July 2025
June 2025
Phase 3 #17.
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I have a fairly good idea of where Im headed… With Gods help…
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Im heading back to when I was young and Im starting over…
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Im starting over where I left off… And God is getting me back there…
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I have to stay on my knees and keep working with the universe and keep up the meditation and other things to stay aligned with the universe…
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alignment is key!
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My main goal; at this time is relationship re building; The ability to start at ground zero; start again where I left off as a boy; and allow God universe to take me down a different road to different people. This might mean Ill have to become a different person; a person of excellence if I want to be around excellence.
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Biggest problem to date.
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1. Did I stop myself from going any further with her because she was not safe or understanding!
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2. Id doesn’t matter who she was; My stopped myself out of inexperience and fear and not wanting others to know I was immature! And its my responsibility to get help to be taught how to go to the next level… work down a pathway to a place of development in relationship and or also the ability to talk to the other person about it that maybe they can help.
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3. Work with the universe for the right people to show up… these are people that want to help….
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4. My guidance system is backwards. IT seems; I think Im finding a nice person; and when I meet them they are are picture perfect nice! However, a few months later; a year later; 6 months later; I was never liked and they hated me from the first day they met me; had no respect for me; saw no value in me… never wanted me around. And seriously appeared evil… They appeared evil. And in frustration I shake my head in confusion wondering why this always happens to me! Something has to change on my side of things…
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I want to know what it feels like to meet the right people and what kind of person I have to become in order for this to happen…
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This will require much prayer and meditation and goal setting of what I want…
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I have to be careful. Im a gambler; I gamble everyday at the recovery meetings I progress at. I do well; Im one of those recovering; However, I open allot of stuff up to strangers in those rooms and it backfires at times; sometimes seriously. I miss judge or calculate whom Im dealing with; they turn out to be narcissists or criminals and They will start on the attack or start stalking! So….. Ill keep praying about it.
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Music;
Im in an interesting place; Its about the equipment I want to buy first; that I can create music with and perform live. Its so easy to get carried away with different forms of music machines that altho looking different then each other; in many cases; they all do the same simple task that one computer and one music software recorder can accomplish. It doesn’t take all that much money to make music on a computer; but the temptation to buy all these secondary music creating machines is overwhelming; One can spend 10’s of thousands of dollars on these machines; They are good looking sleek machines and they have a feel to them; a feel they will bring me into music wonderland if I use them. Unfortunately when I bring the machine home; take it out of the box and hook it up; Suddenly I realize Im not getting anything more than what the simple computer with one music software recorder supplies.
Music Gear world is a huge marketing racket trying to sell everything under the kitchen-singing table… and most of it is not useful or needed; at least not for me.
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Selling Psychedelic Sinks; an example;
An example of the music business gear world; that gear generated by music companies that want to sell me their products to make music; Its as if these music gear companies were like companies selling house hold plumbing fixtures ; they want to sell me a different sink of different sized and dimensions and colors and heights; some made of glass and some made of wood. Regardless; at the end of the day; They are all sinks and the water coming from the facets; regardless of how fast or slow; Its just water; The same water that comes from an old sink in an old barn; its the same drinking water…. These companies want to stress that their water is of more excellent quality if one buys a better sink; However, in reality; its all the same boring water that drops from a facet…
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So; I have to work with the universe on what Im looking for when creating compositions… What kind of tools do I want to use to make sounds… what do I need… And pray and leave it at that…
I do have an advantage; Im a composer and what I write I want to duplicate live for performer purposes. Ive never created anything before for live playing; so; Ill be starting out so simply; that a child could bang on their mothers kitchenware and compete successfully against my simple attempts at reorganized musical thoughts. My compositions for live work are so small and simple; and easy; its easy to use simple everyday tools to create the sounds; I can use my feet and hands playing drums on a table; that would be sufficient.
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My simple compositions will go on for a very long time. Ill be gaining allot of performance practice by creating and crafting very simple basic short pieces of music simplicity; in written form… Im talking about 30 seconds or less for a composition to start with… For allot of them! Using basic sounding tools; hand claps or spoons clicking together or playing a table top with my feet playing base drum sounds on the floor.. Maybe Ill use a steal kitchen pan for a high notes or something… I don’t know yet; Ultimately, at some point; Ill move over to using a synth or drum machine or something for live performing. But that will be a very long time…
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ART work;
Im in a hard place and a great place concerning Art; Im at ground zero. Its all up to me if I want to work at creating art! Ive worked through the lanes that get nowhere. Now Im left with a narrow lane; an unassuming hard lane to work in; but its the only lane to the top. Its the lane of discipline and handwork and scarified time periods that are chosen to be spent meandering around with art supplies for that specific time period.
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Art work. I wanted a way out or through to make Art and It was given to me by the universe; I showed that I wanted a healthy desire to create art; thus Im a beginning struggling artist.
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I don’t think I can do more then 5 minutes at a time of art! Thats where Im starting; But that 5 minutes belongs to non other then art work; and thats it! And its kind of up to me; my time; its now up to me because it can be up to me… sorta Im not back to reality just yet but Im getting there… I now understand what is required; and its now up to me if I want to sacrifice for that requirement.
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Id like to report on more.
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Spirituality; The Ability to start work on a more focused area with the universe; This means the laws of attraction on specific goals; This means with the tools of the laws of attraction for manifestation purposes.
I didn’t want to start a new level of manifestation work until the goals of Music creation; Art creation and past relationship problems were figured out and resolved. And its coming very close to having a kind of resolution.
RELATIONSHIP problems from the past; the principles are getting understood that are required for change from dysfunctional relationships of the past to practicing functional behavior for present right thinking relationship possibilities. However, is this enough to move on?; Yes; I think so… I can still feel the ruff ground underneath me; as if Im not done smoothing out the tongue of the whale; but; it might be enough; all the work that has been done leads me to believe its time to move into Phase 4…
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