July 2025
June 2025
Last blog of Limbo Land; Installment 40. Ill be moving on from LIMBO LAND from now on. Ill still be in the later stages of limbo land as I slow move from the desert to the greenery of upswelling lands as I move toward civilization and mountain ranges and such; Im now officially coming out of the desert back to land again...
This process of limbo land presented itself when a Paradigm shift occurred 2 months ago; sent me into the desert bi ways of Limbo Land; a place for processing what this paradigm shift meant to me. IVe now gained some direction on different fronts and Ill be re entering land at some point; meaning habitational land in my fictitious world.
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Im getting better; but not better yet; does that make sense; Im not better; but Ive gotten better; Im now best; but Im OK.
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So;
This is the last blog of the Installment series; Im moving on naturally.
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Im accomplishing goal setting inner concepts.
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Relationships;
Yes; Its starting to spill over in the next natural direction; relationships with others.
My higher power has seen to bring along side me; people of my interest and nature; friends of different sorts; not to many but the right ones that the universe can be said to have supplied exactly what I asked for.
So; its showing up.
Will the universe bring the right women to me; All ready happened; Theyve should up; The universe showing me the universe can bring them anytime I want them.
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However, because Im in the recovery process Im never getting someone to date; that is because the universe does not want me to find people for relationships at the meetings I attend; thats all it means;
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So; when Im ready; it will be in the community; what ever that means; we wills see; when Im feeling better about being in the community and less ruptured.
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Losing weight; its begun I think; I can feel it; the universe is starting to show up and answer questions for me concerning weight loss and how to go about it within this stage of my life. We will see; but answers are showing up; thus; I know the universe is trying to creep in and help me because Im showing up and its time.
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Ive been more social at meetings; less hiding. I can feel it; Im not present yet from the rupturing but Im better; its about a time period I will soon move into being more present and less destroyed; but that is up to the work God presents me with; the therapeutic work.
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Fear/Terror; real death life fear; Not everyone understand this; or the deep heaviness of death fear…
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I have a long way to go.
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I must develop as I was developing as a kid; but when developing now; with all new environment.
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MUSIC;
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SO; an ongoing survey of music production; Right now its about creating composition; one specifically; In fact; I want to create 2; but thats not how it happens. Ill have to create one; Then perform it; once done; Ill have to get my Jimmy’s up to create a second one and perform that; if that is what I want to do, Or; that is what I want.
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All things take work and the guidance of the universe and support. Lots n lots n lots of support; from all over the place.
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Where am I now!
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Im working on the steps or beginning stages of the creation process; I call them platforms; Im imagining walking from one platform to another to another to another.
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So; Im creating and strengthening steps in my head concerning my goal; getting to my goal; Im also taking action with the piano; sitting down playing the piano in different free playing ways; allowing the creation process to begin. And all of this fires the desires to take things further; and I do slowly;
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However, its all about getting to know the plans the goals the pre steps in the plans; Getting to know the steps or ( platforms) Im working to and chronologically working from. 1 step(platform) 2nd step(platform); and so on……
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At some point I break a general step into 10 steps and work on that. Sit at the piano and stick to the plans.
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With the universe’s help; Me and God are creating those plans. Thats where Im at now./
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I will say that; the plans are just as important as the final outcome; the final outcome is performing my pieces of written music in front of others; memorized after its written and practiced.
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In a addition to finally performing something; is to pan the camera from the back of the dragons tail to the from of the dragon; looking at the beginning of this process; the beginning steps in the struggle or goal.
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This process brings intellectual qualities into action by turning an idea into a thing. In order to turn this idea into a thing a large plan must be created; and Im in that process.
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The creation process of goal setting and plans is what I call “ Work Ethic”; Its the boring part for some; not for me; its exciting to create the plans because I feel safe; or safer and conservative and on the right track; a track leading to success.
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The process for music creation; Im practicing; just as a pianist practices a piano piece; Im practicing what its like to set goals and plans and practice this procedure; process of planning procedure.
The process of a plan is a composition for me. Both the planning procedure and the musical composition and its final outcome are both compositional idioms; both the planning procedure that created the foundation or is the foundation work; this is a composition and this process must be practiced if I am to use it for my many goal interests. In addition; as Ive mentioned in sentences above; Music creation; compositional practice is the other side of the dragon; the tail. The planning is the head; the goals; The tail of the dragon is the musical composition. Both are lethal and important and of the same value.
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So; creating the plan for implementing the music creation process is just as important as creating the music composition that leads to performance.
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Ok; Where am I in the music planning process. Well!
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I have 10 steps for creating a piece; learning it; memorizing it and performing it. And I will take the first step of this process and break it down into 10 mini steps.
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Im now in the process of experimenting with assigning identity to each step of the process and the 10 mini steps to a step; Giving them names and purpose; Then; sitting at the piano and exploring these ideas.
And thats where Im at now.
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It will be awhile and take much work until the planning process is honed out; honed down to a workable manageable level; and why? Because it does take a lot of work. I'm taking planning ideas and applying them in the real world and finding many don’t work or I have to re align many things to make things work; so; it will be a while before my plans to be practiced and ready. I will say Im doing everything in the real world.
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I certainly visualize everything and practice visualization; the concepts of the structural procedure; the plan. And this is where the real work is; the commitment; the strengthening of faith and trust. This is where I Bolt or leave; not anymore; I go general or chill; I move away from this abstract; I move into shallower waters of reality and focus on outside things; colors of trees contrasting the grey of the street against it; stuff like that. Ill chill out and look around at normal life for a while and then when ready; Ill get my focus back on the areas of my intellectual interest and start again; I do not quit; Instead I pull way back and chill out and do others things.
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I look at this whole experiment as someone walking into a nuclear plant; When the radiation gets to high; I back out of that place; I grab geiger counter; if the radiation levels are low enough or have gone down; Ill start working on my plans again; if the radiation rises; Im oud a there! Ill go chill for a while; do something else; take my mind off it for a while.
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The point Im making is this; The first work of importance and the main for for this subject is the planning process; because it takes me down a pathway that was defiled when young; Im revisiting another pathway of its nature; will something jump out and eat me like before when I was young; while I make plans for my lifes interests; Thats what Im afraid of; of being triggered that something terrible is going to happen down this pathway; a pathway of death when young. Will I be killed down this pathway as I was murdered before down a pathway?
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So; working through the process of completion from the beginning of the pathway to the end and surfacing from the end of the pathway onto open skies; this is the another primary reason Im doing this work; facing terror and fear of the past and anxiety.
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And I must say; The anxiety disorder is what im facing down this pathway; who will win; will I win or will I be mortally stopped by the anxiety disorder.
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So; Im practicing these life developmental areas; I have arrested development and developmental disorders.
By practicing my goals; I'm creating many new possibilities to strengthen this twisted morbid backwards area of my life… So much pain associated with; so much deep horrible pain with working in this pathway.
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So; there it is. I have allot of face; I fave the defeating horrors of the past and Im willing to go back into the past to begin my developmental work again where I left off in the past. It hurts and disgusts me that any of this even happened; that I was destroyed against my will and my future ruined. I know pic up the pieces of where I left off in my life when young and began to build; First Im strengthening the processes I would have continued to work on when little and this will go on for awhile; its a kind of co creating with the small child in me; The child is BACK THERE; In the original life of myself and then the adult me is here now; we are both working together in unison to create a new me and co creating this with the universe as well.
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Relationships
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The understanding of relationships has been opening for me.
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First; ive had several concepts of relationships brought to me from the universe; meaning; What kind of women am I looking for that is a perfect alignment for me; Ive met her; she was brought to me; ive had a few; but I never asked the universe for them to be single for dating or they are not the physically accurate type; I mean; or financial; I may never have asked the universe for those things yet; a complete package. Or something working on there lives to better their lives; that either; never asked for that. The universe listened to my heart of what I thought important right now and brought it to me; Thus proving once again; I get what I ask for from the universe.
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The universe will protect me. Ive had several women at meetings show up around me with the right criteria; only to realize I need much more then one sliver of the Right Criteria. The universe was protecting me; but the universe was also showing me the universe can bring me exactly what I ask for; and the universe did! And did it in correct timing; Amazing!
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A friend of mine just dropped his girlfriend; He told me she did not consider him significant; and he told her and walked away.
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This women had money and a house and vehicles and was part of his recovery group process; She checked allot of boxes for him concerning what he was looking for; Unfortunately my friend did not ask the universe for a women that valued him; was inline with who he really is.
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I told my friend that he was getting closer; I mean; He got what he asked the universe for; and that was many real world things; now he has to learn to feel what his new girlfriend will feel life when hes around her… that he wants to feel so good with her; aligned and she will be so adorable to him and he will want to take care of her; she will be just perfect; that intimate feeling. Thats what he must show the universe; and when he does and gets this part down right; she will appear.
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A problem he might find and one I will; Its hard for the universe to bring qualified people to the recovery meetings for dating; I don’t think thats a great place to meet someone; I mean; the person has to be like near perfection to qualify on all fronts plus be the perfect recovery person with no problems; is that possible. Maybe.
I think I would have better luck in a an art class or something; community class for those of the same interests I have; it gives the universe a bigger palette to work with; a bigger area to bring people into.
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What do I mean by this?
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If Im only hanging out at a bar where drunks drink in a dingy low lit bar room in the wrong side of town; and thats the only place I visit socially; Can the universe bring me someone special; perfect for me; well? How about I help the universe out a bit and get oud a there. Go to some place nicer more qualified for decent people to show up to; how about a number of places.
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So; working with the universe and setting new goals of where I would like to meet the right people; Is a dark dingy bar full of drunks; is that the place? No!
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Heres the deal; Ill have to change a bit and become more social if that be the case with the help of God. If all I can do is make it to the library down town; thats a good enough place or the coffee shop; God can work with that. Or will work with that.
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IF the universe is just proving that it can help me; sure; the universe can send anyone my way anywhere; but Im not suppose to date them! That was never the purpose; the purpose was to believe in the universe and the universe sends the proof.
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For real dating or hooking up or meeting the right people; Lets get me back into shape and in attractive palaces to meet the equal of the type of people I want to attract.
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Ill work with the universe on all of this when its time comes.
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Right now; its one goal at a time; and that goal is music creation.
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