July 2025
June 2025
Phase 12 #1 The Beginning of Phase 12; The pursuit of new independent States
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From Success based coaches concerning Laws of attraction; Paraphrased;
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“What would I like to be”. My own imagination creates things. I cant blame anyone at this point for what happens in my life”. What I desire; Happiness and marriage; All I have to do is decide what I want; Would I act like Im already married; thus feeling like I married the right person already; What would it feel like if this was true; all the tones of reality; sleep with it; resurrect it. The cause is God. I imagined… Can I give reality to the imagined state; yes; a bridge will appear at some-point and the ability to be part of it. People will help you. People want to help you; they are attracted. So if I persist; those hardened things will become facts; from fantasy to reality. I don’t hve to have evidence to support it; I will assume I am. To assume it will happen and act as if! Allow it all to happen”.
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To Practice; Imagine others I know; imagine seeing their lives change in my imagination and are successful all the way! Do this with numerous people. I have to admit; Id like to do this so I can get better at manifesting; by thinking of others; creating success for them within my mind… ITs not for them; i wont talk to them ever about what is going on in my mind or imagination.
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THE PRESENT:
I may have to really work at what Ive decided I want; meaning; spiritually speaking; The things I want and I want to work…
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One of those areas is relationships
One of those areas are things
One of those areas are happy experiences…
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RELATIONSHIPS:
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In the past; when taking the chance to build a relationship; I never told anyone about who I really am; where Im really at; that they could make a decision on me right then.. maybe if they knew more about me at that moment; they WOULD NOT take me in… it would have ended because I was not enough. At Least quickly.
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At some point by creating a relationship with someone; at some point; I felt like and feel like a 100% impostor; and could not deal with these feeling; they were 2 abrupt… I would create a relationship; But not follow through because i felt like an imposter when it came time to go ahead with it. I felt like I was taking someone under my wing or something and I was the one secretly that needed to be taken under someone's wing. But could not humble myself to tell them that! That was 2 much. And its that exact problem I want to work on.
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The one main area I want shored up is about telling someone else right up front who or what they are dealing with... I dont have any money right now! Im learning to manifest it! That statement says allot. And many will see it as a red flag and many may not! I wont know until i tell them....
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When younger; i did not practice first; for relationships; On how to tell people how I felt; but maybe I was not prepared for the kind of people I would be dealing with.
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Ill have to practice… that will be one area Im working at.
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I would like support; other male friends to hang out with concerning it… So; Ill look in my imagination for such things…
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Its up to me; I imagine what I want; believe I have it… And believe with positive thoughts; thats what counts.. keep working with the universe… Work with the universe on this; Learn how to do this...
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MANIFESTATIONS;
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Imagining
Learning this process; to be up to speed in this process…
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Practice by picking others and within my imagination; imagine they are getting successful by my way of creating step by step influences for them; My goal is to keep this in my own mind; its actually not for them; Im using it to practice imagining a life and then imagining it getting more successful. So; Ill try this… Its not about them. I mean; Ill never share this with them; its about teaching myself and being able to watch in my imagination; watch someone get better and more advanced. Ill just keep at it until I believe. I have to do the work; thats what counts...
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How do I want to desire things; How would I want to live…
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Nice House
Car
Nice jacuzzi
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I seem to have lost my desires… Now Im getting them back. Im starting to believe again slowly. Im starting to believe I can.
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So; Ill work with relationships First; I want these to flourish or work. I simply have not had the right people for relationships. ill imagine them...
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I was never dealing with Honest people...
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I have to learn how to claim it; assume the desire and keep it going until it arrives and shows up…. I have to learn how to do this process… To believe…
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I tried this when young; and almost did it; but then fell apart….
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Now; Im wanting to try it again…
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So; I have allot of manifestations to attempt...
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This is the general area of my goals.
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IN THE PRESENT:
One area that has moved forward;
WHat Happened within the relationship concerning my First Love.... ? This has been of most importance... And Ive moved forward with it; God has helped me; Universe helping me. Finally the focus is on; How did I start a relationship with this person; And how did I destroy it before it started and why? I wanted success did I not; maybe not! But if thats so; why didnt I start it with others; Start relationships after First Love...
I had no other desires anymore for any relationships with anyone... I did not want to get stuck with someone corrupt... I was so tired of it.
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My past does not have many manageable relationships; in fact; non... not really.
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So; manifesting something good for myself is what I have to learn.... I have to learn this.
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Imposter syndrome in relationships. This; major area to work on; all its facets
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Music creation; Im doing OKE... I am participating in creating... At some point in the future; Ill have some things to practice; that will be another day and another experience... So....
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ART WORK; I am suppose to be an Artist; that means daily.
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ART;
I am supposed to be an Artist daily...
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What does this mean; it means Art is a something I use to express who I am; my sensitivity to the world; Its a specific way of showing my opinions to the world... I do it through Art...
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This is only one facet of my life. All the others have to be developed; Im just suggesting this is a main area of my natural life; one area... And it must be taken seriously and become part of my everyday experience.
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I cant live on Art alone; many other areas i am to process through on a daily basis; Ill have to find out what those are. However, for this one thin solid part of myself; I am to participate on a daily basis.
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Confidence; Getting it back... I feel like its kinda coming back... I mean; can I say that; I guess thats what Ive been wanting to build; but Ive wanted the confidence to go after telling someone everything I want about myself and then just see how it flies with others; and totally accept myself...
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THe next half;
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So; I was able to build a relationship process; but when i came time to get involved; I could not be honest about anything; In fact; I could do nothing; I had nothing to say because I had nothing.. What I did have was the truth; but for some reason I refused to use it thinking or feeling it would mean nothing to the other person...
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I had nothing else to offer if I was not going to tell the person the truth. The other problem; I never told them how I felt about them. I refused to do that as well; All from having no experience...
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I took offence that the other person didnt care and didnt seem to care about me... In the end these people like this; did not care if they ever saw me again; it was if they never saw anything in me to start with.
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So; something is wrong here...
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Ill practice and work with God.
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Just having confidence is not enough; I have to be accepted as I am; as a decent person who has some bad deck a cards handed to him. I mean; Im a great person; but my life was stripped of the ability to function grow or live. And so; Im very lucky to be where I am. And I guess Id have to have people around me that could appreciate that. I gave up long enough trying to believe anyone existed like that... That would or could appreciate me.
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The one girl I found adorable; she was faking it... I guess...
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Ill have to rely on God this time... completely...
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After confidence is developed through practicing; ( getting it back); In my imagination; practicing coming from continuous releveling of my imagination through the use of creating bridges and ladders and walkways and pathways from where Im at over gaps and hills and under bridges into tunnels and around curves to final destinations; with this type of work finished over n over n over; results of a strong station appearing in reality; The manifestation of things like confidence and real world practice becomes possible.
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PROBLEM IN RELATIONSHIPS:
As I was laying down reminiscing; I realized; No matter how much confidence and how hard I developed an aggressive front to show my interest and no matter how well it was working; the people I worked this on did show very little interest in me or value. It seems I was not only not appreciated but not valued. I meant nothing to them... However; the confidence was getting me somewhere; showering of all the attention seem to be working... Even tho they literally had no value for me. I loved them while around them; it meant nothing to them; they were the wrong type of people.
This means; Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people.
Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people.
Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people.
Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people
Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people
Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people....
Im trying to have relationships with the wrong people.
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One of my major goals then; Working with GOd; Have relationships with the right people; And make this a priority. Meaning; to learn what the wrong people are and what the right people are.
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Many of the people of the past; Some I could marry; they would have married me based on how aggressive an interest I took in them; but not based on who I am on the inside; These are not the right people. I can only assume people like this faked their friendship with me...
I meant nothing to these people but they would continue to act like friends until I put a stop to it... And if women; some would have married me even tho they hated me and despised me. I mean; why would someone marry me if I meant nothing to them; And yet they would; I THINK. IVe been wrong before. It looked like it... Who knows; they may have dumped me only a few months later; I really dont know!
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The point is; Trying to convince someone that feels nothing for me; trying to convince them of having a relationship with me; Why? I mean; why would I be that desperate; why not go find a girl that does like me; Likes me at a basic level.
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NOTE: And while Writing this; A thought came to me from the Universe; an innocent frequency; Finding The RIght Girl. This is a clue of what I just wrote; " Why not go find a girl that does like me"; I mean; someone that sincerely likes me. Ive actually created women like this. but they were unavailable.
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HEres the problem; I dont know what that looks like. Ill have to work with God on this...
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I dont know why some people would not value me; unless they think they are better then me. Fair enough; I assume I was over aggressive with my love bombing of them and it worked... Confidence ruled; but what good is it if in the back of their minds they despise me; and if so; they are not my friends ( never will be my friends) ( Wrong Choice) and certainly dont love me; Will never Love me! This is a strange person to have taken any interest in me????
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I have met women that have loved me; Ive seen it before... unfortunately they had many problems.
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The problem I have is. When I went off and found someone to love; it was the wrong person. I just was; it was someone that despised me; thought they were better than me; payed me no mind; and as soon as they could get rid of me; they did! With confidence I love bombed them to a point of surrendering them to me. But what good was it... Who wants to capture someone who hates me. As soon as they felt free; they will escape and curse the day they ever met me; spitting spiteful hatred at me as if I was a loser who should have never been born...
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So; its very confusing.
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I know this; Im working toward the confidence to handle everything I want to find out... Ill work with God on it.
ill create it all in my imagination and start looking for it in the real world.
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