July 2025
June 2025
The PHASE Series purpose;
1. Function again in creating and performing my own music
2. Girlfriend; Must first work through the past concerning past girlfriends from the past and let them go; must work through past luv's; work through them and let them go completely before I can start in the present.
3. Car
NOTE: I just added Car a few days ago, to the list... Should get interesting; My research is indicating a real war inside myself; hatred hardness and anger from my past concerning cars... Ill have to investigate... Lots of massive walls. Lots of lack of maturity on knowing how to finance a car in my situation or the mature sacrifice to have one... or the willingness to look into what it would take to have one for the next numerous years... how much money it would take; Im really angry that my life is financially where it is; WHere am I going to get the money for all this? I have to mature and work with the universe and learn how to trust... I have to start by wanting a car. I have to believe I can get one. Money fear concerning car... Finance; big big chunk of monthly money...
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BACK TO THE STORY;
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GIRLFRIEND; So; to have a future girlfriend I have to get rid of my connections and codependency on my FIRST LOVE: Technically that has been happening for a while know; It is over; SHe has been pulled from the roots out of my soul; my body; my mind my behavior. With enough investigative abilities and the universe helping me; she is found out; the truth about her. She found to be a dangerous criminal sociopath with signs of psychopathy type personality. With no fault of my own; no legal fault or moral fault; I simply fell in with a criminal minded family system I was not aware of. Unfortunately; I will be destroyed before I know what is happening. Such things happen in life. I was naive and young and innocent; I was a nice kid who wanted to help someone.. I had made a grave mistake by showing up at the wrong house at the wrong time and I was murdered for it. SUch things happen to nice people everyday. THank GOd Im awake now from all this... So I can start a new life; THanks need to be given to GOd and Jesus and The Universe; amen!
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STARTING A NEW LIFE....
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CARS; THis is primarily on my mind; Ill pray about it.
First; A new investigation of; Why am I having such problems concerning cars; having cars as part of my life. Im aware of anyones gripe concerning cars. Technically when looking at different forms of transportation; My transportation needs require more then just a bus stop into a new city. I would like to take a bus to a new city; spend a day in that city; and then just leave; but thats not my situation; I want to spend time at specific places within the county of the city; that would require extra personalized transportation; An uber for example. If I arrived on bus in a new city; I would need an Uber waiting for me; to pick me up; take me to my destination within the county of the city; after my business was conducted; I would uber to the bus stop; take the bus back home. In the end; What would all of that cost and how much time would all of that take. What are the times of the buses... Or even a plane ride... By the time Im done; could I actually show up in that city for one day; entertain myself for a few hours; then go home... can I do it in a timely manner and for cost. Well; after adding it all up. To visit the city and then come home; With Uber it would cost 120 bucks if I take a bus and uber after arriving by bus. However, it would take 7 hours from my city to that destination within that other city Im interested in visiting. And I want to arrive in the morning or early afternoon. Not possible I think; by bus... What would it cost to rent a car; 200 bucks for a day... and a 2 1/2 hours to get to my destination by car from my city. WHat would it cost lease a car for three months plus insurance...
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NOTE; Just 3 months; what would it cost me to lease a car...
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The problem is; I have many many small little vacation spots Im interested in being a part of. Some are 150 miles away; some are 200 miles away; some are 35-40 miles away. I would like to spend a reasonable amount of time at these places this summer.
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I think of 5-6 different places I want to go in the summer months; to the mountains; over the mountains to the train station for a train ride through the woods... Id like to visit 2 different small lake resorts for a day at a time. I would like to visit a yacht club marina about 40 miles away on the river; maybe stay the night; just look around; have lunch; come back....
I know of a little wonderful camping swimming local get-away on the river; a beautiful place to visit everyday in the summer; its about 35 miles away.. I used to visit as a kid. Id love to go there twice a week... in the summer months; so about 8 times minimum this summer. Adding up all of this; im looking at 20 visits to various things this summer.
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That does not include transportation to another city to catch a train to a bigger city; And those type train rides are another aspect of vacationing Im not focusing on in this blog.
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What would it cost to rent a car for all of these smaller skirmishes. Can I Uber them? Well? Maybe... I mean. It gets hella expensive ubering from one city to the next...
For many of my outing interests; renting a car would be fisable. Aleast 8 outings; THats about 1600 to 2 Grand. With the price of a rental car comes the processing fees; and the car insurance and towing and.... it goes on n on. ITs about 180 bucks in my area to rent a car for a day when all is said n done... So; with gas; 1500 to 2 grand by the time I get done for the summer. THis does not count the numerous rides to the mountain camp grounds or the river campsite I mention previously I enjoy visiting numerous times this year...
Lease a car for 4 months; 3000$...
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If I add up the cost for several years of my vacation interests; A car makes sense... Maybe renting a car for the summer....
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NOTE: A car makes sense for the kind of vacationing i like to do in the summer; for the summer months; a car makes terrific sense.
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TO lease a car; That is possible. Its 500 bucks a month... Add 150 bucks for insurance... So; about 3500 bucks for the months of interest... I might consider this...
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Do I lease or just buy a used car... Plenty of used honda's out there with 100,000 miles will last me 5 years...
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Ive estimated I can pay for the cost of of some maintenance issues with a car; the insurance per month and the registration and tags n so forth; But Not The Car LOL! Its not funny; but why not look at it from a humorous point of view; I mean; why not; SHy not! Per year I can pay for these extras; but not the car! So;
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The first thing Ill do is take it to God; Back way up before I think someone owes me. I may have to go back to young childhood so I can get away from the idea someone did me in and someone owes me. WHy do I think someone owes me a car; Im mad; Im angry; Im austile toward the abuse I incurred when younger.
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Ill have keep working on all of this; work with God on this. The idea is to step back way beyond the time of the beginning of anger or someone controlling me; back to a time where things like cars are my business and no one else involved. Ill ask GOd for helpers; people to support my emotionally psychologically as I work through; within my imagination; getting to a frequency for obtaining a car.
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Girlfriends;
I just had a breakthrough.. It was in my thinking; it was a part of me that just released; Its realising me into the present; some aspect of me; its happening because of all the prior work Ive done on the past; and the past has been supervised by God.
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So; For obtaining women; its starting. Bringing women back in my life. It wasn't possible if I was living in the past; the past has to be stripped out... If that be; that means; I get catapulted into the future or the present; and thats whats happening. Im walking along and suddenly; BAM! Im here; within a split second it happened.
It will take much more then this to be present for bringing women into my life. By being present; my emotions are present for whom ever is in front of me... Im out going and expressive; that's what I need. its a start; naturally moving from victim back to life.
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Car; I have much work to do on this; I must go back very far; very deep into my past to the beginning before the apparent neglect and abuse... being thrown away. Start writing stories about my independent future... About helpers and getting confidence trusting God.
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