July 2025
June 2025
Phase 3 #3…
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The main goal of Phase 3 is; after Ive worked through and let go of my First love and when I ready to take music creation into reality and work on the dysfunctions I have; work with God on this and come up with answers to get working on music…
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First Goal; finish my interest with First Love; And? IT has been done. It was done by God all along for the last several days; its not smooth or nice; its kind so sloppy ruff and nasty but Ive move on beyond myself…
I am slowly moving day by day beyond those memories… Ive all ready stepped beyond them.. Im now learning what I can learn from that experience in general.
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What Im learning;
1. Do not try to save people who never asked to be saved and never claimed to have any problems
2. Understand that the first person I meet may not be the right person for me. I may have energy flowing in the right direction; but just like in the sea; not every fish is a nice fish. With the presence of beautiful coral fish also come the sharks and the electric eels and the Killer whales. Im trying to make a point; In the adult world; evil-taps-In seems to tap into soulmate-energy disguised as soulmate when they are predators looking to feed. If Im looking for the right people for relationship; its all possible they wont be the first people I meet; a narcissist in disguise might be waiting for me first. I have to learn to recognize them and move on; move them on; get advice about it first; move them or away from me…
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3. If Im under the care of God; Ask God; tell God; demand God; only send me to those in there own God sphere… God; Send me to only those under your spiritual umbrella; only attract those people and no other please. No more Godless people; they are way to evil; 2 faced… They are from hell. Why would I think anything good could or would come of it. I must wake up! If My power is coming from God; only go to God people; Let the universe decide those places and people; only the frequency of nice people please under your God umbrella…
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4. I spent all my time looking for purpose; my purpose was to love someone and save them. However, the other people I wanted to save; they all had their ducks in a row. In my case; I didn’t even have any ducks; so; trust God and stop chasing after people; instead; stay where Im at and start praying for God to help me develop my life; a vacant life that was never touched or looked at its whole existence.. Is a life that need attendance. People who don’t like me or are not interested in me need not be looked at or chased. Better to get into the recovery world and learn about God and support.
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NOTE: I thought I was their best friend. However; Was she looking at me as I being her best friend? I don’t know; based on what I saw; I thought so; I thought that connection exists in her mind. I thought she thought of me as her best friend; that was part of why I felt safe and thought I was in; that I had someone that liked me. But did she; I mean; did she even think we were friends? Is it possible she never saw us as friends; never thought of me as a friend and certainly not a best friend; and that I made all of that up in my mind and I was wrong. I based all of my feeling toward her; based on how she looked at me. What if there was no substance behind how she looked at me; what if it was fake… I mean; what if she really had no feelings for me and no friendship interest. That means; when I was around her; the whole time; she never thought of me as her friend. I mean; I never asked her! Is it possible she never saw me as her best friend. I thought she must like me or see me as a friend. But in reality; this is not based on anything she actually said to me. Is it possible I was wrong… I was basing my opinion on what I thought or what I saw and thought about it. Maybe she gave me a glance and I took that glance meaning we were friends or good friends or best friends when in reality from her perspective we were never friends and I meant nothing to her. I meant nothing to her because she was not attracted to me and I was of very little interest to her… in fact I was of no interest to her. And I was actually hanging around someone that had no interest in me and did not find me attractive… and did not like me or look upon me as friends… Certainly did not see any best-friendship potential or anything else with me. She never saw me as a friend. Is this possible?
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Is it possible it was all limerence fantasy thinking on my part concerning the whole thing!
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5. Im starting at the beginning; Im a beginner starting at the bottom even tho I see many starting closer to the top; “so what”;” it doesn’t matter”. Im starting out new at the bottom. Why would I think others starting out as vice president need to spend time with me; they don’t and they wont and they are not suppose to. I have God where Im at and Im right where Im suppose to be. I don’t think the vice presidents in the world are praying today to God for me to meet them; I could be wrong…
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6. Have lots of daily support…I use 12 step groups all day long; and work with a higher power.
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MUSIC CREATION…
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Music creation is the other side of the coin concerning my goals. Think positive about where all of this is going and the purpose behind it; write stories of connection; meditate and pray about what I want to manifest. I want a great music experience from front to finish; How can that be; what would it look like. Spell it out; write about it as if its already happened. Ands write everyday and lots of positive stories on it.
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So; As I get better; Im watching at least one composers work everyday( youtube)… watching and listening to it and growing from it.. At least thats the idea….
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And Ill be creating my own song; a new song to be played by one of my new music friends; He plays the piano.
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The universe is starting to hook me up with different people of music… These are teachers and others that can help…. And want me to succeed. They have their own lives but they also want to help…
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The next thing to pray for is a new romantic relationship; but not yet; thats way to fast for now…
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Id like to spend more time on music and make compositions; ( Id love a great attitude about it) My minds been so torn apart and on other pain of the past. Now after some things have been resolved; Im hoping I can work with the universe to start creating more and taking it seriously.
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So; Its the next day; 29th of December; and Im definitely getting stronger. The universe is and has taken care of me and continues to do so. As I get stronger; The universe is allowing me to be in situations where Im pressed against situation where I have to stand up for myself; its happening very slowly but its happening. Im showing signs of working with the universe.
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The universe is connecting me back into society very very cautiously and slowly and its not being done with stickup sociopath murdering affluent people; God is only bringing me genuine nice people.
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Music;
Getting closer to the truth. But not the truth…
So; I don’t know anything about music; Im ignorant.. I never learned anything when I was a child. Im not sure I wanted to; I just escaped or got bored so I sat at the piano and plunked stuff out. I had no interest in it; I had nothing else; I was thrown away and had no future; no one cared about me so I sat at the piano with no other interest then to just sit at the piano; no one cared..
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Later; I didn’t know what else to do so I tried to take some of it in college; but my college years were destroyed long before I ever got there. So nothing mattered anyway; I never cared enough about anything; and I don’t want to admit it. I just don’t have any other outlets developed; maybe if I did I might care enough about music creation; music creation was for me if I was doing so well I have free time to meander; I saw it as a house privilege for the rich.
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So; as for music; still to much lying and nonsense about it; as if I really care; or maybe I actually do care but Ive been so warn down and torn down I have no self esteem with it. Ive always felt I was not smart enough to make music… and I see that there were allot of bullies in the way of this personal expression and It all might be about the shame of others coming in and rotting this experience for me. If no one else was involved in this; how would I feel about it; would I feel scared to go in this direction.
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I have this feeling God wants me back to take control of this simply to regain the confidence in my life that I will do what I want to do regardless; Ill fight for the right.
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I gave up all interest in fighting for anything; I lost everything. Everything was taken from me… So; at least now Im talking about it.
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So; do I want to be a good piano player; sure; But Im scared to death it will create unwanted attention and Ill be destroyed and brought into death; I don’t want anymore death in my life. Ill have to talk to God about this. However, God does not want me giving up what I love in my life either. Ill have to work with God to learn how to trust God and fight for what I want.
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NOTE: Really scared to put out any energy in an area where I can be ripped off or disappointed. Im afraid of starting something and having it pulled out from under me; like what happened to my younger life. Im intolerable of it.
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Its hard to trust God to have power when my home was taken from me and my childhood experiences. Im not sure where God was at! I don’t get this. I feel like the child in me was betrayed by God; Why? Because I was a child; excuses don’t work here… Nothing does; where is God! Where is the Universe; what is going on here?
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Creating a child to have no purpose simply destroys a childs life; is this what God wanted for me. What? What is going on here?
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So; Im getting better; In music tho; nothing has changed; accept Ive changed a little bit; I think what is important about music is; how bad do I want to become a proficient musician. Do I want to face this thing and tackle it. Do I? Ill have to work with God to get enough courage for this; and Ill have to see I will be safe; everything will be all right! I guess. Ill work with God on it. All I see is my home taken from me when I was a child; and no explanation by God. Nothing…
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NOTE; I saw a climps of the answer; something I rarely see; I saw myself stretching into the level of; Ill fight to keep this; and doing massive extra work to be a musician.. Because the lack of work ethic is what has stopped me.
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I don’t get all this.
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I remember several women; I wanted to say that they liked me; but I was wrong. My ego told me they liked me but they didn’t and thats hard for me to hear. I was not of any interest to them; I meant nothing to them. SO; Ill go to God with this and ask God; who then was I suppose to go near; who had an interest in me… Who? Where would I meet them; How would I get up to a place of confidence to meet these right people. Ill send all of this to God. How can I believe again that its worth even trying.
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I had no success; I had it drilled out of me that I would not have any success and that no one cared about me or noticed me. Nothing; and that I wasnt worth any success in this society.
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So; its really hard to give life another try. I was so bullied to death on all fronts over n over n over n over. SO; I mean; And Im suppose to go out into a world and do this again…
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So; Ill work with God on all of this… What Im suppose to do. Ive always felt everything was beneath me after being destroyed out here; music creation is beneath me; whats the point; but its also above me; I could never feel I was in a safe place enough to create music or depend on music for anything; I felt like I could never depend on music for anything so I was disappointment; whats the use. I guess I really needed to feel that I could depend on music and not be betrayed; but I never felt that way; I felt like I was getting nowhere in a know job; like whats the use of this music thing; this is stupid and sick; whats the point; its a nowhere job… So; this is just the tip of the ice burg considering music creation.
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Music creation; brings back thought; triggering thoughts; the fact I never got to be in my home anymore where I could be in my room and life and future safe. I refused to create or get involved in anything while in survival mode later on. So I was not interested in music; why should I; it could not save me.
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Am I suppose to be involved in music. The universe will have to come up with the answers; Ill keep working with the universe; the universe will have to help me become the kind of person ready for such endeavors; if thats the direction Im suppose to go.
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Was my First Love worth it; Worth fighting for? Ill ask God about this new realm of idea.
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Art creation; Worth Fighting for? Its about the work ethic; its about the time put in to creating good stuff. Commitment.
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In survival mode; my only goal for survival was to hide downward like a mouse and disappear. So; I don’t fight for anything; I cave inward in defense and wait for the shelling to stop or the attack. I have no interest in fighting for anything. In fact; Im not even suppose to be in those arenas; they are not safe. But I cant find a safe arena. Finally I just want to die…
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So; here I am now; looking back. Am I safe now. I don’t feel any safer… Am I safe; Im still in the this race of monsters… am I safe. Why would I think that. But Im sober and dry and and awake; now what? I mean; what am I suppose to think. What was I suppose to go after; Go after something at the same time of dodging something? What? This doesn’t make any sense!
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Dear God; please give me answers for the past and the present please? What am I suppose to go after in my life right now. What am I suppose to do? What am I suppose to go after?
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My Fist Love didn’t seem to care about much or about spiritual stuff; so I was sent by God to care about her because I could care about much? Later after being around her; I felt like I had set myself up for suicide. SO; am I to believe God brought us together; I don’t think so! Or did I meet her on my own intensity and interests. Did God want me there; did God send me to help her. I Wanted so badly to believe so; it gave me such purpose. But in the end; NO? And I Was defeated because I had knocked on the wrong door and was talking to the wrong people. They were strangers to God…
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But I never took God with me; never worked with God openly or strategically. And I would have wanted to… I would have needed an active relationship with God to go into these type of dangerous situations…
I don’t know. Now I wonder; what kind of women was I suppose to meet. I don’t seem to have a clue about women or work or career things or anything else out in reality. I only understand protection in a small room with a TV set playing cartoons or Christmas specials… Im not in reality; I don’t want to be; I don’t function there; but it seems theirs no place in the real world for me to function; Ill have to work with God on this. What kind of women am I suppose to meet and where would I function in the real world if I could be anything I wanted to be or believed it and or had all the money in the world; would that help? Ill pray about all of this…
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Im scared to death that the answers I seek will bring me close to my death again as before. I don’t trust God; God was not there before; why would the universe be there for me now if I take these big chances… The truth is good enough… I am a witness to it! Trusting God is a half hazardous affair.
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Ill take the gamble and trust God enough to talk to him and maybe take a step outward again. But the child in me is always scared; Im never sure whether God is God or the Devil; Im never sure which one Im going to be dealing with. Because; regardless; either God is going to take care of the child in me or not take care of the child in me.. If the universe does not; I discard the importance and affect of the universe and give up. I owe God and the universe nothing… They owe me everything. But; I have to talk to them and ask them on my knees for what I want… Its the only way they will take me seriously. Life does not seem to have much value to God… And if that be the case; why should I stick around!
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Im not going to do anything foolish; Im just saying… Im just saying what Im reporting. As long as God continues to give people a bad rap; I continue to report on my findings of God; better or worse. If God does not want me to report that people should avoid God because of Gods reputation with people; Then God has to change his reputation with people. He cant neglect 80% of the planets population and then turn around and expect others to believe in him! I personally fear God. But its all Ive got going to keep me alive… Ill work with God; Ill give a shot… Why not! Im not doing anything else!
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Ive been beaten down to far for to long to care anymore…
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However, I will care about my relationship with the universe because its the only thing Ive got going for help…
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And I am getting better; better the way everyone wishes they could get better; its as if God has gone into my past and is setting up a situation where Im getting re-parented and thus Im changing from the inside out. Im changing because my beginning history is changing and Im becoming the person I always wanted to become; but its from a complete change from birth. God has gone in with others and rechainged my history; and now Im turning out to be the person I wanted to become; and my adolescent years are healing. And if they heal; that means Ill apply the new me to ages 13,14,15, 16, 17 to start with… And see how I end up during those years when Im in a new protected environment. Everything is noticeably changing with time. Getting better; and its all Universe that is doing it. Im just kind of being aware of it as the universe’s wind flows through me changing everything; I expand as the universe expands. I expand into the person I see myself as when I was a boy.
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I have allot to learn; I have allot to face. All of the maturity levels of development don’t exist; no experiences. So; The universe will create a situation where I will be ready to experience these new experiences; ill have to be brought up so Im ready for them; the beginning of them. Im not there yet; I have lots of pain and fear from the past from trusting… How will the universe fix this????
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Its strange getting better. What is happening to me? The answers for all the horror I experienced when younger; it is all getting answered by the universe… Its as if Im at those ages and Im getting answers at those ages.
I do not feel any different then those ages of brokenness where I was destroyed by communities…
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I feel at those ages; I getting rescued by God and myself at those ages and then Im running to the recovery rooms for rest as a place to hide out… a safe place; safe enough for me. Lets just say they are safe places for people like me who have gone through things like me.
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I never realized I was an orphan of my friends… I may have been at their house; but I was never apart of. And I never understood until it was 2 late. And later I realized they were never my friends. And with Gods help and revisiting them later; I realized they were not capable of being my friend and a little moment later I realized they were not safe people for any normal citizen to associate with. And I found myself leaving and feeling good about it never to return. I didn’t want those sycophants around me ever again. What about the other fake friends. Im afraid its the same MO…
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The real problem I have left is my First Love. Slowly God is sending me more n more information opening up within the center of my mind; information I did not think about; to show that this person was neither my friend nor someone safe to be around. The universe continues to show me that no part of this person liked me; nothing; and that this person was a monster and not capable of such human traits or responses… if I ever thought this person liked me; I was living in a fantasy; that is what the universe proving to me; one moment at a time; one day at a time; one week at a time; one month at a time; month after month after month; until I wake up.
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In order for me to wake up in general; to accept the universes offer of evident information; The universe must make me independent and feel I have some level of person power in society; at least enough to call my life my life! And so it is so; it is happening. As I look back at these crummy people I associated with; these goons; Im starting to feel a feeling of independence as if I don’t need them; never needed them. As if I had a house to run to or hide in for my own life; that I didn’t need them or need to know them; that at some point I wanted to know them and visited them; and under the false guise of their lies about their house and who they were; I continued to visit them thinking they were a nice family… and thinking I was accepted and loved. In this end I realized I was not loved; but with Gods help; I realized; that had nothing to do with me; I needed to run out of that place; forget those creeps and never return.. I owed them nothing.. How dare they treat another human being who gave them favor; how dare they defile such good intents and show contempt with no remorse. What a bunch a bawlers… worthless insecticides… centipedes with 4 eyes… Bug juic’rs…
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So; My first Love I still have feelings for; but very close I am to being out the door. I have feelings for the limerence fantasy. So; it means Im bucking against reality so I can hang on to a fantasy; that fantasy taking care of me in the present so I don’t have to face something else. This means; Im using this past love as a way to hide from whats underneath the situation; I don’t want to face reality; that she is not here anymore… Thats to hard on my ego; it makes me feel worthless like I couldnt even or wasnt even good enough at the time to get a girlfriend. Instead I was tricked and laughed at. And I don’t want to face that. However, talking about it right now; hurts but I think if I can talk about it I can face it. Ive done allot so far for the evidence to prove I can move on from this. The way I move on from this is my grounding of where Im at right now and my recovery world as my support and God and Universe… Jesus…
Because of the support I have and the way Im growing right now… She is not needed anymore; nor will the lies I created surrounding the truth about her; that she really didn’t like me but was never capable of liking me and never capable of being in a relationship with someone like me or any other human being… She was not a human being.
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“She was not a Human Being”; This statement is what gives me the broken heart’d crease within my blanket… It means I cant stay in that motel room anymore because the movers came and took out all the furniture. Now I have to go outside and live… Im being forced outside to move on… ( This process of being forced up and outside is what Im scared of; its a scary thing but its happening slowly). I am grieving… I did want a relationship; but one never happened and felt so bad about myself that I kept failing no matter what. Now; I see it that my life was rigged; Those in control were creating this disaster; As soon as I started working with a higher power and getting away from the bad people; good things started happening for me. Thats what im working toward.
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Still connected to my first love;
Ive lived off that lie for years; its whats kept me young and at that age and not facing anything else in the present. Its one thing thats kept me dissociated from reality; one thing of a 1000..
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So; The universe is working on me to get me knew information so I will let go. A snag occurs; it has to do with my worth and my childhood worth. Something is making me dissociate when I try to let go of this. Other aspects of this; the universe helped me let go of; but this one area is like pulling deep rooted teeth; it will come out; but I see its got a whole lot of adjoined memories of other times and people who were similar to this girl; who ditched me or led me on and broke me to pieces… Hopefully; she will just become another number within the scale of those who broke me and have little to no more meaning; just something that happened in far past with the other numbers down the number line.
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Its the fact that all these people did these bad things to me; their only intent was just to lead me on until with contempt they could brake me into pieces… No doubt this will still take much time; im still hanging on to a lower level percentage of this; 20% of this;
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I will say that the rest of me is returning to my full childhood; meaning my original self. At least Im trying and or going in that direction best can be done; its shabby at best; but the universe is helping me; God is helping me in this direction. A part of me wont let go to move into myself again; and its that lower level part still hanging on to my First Love or the concept I had in Limerence-fantasy of my first love.
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I wanted to escape my family at the time; needed somewhere to go; anywhere I could run to with a couch a front room in a house… somewhere with parents I could call my own; a new house a new family. Thus; I ended up at this girls house. Unfortunately her couch and house and mother and father were more important to me then she was. But I still liked her… But that was a mistake. I let my walls down and made a big big mistake… I should have just gotten a breather being their and left. I was a young teenager.. I knew nothing really… Later I would decipher these things into words and meanings. I knew them and felt these beliefs at the time but it was not on paper at the time; not something worked out I could look back on and share…
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I believe this girl was a sociopathic monster… So; this idea of visiting that place and visiting her at the same time was no good. And very quickly I understood she could not be my girlfriend… I was so so destroyed and devastated. It was all to good to be true and I defeated; I lost again. I thought God had finally brought me someone to love.. I was wrong!
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NOTE: One simple and hardcore aspect; whether a sociopath or not; there is a good possibility she simply never liked me; she felt nothing for me; she was not interested in me and never thought of me as her friend. I remember calling her; but I don’t remember her ever coming to my house. I remember her responding to me when I was at her house; but then so did her mother and I don’t think her mother wanted me? So; I may have made something into something that never existed…
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I believe God may have wanted me at newer places; but it would have been in another life… somewhere the opposite of that girl and her house.
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NOTE: If this girl did not like me and was not responsible for me; she was not my friend; Im starting to believe she never liked me as a friend; Im not sure she ever liked me period; If that be the case; I was suppose to leave that area and go to a new one working with God and allow God to rebuild my life at the time.
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NOTE: I don’t think that person saw me as there friend!
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The girl in the end; she ends up just as I predicted; but much worse and much more scary… no remorse. Nothing! So; she was a complete stranger...really! However; if she was never a friend of mine; she never saw me as a friend; then non of this matters does it!
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I have a hard time letting go of this. Ill get their; something about having to accept I never escaped from the family I was living with; this scares me. I did not have the skills or brains or ability to escape them. I wasnt able to establish new friendships at other peoples houses. And from this Ill finally leave the area… But I was never successful at escaping them and maybe that and an in-ability to take care of my life plagued me for the rest of my life.
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When I first met the girl up the street; my first love; I loved her from the first moment I saw her ( I could feel my soul opening up) ( I WAS WRONG). And I was Wrong! And that has always scared me and bothered me. Fair enough; she was a sociopath; so; who would know how to handle such a thing… But my nervous system keeps wanting to fight it; and I think its because I wanted hope that I truly did find the right person; What I wanted was a way out of the house I was living at during the time. My nervous system has a hard time accepting that I never found a sound solution to my survival. She was suppose to represent a away out. But because she was a sociopath; the whole thing was wrecked; The whole plan to escape… Part of me never accepted it… But its true; there was no place to escape…. Atleast not at that persons house. And I never liked that. I felt privileged and felt it was owed to me… How dare someone stop my survival… Who did they think they were!
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NOTE: If she did not see me as a friend; did not see any quality in me to be friends and when she saw me she told herself that I was not a friend; Then all of this chatter about her being a sociopath is of no use or value for I was never in that far with this person; its really non of my business.
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NOTE: In a strange sense; its like I observed a stranger and left and there was no connection; nothing.
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So; The idea of who likes me is not so important anymore; Now its the ability to manifest; “But who do I like”. Here is an example;
Im in a room of people and I hear a women talking; and I say to myself; I think that women is really interesting; Id like to meet her; and why?> Because Im interested in her. In the past I never did this.. I waited for someone to come to me… but that never worked.
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Nothing scares me more then having to go to someone I find interesting; Im afraid of rejection; I have no power; I only have what I have; myself; and she may not like me or be interested in me… and thats scares me more in this world then anything… really; I can feel it when talking to myself about it; and to others… and writing about it and to you and to God….
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So; Ya know; this is what I have to work on. I would be nice go have a family of support through this kind of thing. Heres the deal; I don’t get to escape this anymore then anyone else… I have to do what everyone has to do… to work at this in the real world; it takes work; to work my way into the maturity of handling things through experiences… To work my way into a new way of thinking… I don’t get out of this anymore then anyone else; accept I have the universe to help.
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Ive all ready learned that many people have not liked me when I thought they did and I thought they thought of us as friends and they did not… they did not like me.
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I need a family of support; support recovery groups and large amount of people on my side I can talk to and feel like Im in the center of… and have people I can trust enough to help.. no way to do things alone concerning relationships; not for me; not a chance. Whats missing is a family.
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GOD; is my ace in the hole; Universe my friend; on my side; My wing-men in space who brings me wing-men on earth and wing-women under the stars; and their it is kind of.
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As I get better and look and accept the truth; all things come from seeking God.
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So; meditation and goals.
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MUSIC CREATION
ART CREATION
WRITING STORIES CREATION
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SO; I need a good positive outlook on creating and writing and music and art n stuff; what does that look like to get up in the morning and feel great about making Art; Thats what Im looking for. Ill work with the universe on this… That is my next goal. To feel right and safe and inline with the universe creating art…
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NOTE: I feel like Im not smart enough; it will take work; and knowledge I don’t have. This scares me; the work ethic and the reality of starting at the beginning of something.
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Ill be working on stories concerning feeling excited and secure about making Art and music and writing stories. Im going to have to work with God to please God and no one else; This is between me and God…
NOTE: Others being involved in my life; that has been the problem. My co dependency; involving others in my life that had no idea what was happening.
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I get hit with nightmare thoughts and feelings; negative everything concerning creating… I see a step father and mother grandfather all destroying me; I see a real father not helping or caring… ignoring me completely who I am. And this will destroy me.. I have no more home…
I see a whole community and school system and fake friends cutting me off from myself.
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NOTE: Fake friends; Im looking back to the beginning of my life and realizing; I never had good friend management. Some friends on the south side were real and down to earth and my friends. Others never established a real friendship with me; they never said we were friends; Thats because we weren’t. It never occurred to me others did not want me as friends; but they didn’t.
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SO; Im triggered; I have to work to get beyond that place into a place the universe wants me to be that is safe for all of this with safe confident wonderful answers… positive answers… and connections; Ill work on this.
I can feel it and see many people never taking me seriously; in stead they are taking me as a lunatic and a loser…
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And so; I will wish and I will tell God to bring me the right places and people for me to expand into… that Im safe and can be successful…
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And I need stories for starting this kind of work; to get started with confident connective endings for the day.. For example; good stories thats its a positive move to create things for the day and its a good idea or great idea because? And Im heading down a light that makes life a better place when I do this kind of work; its all positive. Thats what Im looking for; so I can feel safe.
I have allot of negative thoughts surrounding the idea and process of creating from my childhood.
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I have negative thoughts from the fake friends I had; So; those people have been discredited and thus I will work on getting those thoughts out of my mind since those people were my enemies not my friends. I was a nice person; they were not.
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What others think has been more important than what I think about myself; Im now stopping my interest in such people; they were never friends of mine in the first place and my higher power never brought them to me. Now; I will attempt to work with a higher power to bring about the right people… people that will support my efforts not destroy them.
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