July 2025
June 2025
The goal of Phase 2 is to work through relationship and activities problems from the past. The goal is to clear out the past; clean out that old garage; open the windows; let the light in... one might say.
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Get that place cleaned out...
Thats what Im doing with the past; clearing it out. Facing it with Gods help and cleaning it out; Im clearing it out to a point of working through my first love until she is a distant memory with no more meaning; ( because she was not what she claimed to be). Secondly is working through activities; until I can create music and art successfully with a full enriched purpose behind it; feeling connected to a community outside of myself in the real world ( Art music and selling community and with a positive experience attitude) . All of this is God protected and directed and meditated over; with the universe in charge...
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So with that;
First; THe goal is to hit a specific level of achievement in these areas of completion; thus; moving on to Phase 3.
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The goal of Phase 3; it may be to take where Im at with past relationships and learn and work with the universe to work them out; hone them smooth.
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Ive all ready got to the point that Im like allot of nice people. I wanted a real love and relationship; Im a decent person; but something went wrong with the other person but thats after I got involved with them; after I was completely committed to them; suddenly they are the wrong person and Im stuck; after putting all my emotions into one basket... And in the end I get slaughtered... And I have no idea this is what Ive gotten myself into... I have no idea this is whats going to happen...
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Im now trying to get myself out and I just maybe go back to the starting gate again; looks like because of my recovery work with the universe; this is going to happen; However, this is going to be one hard skyscraper to tackle.
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I have to learn to focus again on my inner most memories of who I am; authenticity.
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So; I think its time to move on to phase 3.
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As for past relationships... I can almost handle it; that when I align for a relationship; those relationships in the past were not with nice people. And there it is....
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NOTE; ( Im dissociating all the time when going deeper with memories of relationships); So becoming present is what I will work on...
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This time I have to first experience what its like to come back to myself completely under God and with GOd.. Get whole again; and Im very close to moving forward with this idea... I have to feel what its like to love and be complete with those feelings; but not have them tied to anyone; That means alignment and letting go of false relationships from the past of not so nice people. And thats happening... or can happen that I can try that... work on that; I believe that can happen because im aware that those from the past were never what they seemed; they were liars and fakes and schemers... They were never going to change; they were habitual bad people with bad intentful actions... Pure evil. Im not evil and I dont have to act like it...
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NOTE: Denial is claiming those of a past relationship were actually broken people who needed me and they were innocent decent people who needed to be loved. Unfortunately I have prove this just aint so. Either those people lied to me or never saw my value because they never had any; or I limerence-based created new false memories inline with the kind of relationship I dreamed of... THis means; I took one of these not so nice people I was being fooled by; I created new false memories of them wanting me or needing me and playing these maiden roles that needed a knight to love them or they couldn't survive. I created a nice person out of a very dangerous bad person...
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NOTE: I had no idea how dangerous these people were... I had no idea what was going on or why! What kind of worthless scumbags these sycophants were. These types are habitual; this will go on for the remainder of their lives...
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I created false memories of these not so nice people as nice sensitive people lost who needed me. And those memories fooled me for a long time; But the evidence indicates Im lying to myself..
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I made a mistake meeting the wrong people or not stepping away from the wrong people when the red flags hit... \
I did not trust God that others could come along and love me just the way I wanted. All I had to do was walk away from where I was at and meet new people. But that whole bag is up to GOd... Im not used to doing that... Still...... I mean; I can see a new me trying new things; but this time; The base game is a nice game... No more scumbags...
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NOTE: This individual was not interested in me; had no interest; nothing; and yet led me on for 1 12 years... And then claimed I only new her for a few months... She pulled it on me... led me on pulled the rug out on me. I had no idea this was the kind of person I was dealing with; they are dirty murder'rs; thats what they are the lowest kind of scumbag on earth... I see them on the crime channels all the time. It happened to me. THats the best way to put it. THeir goal is to murder; thats what they are about; in one form or another. Im not the only innocent person or decent nice person to be taken or conned by these type of murder'rs... I have to see this as a con... I have to see this for what it was as fast as possible if I want to get over it and move on. and I am. Im very lucky; However; I must get the real me back again...
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NOTE: The idea is that I love myself with no other thoughts. I dont bring up someone from the past; Im just present and I like myself( thats the goal). However, in my mind; I still see those other people who take me over or where I gave myself away to them for love. So; I have to get that dissociation out of my nervous system and get me back. ANd there it is; thats where the work is.
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I can go back to being pure and authentic and Im going to... Im working on it. Im not sure what techniques the universe will bring me for this; Im not sure...
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Phase 3; Activities;
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1. Finish a relationship by way of the universe giving me techniques to get over it.
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Music and Art creation....
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Id love to throw in weight loss; Im not sure what to do about weight loss anymore... I guess I will take it go God... Ive got a stomach like a well eating frog...
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