July 2025
June 2025
Im struggling with God; I'm starting to understand;
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So; I have lots of examples...
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So; real and metaphorically speaking; When I began to learn to manifest things and want success; I started in 2014 to study and first manifestation of a clay red cup the first day of 2015; I realized something. I thought; My God getting the money is the easy part; How do you know what you want; I was completely in Ah and blank.
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Now; I know what I want; my inner being shows me all the time directions and ideas. The problem now is; How to manifest the money?
If we split this manifestation into 2 parts its actually; first knowing what I want; and then bringing it into reality. Notice nothing is mentioned about actually having anything real as the hard part; its the manifestation process that's hurting me. It hurts literally; the feelings and vulnerability.
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Here is several examples; For example; lets say I wanted a car; so I'm going to manifest it. I do. Now that I know what I want; I will manifest the money for it or the receiving of it. OK; lets say I do. Others would be see me as a God; My God; how did he do that; sounds like I'm at the top of the world. But we are not done; I still have to manifest a license to drive it. And I knew that; so there is a three part manifestation. And guess what; In my example; I never manifested a license. OKe; One would say; " no problem; just get your license". But wait. I don't know how to manifest a license; I never thought about before. And I don't have any practice at manifesting a license; for me; its like facing a 50 thousand foot mountain. I have no idea. I don't feel it; I've never done it. So; it seems I'm telling you I can manifest a car; manifest the money for a car; but it does me no good because I have never manifested a drivers license. If I don't learn how to manifest a license; the car and the money for it are of no value; that's my point; if someone can here the deeper picture in all of this.
So in this example I become a Victim blaming society because I don't have a license; why is the state making me get a license; its not fair. However, the real problem is; I forgot that the full manifestation has a third part; get a license to drive. For some this is a huge major manifestation that is over there head; they want to feel sorry and hate and blame and turn into the victim; and I understand; I'm exactly the same way until I accepted it was just another manifestation part that I have to learn how to do and learn to believe it will happen and work with the universe. Am I good at it; no. I've never believed that I could get a license one way or the other; I never really thought about it so I'm a newbie dealing with this kind of manifestation. Its all new to me; this part of the manifestation and it will take just as long to manifest this until I get the experience as the other parts were. If i dont get the license; even thought I manifested not only the car I wanted and believed it and the money; it will all mean nothing without the third part to the manifestation and the third part of the manifestation is all new to me and will have to be handled as if Im new to this kind of manifestation because Ill have to believe just and learn the process just as I did with manifesting the car; the process and manifesting the money for the car; the process.
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I guess Im trying to make a point here.
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Here is another example:
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When I was young; I liked this girl; I wanted her and I wanted to be around her. So; I was around her and she appeared to like me. And soon she was making passes at me to make passes at her...
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Finally she literally asked me out; I was out on her balcony of her room at her house; it was night. She kept hinting as close as she could to get me to finally ask her out. I couldn't ask her out; was I chicken; was it immaturity; No! I don't think so; It was something totally different; a different dysfunction.
I did like her; I actually fell in love with her; And I did manifest wanting to meet someone like her and to have a friend and be close. Of course I deep down wanted more; However, in my original manifestation when young; I saw myself getting physically close; meaning talking to her and flirting with her and having her as a close friend; But when it came time to ask her out or get intimately close; I had a blank brain. What does this mean? A person first thinks about what they are going to do and then does it; if the brain is blank; there is no movement. I had a kind of manifestation dysfunction. It came from being raped and sexual abuse and other abuses where people controlled my life against my will; I learned to dissociate and not be present to survive.
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With this girl; I had manifested in my mind many things up to the point of her being close and being a friend and flirting. Although I wanted her as a girlfriend; I never created that physical reality in my mind. I know deep down those feelings existed but they could not come to the surface and I was blank in my mind.
Its as if I only created half of the solution of the manifestation. What do I mean by this. I only created in my mind a physical experience up to the point; right up to the point of someone asking each other out and taking this to the next level into romance. I could not do so; simply because my mind was blank; I did not manifest it in my mind; I did at a deep level want it like any normal person would normally go forth into such things; but I was not normal; I was cut off from this function; Just like someone who wants to manifest a car; but cant manifest a license.
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And thus; I lost the girl. I did not know why this was happening at the time; I did but I didn't. it was way over my head because I was dealing with so much other stuff; the girl wrote me off as being a weakling and fool and immature and moved on. I was withdrawn and devastated. But I'm the one who broke the friendship; I could not go any further because I could not see thoughts of doing anything any further; I would have had to have gone home and practiced seeing things go further and learned how to manifest the rest of it. I don't know allot of people like this; maybe there are people with this actual authentic identical dysfunction.
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So; I've learned that I can now work with a higher power and inner being and manifest an idea; but that's not enough; I also have to manifest the money. I have to learn how to mature in manifestations concerning money; something I never learned. I was 2 scared and in shock to be able to express myself this way when young; I was in survival mode. I'm now learning it now. So; I'm getting God off the hook and the universe off the hook and my inner being off the hook; I don't think God and My inner being and the universe hate me. I think I don't know how to manifest money because I simply have not done it before at this level; ill have to learn how. Its just another part of or another type of manifestation. Ill have to study it and practice it until I'm better at it and stronger and more confident at it. I don't have the confidence for it because its never been; and its never been earned. I've never done the actually completed work it takes to manifest money for my manifestations. Now its upon me because it is~!
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Ill be OKE; Ill get started; I've actually been working on it for a little while; ill continue. It took a long while to actually believe I could have a subject to manifest; I mean; I had no idea what I wanted and I had no idea to turn to the universe and my inner being for such things or to understand how my inner being communicates with me and to learn how to listen to my inner being; and how to do that and how to align with an inner being so that energy would fuse with the universe thus creating a smooth passage way to allow the universe and my inner being to fill my imagination with my future interests. However, those things have been going on for awhile now. So; Now; I have to learn how to manifest the money for such things; Or manifest the ability to allow the universe to give me these things; bring them into reality for me. I don't know how to do that; I don't need to freak out; its just another manifestation and it wont happen all at once; it will happen as I get better at this and more confident and I'm sure the universe will help me with this; find the right guides and teachers and I have some and the right tools for this development.
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So whether it be women or money or travel or what ever; or even going into a store to get something to eat; i must see it in my mind first or I wont date it or get it to spend or catch a train to a destination or buy an apple at a store and eat it; I must see it in my mind as a thought first.
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So; in many ways; I'm learning this for the first time. I mean; I've been dissociated from reality for much of my life; take that altered place away from me and I have a useless kind of brain until I can learn how to manifest things; maybe for the first time; certainly adult things.
Many times I look at things as a child looks at them; over my head. I think how; look at all the cool things adults have; I could never have those things. So; I have to relearn or learn for the first time how to do these things; how to manifest adult things...
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Because I'm learning how to manifest money and no one else is helping me get money; they could; I don't have a rich grandmother giving me any money; I'm starting to feel a kind of regular guy development that a normal child feels when his father is guiding him and helping him develop his goals and dreams. THats what it feels like; it feels responsible and it feels good. It feels like I'm a good boy in the eyes of the universe; the universe looks down on me and says; " I am well pleased with you". So; I'm right inline I just have to go through this process of re learning how to manifest from the beginning. However, today I'm not trying to manifest a concept or idea or physical goal. I'm trying to manifest money to make those goals come true. I'm at that place. I'm not looking for more goals; I've got plenty My inner being has given me; Now; they need to be brought into reality and that will either take the receiving of them from some place; um? like someone giving them to me or willing them or winning them or something like that. Or; I manifesting the money for them and other things I guess. Maybe someone has a mom that was going on vacation and has tickets for transportation and cant go and thus I'm offered them at a very reduced rate or something like that; Ya know. You never know where or how the universe is going to make things happen.
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Regardless; Right now I know I'm specifically being called by the universe to learn how to manifest money for the things I want because that's the next in line for me to learn. So; altho the universe could bring many things about; the universe is bringing me many lessons I need and will want in life by having me focus and concentrate on how to manifest specifically money for what I want.
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So; I begin this adventure in Limbo land. All of this is taking me to the destination of Purpose but its also insuring that its being done by me and the universe and not someone else. I'm learning through God how to get support from many but do the work myself guided by the universe and those safe people or guides or teachers brought about by only the universe for my safety.
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