July 2025
June 2025
Well now! Thats interesting that I would put Music Creation as a series of blogs...
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Ill start talking about it.
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I was talking to a friend coming home today from a meeting this morning; I brought up the plight of music creation; how I hate music and How it all sucks... because? because Im nobody in it; Im lazy in it; Im so lazy in the areas Id have to be strong.
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Im enraged I have to be someones servent... to perform for them like an owned monkey... I hate it... I feel like Im being sexually abused or under sexual abusers control; thats the way it feels.
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Could I make my own music and start their and perform it; Ill talk about that.
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Im angry because i dont have the credentials for that; I mean; I hardly can read sheet music in real time; I can write it. Im not sure how I would create a music experience for others to enjoy; im freaked out by the idea of others enjoying or others coming up and playing my instruments or something... that really bothers me...
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So; performing live; dealing with that... Something else... something in the middle of performing live; Like I should be doing more with my life then be a musician . Living according to someone elses stuff.
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The goal here is to work through the fear of performing live; music! creating music and performing it live; whats the problem and talking about it; deep set rage and hatred associated with this...
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I have to keep writing; keep opening up what im scared of; scared of being a victim where others are taking advantage of me after I perform; touching my stuff; using my stuff; using me...
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This is whats got me most angry... boundaries... how to handle them; confrontation...
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So; Im starting... I mean.
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And; and feeling of; what is the use or purpose of this; who will listen to it anyway or care...
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So; Ill keep writing on this subject... start letting this all out... the fear and where it comes from.
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I can see being hacked in grade school. I can see middle school indifference and bulling because I was completely alone; same with high school. no one cared what happened to me; nothing!
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So; working on this..... and then I see stupid music that can do nothing for me; Iike Im strapped with this stupidity; I feel like a rickshaw driver in india; what's the use.
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I many areas to just talk about concerning the creation of music and its purpose... Whats this all about... why create it. Ive lost my feeling of being a powerful person.... or having purpose; I dont know.
ill just keep working with the universe to open this up; its a closed abused room of fire behind a fire door... its like no recovery in this area; Ill start working with the universe on this...
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