July 2025
June 2025
SO it is beginning;
THis is very important change...
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Im beginning to rematerialize at the level of my earliest childhood memories and identity... For me; it feels Im there.. Im at that age with the same friends I remember; as if nothing got in the way. Ill explain.
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My whole childhood was buried in dissociative disorder; disconnected..
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Now; At a noon meeting; writing a journal of events ; suddenly it came to me; after I spoke and many others spoke.
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It began to materialize. It started with silhouettes. I could see the house; but the occupants; these were occupants of my beginning childhood.. These were the first family of children I ever met; They were my age and older; I was 4 years old. And suddenly at a meeting Im starting to see them materialize on their front porch; a big old fashioned 1800's style ranch porch; with columns holding up a basic pointed slanting roof... Like a big deck porch that wrapped around a house corner...
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I started seeing them; the silhouette.. And then color; color that represents emotions within the inner boundaries of their outlines. I could see all of them; More importantly; I could see more then just outline; they were all outside ont he porch; like it was for a picture... and they looked cartoonish and it all fit in with the cartoonish brown background of colors... But I could see cartoon eyes and smiles and figures of arms and hands and legs and such; and faces; It was enough that it appeared and I have the feeling id been their before; I mean; I was becoming that person again; THe 4 year old was surfacing in me; the emotions the memories; for real. The original me; my original experiences.
The point is; When I see people of the past materialize in front of me at my level emotionally; it means Im at that frequency of my childhood; It means the real me is me of that time period; I'm coming back. And I am.
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Im seeing that original family on the porch... Im seeing it from when I was 4-5 years old; That point of view. However; a change is occuring; I'm not looking at the past at another aspect of myself; Im getting back inline as the 4-5 year old; my original self and the secrets that come with it. So; Im getting back my authentic feelings and memories..
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What was stole from me yearly in life; My life was stolen and shut down. Now its appearing again... And its mine; I own it... If I can get this time period back; It will be a miracle; and it looks like thats whats happening.
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ITs the beginning of it.
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What does this mean;
Wells; Its been happening in short moments for awhile; slowly getting stronger; the feeling of materializing in my childhood again...
Im not looking at my childhood; IM IN MY CHILDHOOD; ITs me again. And suddenly all the surroundings that went with that childhood are showing up as my legitimate memories again.
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I thought all of this was gone never to return. I had no idea I was going to return like this... My childhood is not just a part of me.
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I AM MY CHILDHOOD... Im authentically back as child; as me; as authentic me with memories intact... Identity is what Im talking about... Im becoming my original Identity
Its as if everything got buried and now Im back again and remembering everything as if its real.. As if its still here; but its more then that... I feel the memories; as if they happened a few moments ago. Im not talking about PTSD. Im talking about my real life; My childhood; everything I remember is starting to show up within me; all of it
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Im slowly coming back to being myself before the trauma... And I get everything with it including all dreams and hopes of the future; everything is coming back'; NOT YET! Its just starting.
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Nothing in this life is worth more to me... And God is resupplying it...
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