July 2025
June 2025
concerning my First Love; I was lazy.
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I was lazy not taking care of myself.
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A person has to be really careful these days; or when I was young on picking people for relationships. I have to be really careful...
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I was not careful when young. I took the first person I met up the street; no references nothing.
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I have to be careful... I got played completely when I was young; completely taken in and completely taken by surprise... totally taken; Whats a big scary about the whole ordeal is the person was completely evil.. And I spent my time around a complete monster who was completely evil.. and did not know in time...
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Working with God; God is now showing me.
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WHAT IS GOD SHOWING ME!
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GOD IS SHOWING ME THIS: I am a nice person; Stay with nice people; do not venture out... Stay with my own crowd.
I believe now; I kind of know who they are( Im not around them). I had no idea how to find them... THey are sensitive sunshiny colorful warm people... They like things like crafts n stuff..... THey are warm; warm like puppets at a puppet show for kids...
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I was a sensitive nice guy; wanting to help someone to bring them to this side; the side of love and caring. I made a mistake; I had crossed the lines into enemy territory and I was completely destroyed most of my life from it. My internal self was ruptured; my nervous system. It was like being raped... I had many breakdowns and could not get into relationships ever again... my mind was destroyed.. my nervous system destroyed...
IF I had been older; I would have taken these kind of filth into the courts and shown damages done. At least the state would know what who they were and what they were pulling on our countryman... Criminals; basically criminal fraud... THese type of criminals do not respect the law of GOd or the law of the land; they are lawless. I made the mistake of wanting to help them; I thought something was wrong with them; they were being neglected and if I loved them enough; they would soften up and become human again. Im afraid I was wrong... there were no humans there... THese were a bunch of lawless sociopaths; Nothing more.
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THe more I write on it; on this blog and other places and keep this up; the more the universe continues to reward me and give more information so I can become free.
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Im a nice sensitive person that was completely taken for a ride!
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Ill have to keep working with the universe.
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A person has to be careful... One cannot be lazy when it comes to dating someone or finding the right person; making sure; if theyve been working with GOd to date again; making sure they actually get to the right people God is bringing and not a fraud sociopathic narcissists or psychopaths jumping into the mix to fake someone out.
NOTE: This Soulmate thing is dangerous... Ive had several narcissists show up... I finally stopped; regathered; got more help to try and get in touch with my feelings; This started several years ago; ANd now; here I am. Im back...
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While working with the laws of attraction; Ive had several women show up that were sociopaths sadistic; they show up acting normal; looking normal; they were not.. they were frauds... I never did get to the right people...
NOTE: Today Im a bit better stronger; So; Im not putting the blame on anyone else. I have to stop being lazy and wize up and look around first before I interact with people I dont know...
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My hope is; that I can continue to see even more of my behavior of leaving my nest when young to venture out where I made these mistakes of going off my land or out into unknown areas where I was destroyed; and this time I stop blaming anyone else for it. I had no business being stupid and had no business being lazy about this... I didnt exactly know better at the time; I was mentally ill. And was not present... However; its my life; If I want to stay alive; Ive got to be careful.. especially on who I decide to spend time with... Ill work with GOd on it!
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So; Ill keep working at things. I still have a world of depth to go into where the poison still remains.. I have to work that out of my inner system with Gods help...
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I dont try and help others ever again; not unless they are well into some kind of a recovery program; and even then I dont help them at a personal level. Never again! Maybe if Im sharing and someone gets something out of my sharing.
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Im glad to have gotten this far. but It will take some time to get used to all this. And I hope I can see even more of the real picture of this and thus as this monster leaves my memories and nervous system; the warmth I remember of my original life can come back to me... come back within me...
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