July 2025
June 2025
Mother and father blog; what does this mean; its about the neglect and losses of my childhood and abandonment by my mothers and father when I was young. ITs about how it affected me; how I turned out; what to do about the dysfunctions from it; And the recovery from it...
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Im winning; life is returning and I can prove it. In fact; Im shocked; very shocked; very stressed; very confused and very grateful.
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My biggest fear was remembering all of those who ruined my life when young; those I trusted innocently… and who tried to break me; a tragedy.
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So; I did not want them to ever come back. I did not want to be reminded of them or that I could not sustain life with out them. It was the old life broken and destroyed. However, another miracle has happened; several of them.
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1. Im back in the 10th grade working through 10th grade stuff; One of the most important times of this tragedy. In some respects; the most important time of this later tragedy… For I truly am broken and falling through the abyss at this time.
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2. The confusion of my first love; altho I associate her with society; She still did not exactly do anything to me; she just responded to me; my vast ignoring of her over n over until not much was left of our association with each other. I was mad that she did not understand anything… It was frustrating…
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3. Speaking of all these things at meetings; openly…
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4. Morning meeting today; speaking on 10th grade and my first love; I began to feel this family closeness as if I was at the dinner table talking and bringing my feelings up about things as if I was with a family; safe and expressive about what was happening when I was in 10th grade; a true horror tragedy… So; I was able to start expressing myself again as if I was back in the 10th grade… only this time; Im nto around anyone from that time period that could abuse me or put me down. I was around new people; and the universe has allowed me to start expressing myself the way I always wanted to.
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5. On the way home on my bike outside in the cold; I thought; I could marry my first love. What does this mean. It means Im coming back; Im starting feel like Im part of life again in the present. And if God sends someone to me; Im present and powerful. Im feeling right now; im breathing now! Right now; power right now; Im in the now… And thus could be prepared for a relationship with someone; for Im coming back again. So; I mean; its a continuation onward of 10th grade; Its as if things some how got reversed; Im back then or there again in 10th grade; I found safety shelter and help; and am in the rehabilitation levels.. taking part in things with others and getting help and learning about my situation and what I can do about it… it like I have power and Im back again doing things for myself; where in the past I just fell away and died and drown and never came back nor wanted to… Now I get this other chance.
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Its just starting for me; all of this new…
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So; Im just curious thinking about things; trying new things; seeing where the universe is opening all of this up for me…
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6. I can feel what is happening; its just what I dreamed about when I was a kid wanting to get older; the kind of life I wanted or who I wanted to become; its starting right beneath me and all around me and right in front of me… everywhere.
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Ill be asking God about music and Art creation. And what direction that could go; see where God wants to help me regain that… again… or what ever.
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All im doing right now is feeling; listening and watching; Im working the universe bring aspects of my life back to me. And its being done in a way that is at a different frequency then the past; its all new; The past isnt really getting triggered… Its getting undermined by God; and a whole new life is being set forth underneath the old; God is doing it all.
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Im just an observer right now of all this… this new thing. I will watch and see what it does and where it goes…
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