July 2025
June 2025
Checking In.
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Music;
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Working with God on what music keyboards; stage piano’s computer music synthesizers and such; would suit me for practice, for using with computer music and live performance pieces. Im working with God looking at all the angles. God will let me know… As I work through the choices on the market; the Universe will point me in the right direction.
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Working through the past.
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So; went to a meeting; And talked a couple of them or more; and suddenly tonight; My emotions are back.
These are the ruptured emotions I lost; They are back; theyve come back. I am free of the past; Kind of.
Ive got my emotions back. They are surrounded by scar tissue but their back. Still ruptured areas…
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The women that did this to me; destroyed me are now kind of dormant PTSD; They are now trapped in a tV screen in my head with no sound; I can see them… But what power do they have; what are they controlling of me today. At this point; not much.
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Can I get into a new relationship at this point; YES; My emotions are floating over… They are calling out to meet a women who fits their purpose sent and directed by God… Im now looking at women as a match to those emotions… what connects with those emotions.
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However; Ill be working down a God Pathway where God will attract many many people and God will filter those contestants who qualify.
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Heres the problem; Im in not emotional strength shape to be in a relationship. I do have my emotions back; God has brought them back..
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They can be ripped out of me; ripped to pieces; so I don’t know who God will bring. Ive been opening up at meetings allot about this stuff and have a sponsor for this part of the journey…
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Concerning my emotions;
I feel like a guy who had a heart attack and is now just out of the hospital. His heart is working again but he cant lift 10 pounds…
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So; we will see; but what this means is; Im free of the past; That basic part of me stuck or caught in the past now belongs to me again.
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And this time Ill work with God to connect with the right people under God.
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WOMEN OF THE PAST WHO DID THIS:
Its still really sickening to think someone wanted to ruin me at this level; its almost murder; pure murder is all this was… Nothing more…
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Music; Getting ideas more n more on how to set up a key-rig for live playing; have lots of ideas… all good. Amen.
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God gave me a present and brought my emotions back to me in the present; they now belong to me right here and right now; No longer in the past trapped nor belonged to anyone from the past; they are mine to use NOW!
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Im still in great pain; I will be for a long while and I still continue to work on getting those past people out of my head and nervous system.
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Feelings are returning to me.
My feelings were destroyed because of the interactions with someone I mistakenly thought was sent by God to help me; this girl when I was very young.
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After several resent years of continued work on this subject; it looks like Im Free Now. My feelings have returned to me… My mind as a basic cleared feeling of this incident from the past; I do not naturally think about her. ( However Im still dealing with this; Im not done yet) Its been disconnected and cleared out. And I have a better understanding of what happened while associating with her. It was my fault.
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Ive been feeling those feelings and how they want to connect with new people. However; Im now taking those feelings to God and working with God on them.
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Concerning First Love;
I made a mistake because of my mental illness problems. I was not aware of the outside world even though I was walking around in it; and this will cause grave consequences; I will end up around the wrong people when I should have never left my room at the house I was staying in.
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However; for the most part; practically speaking; I am free enough now to move on.. Ive already moved forward and Im more free then I let on. Im doing better.
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GoD Pathway;
This is my new direction; keep working down God Pathway for what I want!
Our partner
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