July 2025
June 2025
New Blog;
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So; At this moment in time; with all the work that Ive done under God and Heaven. Its as if Im back at 14; That means somewhat of a healthy 14. Im much healthier right now then I used to be mentally or I would say concerning my emotional state… Not perfect; However; its getting more stabilized… It reminds me of my 14th birthday; I was lost; no one cared about me but Im not slaughtered from fake girls leading me on as if they like me and want me in their lives when they don’t.
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So; I start out again at a kind of maturity of a 14 year old. The problem is; what would I have been doing at 14. Lets say Im on a vacation; Im swimming in a pool at the age of 14 at a hotel. I have no real identity; no real adult identity; I just don’t; I don’t have anything to work with… Nothing has been developed nor a direction; Nothing! Not Yet.........
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So; Here I am now; Im that 14 year old… Im getting better; However; No adult identity; That is whats missing. It used to be cut off like I was beheaded; Now Ive got some identity back but it is generic...
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Relationships; So I want something other then the dismal direction I had in my original 14 year old experience. I want to go in a direction that is healthy for me. So; what would that look like. I mean; I get to do this again. God has built a pathway for me to get me to this point. Now what? I don’t have any further identity at this moment then a kind of lost 14 year old. However; Im fairly stable; if I can call it that; its still volatile; im holding my own.
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I have no identity beyond this 14 year old of my past. Im doing great as far as options. Im in a good place to receive recovery and be taken care of… meaning; I have God and recovery groups… and some goals and success based thinking ability. Great!
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When I think about an identity; an adult identity; Im not sure anything comes to mind; However; I can see a long stretch to a point of being an adult who does adult independent things for my future. I have no idea what any of that looks like or how to get there or how to feel the maturity level that goes with it.
So; its a start….
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Music creation…
My ability to respond and interact with my equipment seems to be coming forth. Its all therapeutic. Im learning for the first time how to take things a bit more into reality at a sub bass level; very simple stuff for a mentally disabled person… very very basic simple stuff…
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Art; Yes; Im creating using art programs a bit. I want to write stories and put them into videos on a you-tube channel. So; that means fooling around with 2D animation software… music created; Art programs; paint programs… And so on……
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Also writing stories..
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