July 2025
June 2025
More correct History; another angle
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So;
For the girl up the street; my first love
For the guy up the street; my best friend closer than a brother.
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From another angle.
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Both of these people came from well to do backgrounds; I was able to slip in through the door through permissions…. One might say I had a title of Permission to meet them. Normal No! One does not get to associate with such people with out credentials;
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As for the kid; my best friend. I met him young enough that I was a small child; Thus; very easily getting through the front door.
As for the girl; My brother just happened to have known her brother and I was asked by them to go meet her… Im guessing; simply randomly; both my brother and her brother knew each other and they were heading up in that direction and asked me if I wanted to come along; I said yes. I ended up at their house; and she happened to be in the house when I was invited into the house; and their it is… no more than that…
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A new perspective;
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Lets talk about these 2 people. and may the viewer understand; I speak of almost all my social situations when I speak of these 2 people; for all of this is about my disfunction and how to get better.
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So; As for these 2 people; they were actually and strangely identical to each other in many ways.
First their parents were wealthy or upper middle class; The parents were pathological rich snobs kind of… just enough. a and evil and stuck up just enough…. Pathological; not that human; actually very pathological in many respects; just enough. Just enough to make it confusing for me…
I found an in; especially with the girl. I would save her from her parents that never really loved her… that way she would love me instead… and I would have true love for ever.
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As for the kid up the street; my best friend; I felt he was an introverted nice kid intelligent and I could tell we had something in common; our decency… We were brothers at arms.. soulmates….
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The Reality of things.
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In both cases; I conned my way into meeting them.
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Both people had credentials; both strait A students; both well above average in intelligence. Both responsible for their school work..
The kid also worked at his parents business and the girl was a cheerleader….
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So; I did not have the credentials to know them. Either of them.
I asked God about this and God told me. “ Omnicell” “ I see you and know you and I know your just as good as these people; However, They do not have to”.
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God was explaining to me that these people did not owe me anything; If I wanted acceptance; I could go to God and God would accept me; but this girl up the street and this kid up the street did not. And that is correct; they did not have to accept me.
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I lied to them. I made everything look like I was just like they were…. Why did I do this; I was looking for followers. IT was a thrill to control these people; I felt powerful. But at some point it all fell apart and they found out.
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I actually fooled the girl. And when I realized it was working; I ran off…. When I ran off she found out I was a hustler lying to her… She realized I was not what I claimed to be and I had hustled my way in to see her; After this; she never took me seriously ever again… I mean; I was laughed at very quickly and I was finished; and that was that….
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As for the kid up the street; same thing; When he realized I was not functioning in school or showing signs of kind of criminal like; not really criminal; but self seeking motives or low life motives; He immediately pulled away.
The fact was; I did not have his credentials. I was doing nothing in the school system and no one cared. He was working hard and had been since the day he got into grade school in order to go after his dream..
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Regardless of the cards dealt to him or me. My pathway would not get better by hanging out with him… or this girl up the street.
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I had no credentials to be around these people; I was a liar and a con man and I would looking for followers; people to believe in my greatness without me doing any work. I wanted to be loved by my flock.
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I talked to God about this later in my recovery process; and God made it clear that God would accept me but these people would not.
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In a sense; I intruded on their lives when I was not asked to… and I was exposed; and in embarrassment I ran off and never really came back.
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I wanted what they had; I was just as good as they were; but I had not earned anything and I thought that unfair; I had gotten dealt a hand of cards I didnt ask for; they should at least acknowledge this and be my friends. However; God said “ Thats not how it works”.
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They were strait A students; I was strait F student. Sorry; it didnt work; they never accepted me. And I was mad about it… I was just as good as they were; why didnt they love me….
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So; I was projecting my problem with my parents onto these strangers….
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I made a fool out of myself; I was found out and asked to leave….
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I was bent out of shape about it and hurt. I felt like a total failure… I collapsed within myself; I was not good enough.
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Today; working with God; I am suppose to go down a specific trail or pathway God sets up for me; Not one that looks like someone elses.
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I am suppose to work with God on development. I lost all development when young; so; with support of support meetings; I am to re trace my life from the beginning re earning and establishing myself one step at a time; one new experience at a time; thus developing my inner life…
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If I want to hang out with rich people who are professionals; I will need equal credentials of some kind. Since i have nothing like that; it is very unlikely they will come to me; thus going back to God asking what the next step will be.
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The steps from God;
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In the eyes of the world; I am what I have earned….
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In the eyes of God; I am the value of what God created….
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So; in the eyes of the world; if I want to become more than what I am; I want better experiences… I work with God one step at a time; slowly building to the next step of experiences the puts me back into life again.. slowly. Im going through this now; very slowly being put back into opportunities to be social and show social excellence at a level not to fair from home. A very small step; one step at a time establishing myself from the last step.
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Are well to do rich people going to show up; I doubt it.. I mean; why? And why do they need to; I never earned it. Im fine; Im OKE…
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I get what I earn no more…. If I want more; I work with God on the plans to develop myself to the next level so Im a match of what it is I want…. I have to earn it first…
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And as I said; going to the stuck up pathological well to do for acceptance is certainly a calamity in the making; it simply wont happen And it should not… thats the last place I need to create lies and its the last place God is going to take me I believe.
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Im on my own path with God and God will bring the appropriate level of people to match where Im at in life…
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Again; Im am a valuable worthwhile nice guy; nice person; Ask God; He will tell you. But to go up to stuck up arrogant rich people of much education and work ability; Im sorry; “ THEY doNT CARE”; And they never will… Thats the last people to associate with; they live in a closed world with electric fenced communities…. Why would I ever be seen in a place like that…. i never earned it…. I mean; thats ridiculous and i dont ever remember God ever telling me to go to a place like that or supply a place like that..
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So; the first thing i might work on with God is; Take a look at that disfunction in school system of being an F student and see if I cant work with God and a pathway with God and see if I can found out what needs to happen for me to either believe I can do better at such things or feel safe enough to apply myself. Because Ive always had a dissociated state of no compliance to anything and everything. Thats what i should be working on; I should not be running up to peoples houses and trying to find the richest house on a Gated community; trying to find the Doctors in the Bunch and trying to invade their homes with a con job hustle so I can fit in and be friendly with them so I can live out my fantasies…. Sorry; this just wont work and it wont turn out well for anyone. None of those kinds of people have have jumped up around me and wanted me to hang out… I dont remember any professional people wanting to hang out with me.
Is this the right path or me? Getting my credentials together simply so I can hang out with Rich well to do people so they will accept me; Yes? is that what Im suppose to do….? I dont think so. I dont see God going or taking me in that direction… I see no signs of it and I dont see any Doctors showing up at my door…. And that is because it Was never my direction.
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I know what my direction is; Im not sure who will show up while Im on it; I pray its nice people…. Other than that; its got little to nothing to do with money value or social status. Most of my life is about redeveloping the basics I never got in school or as a little boy….
I am to take this one step at at time working with God… to gain new experiences and strength by doing so.
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I hope Im making myself clear…
All i did Was make a fool out of myself and showing up looking like a lying bum in front of a bunch of strangers who never wanted me in the first place.
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So; Im learning about my pathway; taking the next step of ego reduction to slowly make it back into the general populous….
I get only what I earn. and if I dont know how to earn; I go to God for the next step forward…
Our partner
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