Blog; Phase 7 #1 Goals
.
.
.
Goals…
.
What are my goals for Phase 7;
.
1. stronger relationship with higher power..believing my higher power can bring me anything I want if I believe…
.
2. The building of confidence with a higher power toward relationship and activity goals. This means more work with higher power; meditation; prayer and writing new stories for my life…
.
NOTE: First Love; I could not follow through with her because I did not feel worthy. I was being destroyed since young; over n over n over; mothers and her side of that family system and step father; all trying to tear me down continually; working on destroying my personal power base within me; the one with God… They wanted my identity destroyed so they could control my body… treat me any way they wanted… So they wanted to assassinate my identity.
.
I did not feel good enough to marry my first love; she seemed to have to much going for her and I could not see myself with her even tho she liked me; of course in reality; a person that likes themselves would have jumped on the chance no problem…
.
This person did offer herself to me as is; meaning; I would have been her husband.. She was no stopped by low self esteem from her family… I was…
.
The trauma bonding was severe and created a wall. I was completely thrown away by the age of 9 in one form or another and finally completely erased and my history erased…
.
Im not suggesting I would really know here motives; I don’t know if she would have broken up with me in a month; I don’t know… or even if it would have been safe doing so; moving forward with her. The point is.. I did not; and a major reason was trauma…. I was stopped completely.
.
.
The rebuilding of my life.
.
Now; I look to shore up my personal surroundings… Work on recovery to get things in order… get my life in order; get things cleaned up; get me cleaned up… Lose weight. Get my apartment cleaned up.
When I go into monk mode to work on the past trauma problems; I tend to let everything go.. And then when things get figured out; I start coming out of it and back to normal a bit; I then start cleaning up everything around me including myself that got neglected…
.
GOALS;
My energy goes toward my goals; it start with working with a higher power… The goal is to send the message to my higher power that I want to attract things into my life; Thus; learning how to send a pure signal to my higher power… Alignment with self, self inner being universe… source energy…
.
The goal is to learn how to feel good about myself. Learn to appreciate things. Learn how to imagine new stories for my life!
.
Learn how to believe again.
The goal is to work through the rupturing of my personality…. Be able to be present in the outside world again.
.
So; define my goals and start working on prayer and meditation and new stories for my life to attract these things into my life… Thats where it starts…
.
Learn how to receive what God wants to give me.