July 2025
June 2025
Many sad things to work through; but many good things are drowning them out; because God is answering them and bringing me the things I ask for. The small inner child in me is clapping his hands because God keeps following through.
.
At some point Ill began to feel as if I'm back. And its not that far away; but I get what I earn; earn means keeping up with the recovery meetings and reading; and prayer on my knees every 5 minutes if I have to to beat these negative triggered thoughts.
.
Thanks you God
help me God
forgive me God
I love you God
Gods will; not my will.
Pray these things on my knees face planted in the ground oblivion times; As many times as possible; at least 20 times for each thing each time and I usually say out loud what I'm on my knees for. I want more money to show up around me or relationships or better guitar player; I'm a beginner guitar player.
Make me a song writer God... over n over
.;
Lots of things.
.
I'm building a foundation through God.
.
Ill just ramble on.
.
So; I'm believing God can bring back everything and much more; its all in meditation and prayer and writing new narratives and scripts about the new things I have and want as if they are all ready here.
.
The key is to get on my knees; and I just did because I was getting frustrating scary thoughts; thoughts of; I'm not good to anyone; what's the use. Lots of those kinds of negative thoughts I'm battling through on my knees learning that God is my friend not my enemy; and that's all this has ever been about.
.
I have to work with God and allow God to prove himself to me. Its hard; very hard to give a God another chance... it sucks but I have to.
.
I was thinking about my brother and I laughed and was glad he is dead; he was mean to me; ignoring me and I'm glad he died; Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... pain to him........
.
And so; as I had that sinister grin on my face while I hated him.. I talked to God and got on my knees and prayed for him and for myself and for God to forgive me.
.
I have allot of pain that is repressed and Ill ask God to help me let it out and I asked God to forgive me over n over on how I acted toward my brother after he died.
.
I love my brother but I was mad... I still am so God has to show me a way to stop being sinister evil.
.
.
.
.
So; I'm lashing out with deep hidden passive aggression... Ill ask God to help me get the hardness out.
.
.
I pray for the things I want and wait until I've prayed enough that new thoughts come into me and ideas; God will help me become present and I read books like " Think And Grow Rich; Napolean Hill. Read them over n over; that is the idea...
.
And I'm going to get that book out again and start reading it right now. I wanted to read it numerous times; I've read it a certain amount of times and want to read it more.
.
.
.
.
The idea is a foundation with a trust in God and when I was little I had that trust; but then I was turned on by life and lost all of it.
.
Now; I'm turning toward God again.
.
I'm working with God and will continue to until I believe and then I will continue as well.
.
Its all about believing the universe and keep at things. Don't quit.
.
.
On my knees again about things so God can take over what ever is suppose to happen. Keep opening it up with God and the magic of God. Gods magic...
.
.
Many things were taken from me when young; and I have memories and I would like my memories to be returned to me and ME as-well; The ability to move forward in the right areas of life that represents my life my expression.
.
.
My expression;
music
art
writing creatively...
.
We will see.
.
.
SO; I have allot of plans and one of those is to live a decent life... meaning one with high value... And I'm getting there; and I'm doing it without anyone from the past.
.
.
Certain areas give me hatred and grief; Music composition is one of them; art and writing stories... On my knees again please.
.
I believe I feel this way because I'm not doing these things because I like to do them; like I should; I feel like I HAVE to do these things to please some form of some audience that thinks I should be doing these things... Its about being maneuvered or pressured or manipulated or bullied or dominated.
.
I would like money; and I would like to feel safe and intellectual and hang out with people who are.
.
Its back to middle class basics as before when I was very very young; I'm getting them back as the pain and hatred poison leaves I get back my original self...
.
So I have to give it to God and see the positive of it; of the outcome and pray about it; not the negative; and that's what I'm working on; that confident feeling of hope for everything because its in me...
.
So; I'm starting to get the answers.
.
I'm in pain; but I'm starting to remember; remember from before. And I'm fighting with Gods help to get the decent real me sane me back; the middle class nice conservative kid with a future... And Its working.
.
.
So much pain remembering the people that did things to me; Ill pray for who ever God says to pray for...
.
So; the deeper soul is starting to come out and remember... and its free. I mean; I can be that person again...
.
I can; I just have to keep at this and allow the universe to slowly open the real me back up again past the horrible memories... Such horror that I separated from myself.
.
So; a new hope is on its away and a new horizon. I don't know what it means yet. Gods got to allow those thoughts to run through me.
.
.
My apartment is clean; and getting cleaner and more conservative and austere sorta. I asked God for a maid to clean my place up and it looks like I'm turning into one... Hope I don't have to wear a dress; its not my style. Still; Things are getting clean...
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], mc1, Western, Yahoo [Bot]
- Home ‹ Board index ‹ Blogs ‹ OMNICELL's Blog ‹ Just keep going
- Contact • Advertise on Psychforums • The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 3.074s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.55
Time : 3.074s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.55