July 2025
June 2025
More concepts of first love and best friend.
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Its so horrible and sad; all of this. worst possible scenarios. No real best friend; just used; no real first love; just played by a stranger who saw me as a stranger who walked into a net..
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I was played by predators who had a free day to annihilate someone. I was around predators; why? Thats a much better question at this point than to ask who these people were; For get them; its better to ask who I am and who I was and what happened in between my early childhood and my association with those people.
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From an early time period I went off on my own to make friends and do the things I wanted to accomplish; I did it with others; not with someone from the family system I came from.
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So; I purposely would find others to spend time with; unfortunately this was a huge mistake I did not understand at the time. I saw everything from the standpoint of TV show. In reality; these people I met were bad people with the intent on manipulating others; taking advantage of them. They saw me as a sucker they could work.... and they did.
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I will say this; in those cases with these predators; Red flags all over the place. When I met this person very young; he told me his family thought of my brothers as trash. This kid was 5 years old. My brothers were not trash anymore then yours are. What kind of thing is this to say about someone; especially little kids... My brothers would have been 7 or 9 years old; I mean; What? So; this comment was a good sign of what I was really getting into.. These were not the kinds of people to play with. These were monsters and creating monsters.
This little kid did do something; The stuff he was telling me; It was from God; it was a warning sign to run. But I didnt understand. This kid later; when I was 10 years old; and thrown away and abused; this kid told me his parents and him said I deserved it because I was a bad kid! Bam! What? When was I a bad kid; I had spent my time around their family the whole time. This was the strangest and a horrible thing to hear from another child; it was a comment of prejudice against me. I mean; the horrible kind as if I wasnt wanted because they were superior; But it was also a sign. It was not a sign that those people saying it were better; it was a sign for me to run... This kid was telling me his family system was evil and I had no business being their; it was God who told me to say that. It was a message to me to run and get out.. and get away from them.
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Later; when I went back to his families for Christmas about 20 years ago; it was horrible the way I was being treated; kind of. But I remember his holder sister; the dog chased me; I chased it and she pulled the dog back as if to protect it from me. And then she said something to me... and it was rude and horrible. But; again; it was not about me. It was a warning to leave because I was not sick like they were. Very interesting thing. I was not part of their family. but because they were evil; it was God coming through her to tell me to get away from that place and from them,...
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The boy I grew up with who was at the party; he was a complete stranger as an adult. He treated me like I was inferior stock at a farm.. farm equipment. unbelievable.
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.So; the warning signs from these people were; " Theirs nothing wrong with you" " you need to leave"; and their it is... scary scary stuff. and leave I did; several times..
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So; this was not my friend; this kid; that is whats so important about all this; this was not my friend; I was being groomed to believe it that I be used by him and his family; once they got what they wanted; I was cast aside...
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The first love I had. No such animal. Now; I see that love frothing out into or from me; like the flames of a dragon; It just kind of all comes out into the air and evaporates into nothing. and then its gone and not coming out anymore; No one is their to respond to it.
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However, if a criminal, or manipulator or predator sees it; a hustler; They might walk up in front of me and play the part of someone interested in me. Thus; I shower them with these flames of pure friendship and love thinking the person in front of me was sent by God. In reality; Im naive; I was never hanging out in the right area for anyone decent for me to love... The person or people who showed up in front of me were monsters masquerading because they saw I was innocent and naive. Their goal was to bring me down; why? because they are pure evil; and evil wants to murder; and their it is; They murder the innocent in the dark places.... They are murder'rs... And their it is.
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And why was I around murder'rs; I attracted them because I was lonely and desperate for anyone; automatically; and thats why I knew them; no other reason. In both cases; I thought these people were innocent nice people and could be my best of friends; In reality; no such thing existed but I didnt know it until it was to late and the masks came off and I saw them for who they really were; and no such friendship animal existed; These were not friends of mine; no way.
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Ive spend my life learning how to let go of them and see this thing clearly.
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Im worth more then this... way more; always have been; walked into situations with this goons but had no idea. Now Im slowly trying to walk out again and be someone of worth; looking back and being clear of these phony people. They are evil and dangerous and not for people of value like myself to associate with.
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These creeps are 2 faced in ways no normal human being will disguise themselves. Its pure evil and I made a mistake... What does mis take mean.
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mis·take
/məˈstāk/
Learn to pronounce
noun
noun: mistake; plural noun: mistakes
an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong.
"coming here was a mistake"
be wrong about.
"because I was inexperienced I mistook the nature of our relationship"
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It seems almost a word of mis and take... I kind of experience that was off in time or calendar date.. Have to do a do over.
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anyway; the saddest part that I have to come to grips with is not just being really manipulated into believing these people were interested in me; and thats what they did; and they did it with cunning and refinement. The biggest problem or saddest aspect was; I had no family behind it. Nothing. I was desperate to live... I had no place to go... I had nothing and the horror of that and stress of that and sadness of that; and that is why I was taken advantage of because I was thrown away young into nowhere.. and then trampled to death one might say; hooking up with the wrong people; anyone that looked like they wanted to help me. or be with me or be a friend of mine... But I was wrong.. non of them wanted to be a friend of mine; they wanted to play me and destroy me because I belonged to nothing and no one; they thought they could get away with it in secret and they did.
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Car; So; Ill have to work with the universe on another direction for my car. Ill keep using the laws of attraction and work with the universe on attracting it.
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