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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- July 2025
Getting close to a new quantum leap into a new area of developme
   Mon Jul 21, 2025 2:45 am
So; I deal with my first interactive crisis
   Sun Jul 20, 2025 5:36 am
Dating support
   Sat Jul 19, 2025 6:12 am
Im a recovery person
   Thu Jul 17, 2025 4:19 am
The new message from God concerning women!
   Mon Jul 14, 2025 10:19 am
Im Building a network support for dating...
   Mon Jul 14, 2025 2:15 am
Setting the intention
   Sun Jul 13, 2025 6:46 pm
Wife; Family; Children; Marriage..
   Sun Jul 13, 2025 8:33 am
I have to start over in 2025.
   Thu Jul 10, 2025 5:04 pm
The next goal is; Dating
   Wed Jul 09, 2025 5:24 am
At this point Im a guy that is 40 years behind…
   Wed Jul 09, 2025 12:58 am
Update to goals; second goals update…
   Tue Jul 01, 2025 6:21 pm

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Many movements forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jan 20, 2024 8:22 am

Blog;
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Im mentally ill… Im broken.. Completely. Im legally mentally ill; that is serious; as serious as it gets. And sometimes I forget this.
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So; why don’t I give up? I DONT KNOW! I seem to have some hope that with enough mental health work Ill get some independence… I seem to believe this; and for some reasons; I have gotten better. I feel better; but Im still freaked out and my mind is broken… But; I seem to have purpose to work hard to get a life; an independent life. And I believe its worth it and working… But Im still broken and mentally ill. I have large extremes of hope!
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First love; My First Love; iF I had said; “ Hi; Im mentally Ill would you take care of me”. That would have said it all. I would not have to have said anything else…
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If I had told this person the truth I would have felt a whole lot better at the time. I no doubt would have gotten an answer of no; and moved on! And if thats the case; what scares me; why would I bother going to someones house like this in the first place. What was I looking for… It seems I was looking to be destroyed or abused by someone; I was looking for an abusive person who would abuse me and throw me away… In this case; somewhat dangerously. It was dangerous to do what I did. I was playing self suicide… thats what I was doing… It was like I was trying to kill myself… Its like I drank poison; What then could the only outcome be…
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Ive since learned to leave people like this alone. They don’t want me anyway!
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Im doing the recovery work; I want to wake up to understand the world I live in; to learn how to be as honest as I can be about myself; about my situation; so others who I deem safe enough; They know Im safe… “Hi; Im mentally ill; will you take care of me”. Thats the best way I can say it…
Because; Thats all there is… I guess; if someone is attracted to me they might say yes. If they are not attracted to me; they will say no!
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“ OK; Thats all there is! So; where do I go from here. Well; In the recovery process… Ive actually done quite well considering… Ive recovered many things from my past that I thought were lost. They have come back to me with much work; in some case; the level of starting a war to conquer things; with enough time and dedication; I won… I got back what was stolen from me when young; Spiritual things.
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Heres the deal; Im looking to get back what I consider valuable to me or create what I consider valuable to me… Something like that; Im great; Im fine; Im OK… Everything is Rock’n the best it can for me..
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THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION AND THE SECRET:
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I believe the idea is; if I give attention to my intention with the universe behind me; Ive aligned myself with my inner being and God and inner child; mainly through talking to the universe and meditation; I may attract what I want.
However; in my case; I have to put the universe first; put God first down a God Pathway… run things through God and filter them through God first; and let God bring them; attract them to me. Run it through God first. God is the filter; Gods will not mine…
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Stepping off my pathway into trouble;
I have past accounts of running into random people who did not know me. They knew nothing about me. I showed some intention and interest; and they seemed to reciprocate; but suddenly when they realized I was not functioning properly as a normal person; They dumped me. It was that quick… Was I successful. Well; If it be an experiment; I guess I could say I learned some things. The problem is; That is not the safest place to learn from experiments. Ive got to work with the universe to be at the right places that are safe… with safe people and places and things. And Ive to talk to the universe about this… Maturity I was lacking. Now; I would just tell someone the simple truth. “ Hi; Im mentally ill; will you take care of me? ( Smile)!
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In the past I went to un known people and places and things and that was not a smart move… IT wasnt a smart move because I needed to be under supervision of a place for people who were broken and mentally ill who were trying to change and develop within their condition ( I needed safe hallways). Going to random places to develop out in the world is not smart. I needed to be around safe quality people.
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Another problem;
When I don’t tell the average person who I really am; They may think Im someone else. And that is a kind of treachery on my part. Ive been in situations where others responded favorably to me because I represented myself as someone they would respect ( I lied to them). I basically lied about my social position and experiences. It didn’t work. Once they found out I was a fraud; I was kicked out immediately.
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NOTE: It would have been better for me to have stayed home; gotten on a prayer rug; meditated and continued to seek God and never leave that house until God brought a God answer for me. And from their; I go down only a God pathway and deal with only what is down the God pathway brought me from God… Gods will always works. My will gets me thrown off a cliff every time…
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I wanted so badly to be accepted as a normal person. It never worked. I didn’t have anything; of the privileges of the people I was trying to hang out with; I had nothing. I had nothing; and no maturity… And these were the wrong people to associate with; I made a mistake.
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Today; I hang out with God and my own assigned pathway or league… base level league. Im learning how to work things with God. Im learning how to trust again and work with God…
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NOTE: Im learning how to mature under Gods realm and pathway… Cant say it any better. Im not skipping across my lane into someone elses to be someone. Im not into human opportunity where I con someone and we become friends based on my aggressive sales pitch… Not this time. I stay with God and that is all.
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Im learning how to trust again and work with God… God comes first; That is my big big lesson. And I have a whole life time of learning concerning it… And that is my direction; and Im doing the work to accept that…
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I really need to be in safe places with safe decent people at some point to experiment more on working with God and the laws of attraction and other success based thinking tools…
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Right now; Im working my way back to those kinds of people and frequencies to develop myself. Im just getting started; but I am at that place… that starting bell. That is my pathway; its up; up toward personal responsibility and maturity.
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So; how am I doing; Well; Ive got work to do to get up to speed of becoming independent for this responsibility of working with God.
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NOTE: I was trauma bonded; co dependency; I was taken care of. Even if those taking care of me were evil and abusive…
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Right now; Im going from 12 step groups to better groups; generalized 12 step groups for general recovery to something better; something of a higher frequency of higher level positions of group talk; counseling groups. Or places I can develop my interest in success based thinking processes; Im going to better groups; more mature groups of people maybe. I don’t know yet… I have to mature to meet the level of those groups.
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The 12 step groups have kept me alive and sustained… They are not always the best places for the kinds of success based thinking practice Im interested in; in fact; they were never made for such things in the first place. Instead; Ive kind of used them for a while now for that person of having support for my interests. However; most of it has been for mental issues while in society; this started out as addictions ; addictions I used for relief of mental problems and the dysfunction mental problems have created. I could not connect with anything in society; I ended up on drugs and in bars and still more isolated. I used drugs in response to being socially genocid’d from family systems and society when very young. After realizing in my young life; I could not handle reality or interacting in society; I turned to alcohol; For several years I drank; seemed like suddenly this turned into alcoholism. However; not long after; I ended up in mental hospitals for other reasons and from their was introduced to 12 step groups; Thus; I was in recovery for mental issues and therapy and 12 step groups in general and being educated about drugs and alcohol and why I should not go that direction in my mental situation. I was more of someone who abused substances because of trauma; not because I liked them or didn’t like drugs… It was in response to fierce life style forced changes… When I became educated to stay away from them I did! It worked for me… I got the message…
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NOTE: 12 step groups; because Im in a group of people and sharing; it seems everyday I grow; something new comes up heading me down the pathways God set before me. I learn something new and I continue to open up down the energy river.
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However; I was still permanently mentally ill and could not handle society or interacting in it or reality. Being on social security disability was a permanent fixture for me.
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What are my goals now…
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Goal 1; To understand Im on disability; In society that I can be a red flag to people; no status in society; O Well! Ill have to work with God to attract the right people; Because Im on disability does not mean I cant attract people; It means I allot of people will be turned off by it; prejudice… they will look at me as being Yukky and have no interest getting near me. No Problem! Ive got a God; Ill turn to God and work with God on my future…
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NOTE: Its not fun when others think Im yukky… or wont accept or respect me; However; thats the way things are; and Ive got to set intentions onto other things.
The point is; Stop thinking Im someone in society Im not. Sure; Im a nice person; However; Societies Status market doesn’t care; they care more about what kind of car I drive. ( I have a bicycle) I have no car; enough said!
So; An understanding that generally speaking; the average person does not have much of a hi value for me in society; simply based on my lower economic situation; So I have to stop allowing society to have a voice in my worth or my head. Instead; avoid society; turn to God.
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NOTE: Maturity cures allot of stuff; but that takes experiences…
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Goal 2; Moving away from 12 step groups. 12 step groups have helped me greatly in general; they have also caused me great harm because of the unsafe people within them. Ive been stalked several times by criminal minded people. 12 step groups have no state authorized people running anything. These are groups started by people for people… No therapists running anything. In several of the groups; many of them are from the state prisons and several should be taken back…
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I; like many; go to all the 12 step groups regardless of fellowship. This can be a problem because in some of the more chemical based addiction groups; lots of sociopaths and narcissists and psychopaths can show up; criminal minded people. And thus; if I open up like Im in a therapy group; I can have unsafe people want to associate with me or take interest in me. And this can lead to being stalked… Ive had it happen several times. This causes a dilemma because I don’t want to be that guy that is calling the police on people in 12 step groups; I didn’t want that kind of reputation so I let it go… And that was probably not the best way to handle those things…
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NOTE; Again; Maturity is what I seek; it can help answer the questions I ask… Maturity comes from experience…
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For some on disability; 12 step groups can become their home; And that means a whole lot of possible unsafe people coming and going around me.
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NOTE; Asking God to help me grow up; literally; so I don’t feel I have to go to those places anymore or as much. How to get a real life… Thats kind of where Im going. Ive never had one; ive been mentally ill.
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However; on the positive side; by being at 12 step groups all the time; Thats a whole lot of recovery for any direction. Im interested in life. I have to learn how to create one like everyone else. I never had to do this when young. I thought something else would happen for me. But it didn’t… I was alone. I thought others would help me; they didn’t. I was alone. The fake friends I had when young betrayed me because they were never my friend in the first place. They were just using me.
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So; I would say; Ive got the message that I cant function in society; my mind is to weak and broken. Ive learned society does not value people 2 much in my position economically. And they don’t deem me a safe person because Im on a mental disability. Ive realized I have to turn to God and the universe for my help.
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goal 3. New people and places and Things for higher development and a more defined recovery development for my success based thinking practice.
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Ive mentioned the importance of 12 step groups for my social development recovery and survival; However; they work marginally well for my success based thinking processes; for support. They work; but I have to adapt allot of what I say to fit it into the groups so it sounds recovery-ish.
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At times I just want to focus on success based recovery process for my goals; I don’t want to spend my time in general recovery rooms. I don’t mind it for what its built for; but I want to spend my time focusing on success based thinking processes and the support for such things and the development of self using these processes. For this to happen; ill work with God on these things. I would like to move toward those type of support situations for my success based thinking process instead of so much time at general recovery support rooms…
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Goal 4. Working with God until I trust the process.
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Goal 5. I have an assortment of general goals Im interested in realizing; making real. Im not different then anyone else. Money women house car vacations occupations schooling hobbies calling… The whole menu in general. I just want to get up to speed and see how far I can work with God to manifest things in general… For example; Im not sure what kind of house God would bring me; Im on social security; Im not sure being old that I want an occupation; but I want back the ability to have one. I just want to know what my occupations would have been. Maybe I would like to go back and study at schools; study things I always wanted to study but it wasnt in the cards at the time.
Money; sure; what does this mean? Im not sure how God would bring this into my life; doesn’t mean I wont try to work with the laws of attraction on it. Car; Dont know how I would afford it on a monthly basis; but I can still work with God and the laws of attraction on it. So; I have allot of dreams and goals… And allot of work to do working with God; meditation and writing new stories about my life and such… visualizing what I want. Learning how to follow a God pathway; follow down a pathway allowing God to help me; as I learn to receive what God is sending me. And so on……...
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So; where am I in all of this.
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First; for the last 7 years; Ive been intense working on mental health issues; thus Im at the 12 step meetings everyday. Im getting close; Ive worked through a number of issues; Thus; want to focus more on success based developments for my thinking; and this does not happen for me at 12 step groups; instead I would be at higher frequency situations during the day. The 12 step groups are good for support; but that is all; they don’t supply me a life… I have to work with God and success based thinking process and learn how to imagine what I want; and then learn to take footsteps down a pathway to my interests; interests created by God…
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Ive not done much else for the last 7 years. Ive focused on certain mental health blocks that Ive tried to break through; maturity issues Ive tried to break through. Now that Ive worked on them; Im interested in putting in more time for success based thinking processes; and the focus on them.
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Im interested in moving away from the 12 step groups; this because; Ive had success working through most of the blocks I set out to break through… And thus I want a break and to move on.
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I think Im like allot of people; I have a private life I had to open up to others to get help; I never said I liked it… As fast as I can; I want to go back to having that private life again. The more work at the 12 step groups and the more visualizing working with God and allowing these new process of development to take over with God in control; the faster this is possible.
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So; how much more do I have to work on this round in the 12 step groups. Im working on coming back up to speed back to society from this 7 year round of deep diving to find answers to some of my problems. I found the answers I was looking for. I can continue to work on the solutions; I don’t need the recovery rooms for that because Ive discovered the solutions. I needed the recovery rooms for support for discovering those solutions; as discovering the solutions put me out on a creative branch; a place of solitude and isolation and at times simply isolated me very much from society I needed to be around people to get my human batteries recharged. However; that work has passed. Ive got the solutional answers. Now I need to work on them and work with God to find the best pathways to my goals. I don’t need to go to so many meetings for that. As Ive mentioned before; I never said I liked going to meetings but it beat being alone with no answers… In a way; its a cheap mans therapy. Ive literally put in 10s of thousand of hours in those places.. Its all good; its all under God!
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Im getting close but Im not up to speed yet. Ill still be going to meetings; Ill know when Ive worked through things and back in society again. It will happen.
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Ive been through this before; Ive been involved in the recovery process for a long time off n on. I usually go back for maintenance/ working on something and use the 12 step groups for the support of that.
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Im at about 80% done with this last venture. Im looking forward to ghosting the meetings and heading out into something new. For this to happen tho; I have to have created within my mind; new pathways that lead out into other areas; this is done through a strengthening with God. What does this mean?; Im working hard on an independent life. Im just not their yet. I have to grow more and mature more.
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Im learning how to live my life myself. How to become independent. How to grow upward toward God… When I start becoming more mature in society; I began to see things emerge in my imagination. And when it shows up in my imagination; its because Ive earned that level of frequency. And that is my goal; is to earn that level of maturity. When it happens; things start showing up in my imagination…
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When things are in my imagination; I can put feeling to them; and that means; interest and when Im interested in something; I put an intent upon it. It means I put attention upon it. If its aligned correctly and I put attention upon it; hopefully something will grow… And the universe will be behind it.
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I did not have a house when I was young; only when I was very young did I have a family; and then it was taken from me; so I did not grow or develop. Now; I would like to have God supply those spaces for me to develop. So I can go further… Its not easy; The structure of a thing must be created so I can feel safe and housed has I work on self development.
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So; Im waiting it out… Im working on coming back from the abyss; the tunnels of spiritual development; the dark. In the dark I worked at the bottom of caves and tunnels. Now that the work has been understood and completed for this around. Im heading upward. When I get back to civilization; I will silently take a break and leave and go to other situations… And work with God…
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So; Im vulnerable right now as Im still in the caves.. Slowly connecting to God that God can create pathways with me or for me that help me become independent and standing on my own feet where I walk to where I want to go out into society… And thats where the stress comes; So; thats where the work is…
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LAWS OF ATTRACTION:
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So; how do I use the secret of the universe. I align myself with the universe and I use meditation so see what my inner being is aligning with the universe. And when I get in touch with that and I put emotion of desire to it and attention to what the desire is; Things start to grow; thats the idea. I Think Ive done this before; but it wasnt perfect… it didn’t make sense. I felt I was with the wrong people and places and things.
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So;
The goal is to work with the universe to find or be at places with the right frequency of people and places and things… Work with God to walk down the pathways to the right people places and things.
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FIRST MEETING AFTER THE CHANGE…
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So; it begins; I could say in the last few days; but I would say today; Is the first day moving into the next level…
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What is the next level; It means Im moving upward through the abyss I climbed down into… Im like a climber; a mountain climber in the middle of the winter snow… Im slowly climbing up from the deep crevasse of the abyss. I have a trail; The same trail I entered the abyss; the abyss that leads below; it goes way deep deep into the depths of the mountain it is next to… And a trail exists; a trail I walked down and entered through the abyss into the bottom of the mountain; to the caves to the caverns to the tunnels of the caves far below; into the ancient mountain roots; roots that existed before the mountain. And it is their I sat with fire and I dug up old grave sites of my ancestors to look at them and study them. I painted on the walls… I created fire dances that shadowed through the caverns..
I explored the caves; I explored myself. I stared into fire until I was in a trance and then I talked to God…
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Now; I have been climbing out of the abyss that I enter; Ive been climbing out for a few days. Now; I have hit one of the markers I left when entering; This marker shows Im heading toward ground level. I still have many many miles to go… However; Im over half way point.
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The maturity I gain and knowledge from God as I walk; I am able to continue upward the trail to civilization…
By the time I get back to civilization; I will have become well; a junior caveman or the beginnings of basic man. I think I will be much stronger and myself… Ill have many caverns within me filled. ! Ill will have had the basics presented to me that I may start out in society at a base level manhood… a foundational level. Or at-least a knowledge and basic indoctrination through experience of trial and suffering. I will have gone through several tests; passed them and be on my way to the choice of more; and more means; Manhood; manhood development… Earned…
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SO; I can see myself coming back to a place I felt when I was a small boy; That is good… Ill have to earn it tho. I have no co dependency. Nothing from the past is helping me accept well; NOTHING! Im becoming a new person on my own; on my own volition. Ill have help from God; because I ask for help. But Im OK. I have no one from the past. I have God in charge… I work with God on what I need now; and who I need now.
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I know where Im headed.. its like; after much time and work I will come out of the cave.
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Im walking up the stairs; the old stone stair case made thousands of years ago from within the cave… numerous miles beneath. As the stair go upward through the catacombs; I will reach a main cave; this cave is at sea level; surface level; when I get to the main cave; it will be parallel to the outside.
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From the stairs to the inner cave;
When I get to that point and I open the wooden decked door with the small barred window from inside the stairs chamber; and creaking sounds expound the door opening; I push it through; it clacks against the steal plated wall struts holding the right side wall up in the cave that will finally lead outdoors; I began the long walk through the cave; its entrance.
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If looking at the cave entrance from outside;
Outside in park forested area… Its a giant national park; the location of the cave entrance; up in hills. From the cave; a fair distance looking downward; can see children in the distance playing as they walk by on the national trial; and family walking the other directions at times on the trail; and sometimes mountain bikers on the trails on the weekends; They come up from the cities to be challenged to the outdoors..
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The cave entrance beguiled by plants and adorned with secretive promises only small animals and escaped criminals might find of a curiously friendly and unassuming trestle adventure escape; off the beaten pathway up the mountain cliff side; rivers beneath; loud mobile white foam crashing on river rocks below; The river of interest; sits between the hill with the cave and on the other side of the river; the main forested trail for the city people to visit and roam. To those on the far side on the safety trail as walking by; no one ever looks upward to spy a faint opening in the side of the mountain; the cave entrance on the upper hill is never noticed.
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Altho one can see the cave entrance; if they try. Its of no importance to anyone; Its covered in leaves and thistles and debris; over grown shrubbery; some large boulders and dirt and ivy and things. And it appears inset into the mountain. Inset to a point of far blurry meshed colors; just another over grown forest patch of no ones interest. Far away hidden; no one will ever explore it… Its just a place. Much life a dead log across a forest creek is just a place…

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In the depths of the mountains;
Im walking up those ancient stone 5000 year old stairs and I have much to learn. By the time I get to the top of the stairs; I will have gone through many tribulations… However; this triggering is from old battles; I will relive them; re see them; as I walk by them. They will bother me. And I will process and process and process them; and continue to walk by. Jesus is with me and God and the Angels. I am not alone on my journey…
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As I climb the stairs of pain; I begin to see the past and the torment; Thus; the battles begin… The goal as I walk up the stairs is to turn to God and learn how to process and negotiate each battle and grow. Its began. Ill have to work with God to mature. The battles are old and at the time of the battles; I was defeated. Today; I learn through God how to defeat each one of those battles; to stay awake and receive from the universe the answers to my questions; to my quest.
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AVPD; allowed many people to abuse me and I did nothing… And that pain of not knowing what to; that pain is being challenged now. The key is maturity and meditation and learning knew ways I could have coped with the situations.. I had no support and no maturity. So; What will the universe show me as the answers and will have new maturity to act upon those answers…
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In the present; Im not going back in time for revenge; Thats not the point; the point is a kind of maturity that if it ever happens again; Ill know how to handle things… Ill work with God on things.
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GOAL: MUSIC N ART. Im looking forward to working through past things; that I get to a point of being in the present working on music and Art…
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Right now; its a strange time. I have allot of pain to process as it gets triggered. I go to meetings and I come home to an empty apartment… that's all I do. Its weird; Im starting to feel kind of isolated like Im in a prison cell… I want or need my world to expand. Ill work with God on it.
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NOTE: I complain about being a present victim of problems from several years Back. Im not talking about childhood victimization; that is different. Ill have to learn how to take responsibility for this; for myself. I don’t know how; Ill ask God and work with God…
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Maturity; Maturity means I work with God on answers… And I learn to go down new pathways and create new pathways in my imagination for the things I want… IT means I have some escape routs. However; When young and all alone; I had nothing… And thus; my mind panics.
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OK; NEXT LEVEL AT A MEETING: JUST HAPPENED:!
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Ive been waiting for this for almost 2/3ds my life.
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What has opened up?
First let me tell you; Im exceptionally immature… And telling you ( the reader) that and admitting to others this; is a great thing; Because thats the level I got dissociated from. Its my real level; That means; when I start over at that really really basic immature level; I start out honestly. Thats kind of the goal hear; but Im not their yet; but I kind of am.
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Im starting to see relationships from the past; I didn’t take my own steps to those people; face them and explain myself to them; and thats all I had to do. But I didn’t. And I lost them but first I lost myself.
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So now; Im getting back that ability to stay the course as this immature person; Just take one step at a time. I was not able before. Now; Ive mentioned taking stone stairs up to a cave intrance to face and open the door to the world again. And I can really feel it; one stair at a time.
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At a meeting I shared and suddenly I told everyone Im really really immature.. And for some reason this was a really honest thing to say. I could feel the 12 year old in me coming out; the broken 12 year old.
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I mean; that is my maturity age; No problem AT ALL! It feels so good to actually be me; at my real level; I mean; the maturity is telling someone honestly that Im immature; its like the most feeling thing for me right now; really broke through; God gets all the credit…
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I can see myself going up the stairs as this 12 year old; one step at a time; slowly; and its hard to stay present but Im doing it; I think. I can practice it and get stronger at it. Up the stairs represents a few things. Ive been talking about it representing going through a door to a cave that leads outside;. However; I also saw those stairs in another light of intuition.
I saw myself as a 12 year old; Im heading up the stairs to face a relationship. This time; Im not running or avoiding. This time Im working with Jesus one step at a time. Sure; I can feel the heat; I can feel the pressure to run. I can feel the pressure when I want to put down one foot at a time… Anyway; it seems Im doing it; its ruff right now; but its an example of the universe helping me to become responsible for myself with my own issues; and this certainly is a great example of it… I can see my beat up self slowly walking up those stairs; and at the top of the stairs is a walkway.. and about 20 feet in is a chair; and on that chair is someone I wanted a relationship with but ran away. And Ive had a fools life of that… And so; I see myself walking up to the person not dissociating; sitting down with them; maybe putting my hand on their leg and getting up in front of them closely looking them in the eyes and talking to them and telling them about myself and about what is going on. And this simply was unheard of before. Ive been dissociated from this kind of thing; I mean; impossible; but with God; all things are unbelievable. God runs the universe is the universe and can do everything… So; I take God with me.
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Gods will is a great bet to live by. My will sucks the big one!
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So this is yet another start for me; incredible.
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I was writing a few pages back about starting at another level.
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And now Ive just started at another level in addition to the level I described in the few pages back.
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Incredible changes.
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DANGER:
Ive got to stay with God and not get off the path. I did this when young; I got feeling better and then got off the path and I got manipulated and slaughtered. So; I stay with God work with God.
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In general; I cant say how important this is; this ability to be able to take my own steps as I really am and imagine Im walking up to someone of my past and talking to them in my imagination. Sitting down with them and talking to them directly. And talking about how I feel about them and what happened and …. and so on… This is the beginning of earning pure freedom. However; its the pursuit of happiness; no one owes me anything accept God; and God will pay up if I talk to him loudly enough. God owes me my life. But I cant collect unless I talk to him and tell him to give me my life and work with him as a partner in my life… Thats where it starts…
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So; now; I see my inner self from the depths opening up again… This is the me that creates relationships.
We will see where God goes with me from here…
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Im starting to see where some of this is going; its God trying to get my sanity back to me… For that is what Ive asked for; I want to be safe.
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Im not their yet; but Im getting it; Im slowly getting the idea God is presenting before me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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