July 2025
June 2025
This will be short but to the point. An important point for moving forward..
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My mother was a sadistic psychopath... I was unlucky but very lucky. Because my father was around as a child; she could not do anything to me unless he was gone. And at certain times when she had me alone; She did. And they were of the worst sadistic attempts; whether it be verbal or trying to burn me in a bathtub...
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Later she will use relational terror or reputational terror; as a child she will try to destroy my name with the school systems I attend.
She will try to move away from my home town jaring me from my foundations. When I father leaves; she will immediately bring in strange unsafe men into my home; something I only saw as a horror movie on TV before this... I will end up with PTSD and other mass problems; no one will care..
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And then I will be discarded...
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She had no maternal connection to me; Nothing; I was despised;
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All I secretly wanted in this life; was a Mother and a Father. I wanted to Love my mother; thats all I ever wanted...
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In High School; I meet My FIrst Love; because I realize; I want to love her for ever... I dont know why! Im not sure; why her? I want to love her; I want to give her love and shower her with love. After a long period of time; I realize she his showing signs of psychopathy... I had all ready seen the anti social personality traits... And finally I realize; this is not a broken person who needs to be loved; this is a criminal mind like my mothers. When I realized she was just like my mother; I realized there was no one love; And I was completely devastated; and defeated. I had no more interest in being alive... I had no more interested in relationships...I had no more interest in anything...
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TO THE PRESENT:
NOW IM BACK.
I want to get into a relationship to love the other person; but dont want to get hurt. I dont want to keep finding people like my mother; " I wanted to luv love my mother"; That was my only role in life. I ended up being pushed and forced into hating her. But it wasnt that part of me that loved that was hating. I hate all criminals that destroy people... I mean; Im a decent person...
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I still wanted to love my mother and I still do. I want to love my mother; that is all I live for... So; I will find someone else to love. It is scary and not easy to be this way; Its easy to get destroyed; led on and destroyed... I dont want go through that; it causes resentment and entitlement problems; I dont want those either.
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So; I will take this whole concept to GOd; I wanted to love and cherish my mother. I wanted to love and adore and cherish my First Love. Unfortunately; non of that will be possible; so; ill have to work with God for someone else.
Our partner
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