe in myself or anything else; not enough... The new pathways for creating those wonderful beliefs are necessary... And Ill learn how to do them for myself with Gods help; Ill do them anyway and succeed. Im not waiting around anymore for anyone else. Im done with that!
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Im still broken and scared and i remember those battlefields... And I get stuck and lost. Thus; instead of focusing on those battlefields; Ill focus on God and tunnel digging through picturing myself taking step after step through the tunnels created through those mountains to my destinations... And thier is the beginning of my work and my purpose! my job is to create steps across energy rivers until they turn into bridges and wait upon God and do not overseed God... Stay put and learn to wait for God... God will do his part; I will do mine.
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SOCIAL ANXIETY:
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It would have mattered not what was presented to me when young; a princess or palace full of Gold or a swamp full of fools but who love to have fun; Either way; I would not have been able to participate in my life...
Now; Im not focusing on that anymore; Today I focus on busting through the cage that holds me; Ill start with that...
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