July 2025
June 2025
Phase 4 #4 The Art of responsibility; I can try for anything I want! Manifestation
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Response-ability. The ability to respond. This used to be weaponized against me most of my life. I finally walked away from life. But homelessness is just another jail sentence or death certified… And well; depending on where one is; Its dangerous out there for lack of food or a black n blue head smash… bashed at night… no medications if I get sick… And the great freezer; the cold; the hardest coil of snake poison bleeding from a snake bite; and it just gets worse. Its boring and horrible to be on concrete 18 hours a day… and having to stay up all night so one doesn’t get burned alive or strangled… Its not easy; its tiring. One must know where the water; thats the first thing going through my mind at the time.. The cold is what broke me…. It just never goes away…. That long gated swimming pool; that giant lake that can take my life where I don’t have to ever come back… I can walk the sidewalk back n forth for a year; no one will ever see me! Its just the way it goes; No life in that!
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So; the word responsibility or respondability; the ability to respond… to response; I mean its personal but when I earn that word; its a word that comes from the all mighty; but that is for me and me alone; that is between me and God… What does it mean; once I get to this horribly advanced state in recovery; It means I believe; thats what it means. I look at things I want and want to be when I grow up; and 2 things come to mind; Ill be responsible; me and God co creating my new life… Ill continue to ask and tell God what I need and want. I mean; if I can or am willing to take response-ability or respond ability; I can attempt anything; why? Because if it be right or wrong; either way I can handle it… and with support; I can talk to my support team about what Im working on. Im not alone…
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I know that work is the answer for me; to work at things; And to be this present is not easy; the universe must continue to change me. I must be changed from the inside to be at the level of what it is I want or want to become. I have to become what I want… and that is about frequency; Thus; much work on the inside must be done… And that is a God thing; For me; on my knees; that is my thing!
Writing new stories in detail of what I want to be or want… and then meditation and then on my knees or on my knees before and after… all of it all day long.
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I give back by writing about it and speaking about it in meetings… That universe is happy with me when I work with the universe to align to give back… Just as long as I work with the universe on how to give back on a daily basis.
Writing blogs is giving back!
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Manifestation of everything.
Sex
Girlfriends
Money
Travel
Music creation
Art Creation
Auto…
And what ever I want to come up with to create in my life…
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I have allot of work to do; to become present and break through PTSD and dissociation on these subjects.
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Im interested in ramping up manifestations.
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Music instruments; Dont know yet. Ill have to work on this… Dont know what I need or want; Keep working on it… This is a good thing to start manifesting…
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Politics; working with others; talk to God about it.
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Lots of time on my knees….
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Writing stories is not easy; it sounds like it would be; must start with discipline ; what exactly do I want….. Details…. Its hard to stay present with each word. Words create pictures and feelings…
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The goal is to get back to being myself with no past; at least not with any fake girlfriends I remember from high school; any of them; nothing. Its to bad I put out that part of myself saved for a wife onto a fake; The goal is to keep working through it until I actually done with it because its gone. And when that happens I can move on…
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I getting closer! I get what I earn. And all earning starts with my knees on the floor and my head in the floor talking to God!
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I want my memories gone; changed; not popping up for any needed reason. Thats what Im working on; on getting a life right now; becoming present right now so I don’t need something popping up from the past… its hard; I have to go back and earn my way. But; I can do this… I mean; I can; I have dissociative elements that make part of me disappear; I can deal with it. Im getting stronger. I just need to keep setting goals… Goals for here n now that make sense with manifestation in mind.
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