OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Tue Aug 19, 2025 6:45 pm

Introvert to extrovert…
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Confidence build is what this is about…
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Several different forms of confidence for the development of a mans life for him to function in society.
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So; I have a foundation; basic.. Meaning; Ive now got a foundation to work on. However; that means development of confidences of different forms and shapes and sizes. Men come from Lava; the Brutal clay created by Volcanoes deep deep within the earth… Fire Ice and Light… This is what creates the Caveman elements of is deeper self..
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The point is; Im very lucky….. I get another chance…
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The problems n challenges;
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First; I have a new set of new confidence clay; its going strait from inside to outside… from deeper inside to outside… solid; However; the clay is coming out… and consistent is its nature; my strength… I remember it being developed when young. So; Thus; its happening again… and it has happened but its small and weak… not strong.
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THE PROBLEM;
It may take have a life time to regain my confidence to do anything; any rejection, dejection… I may not be here that long.
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So; I have to just keep working with God…
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I do feel with this new vat of confidence; I can see myself standing with an opportunistic mind; standing in a crowd of people and learning how to walk up to people and introduce myself and get acquainted with them. Learning how to stand my ground and talk to them; and if Im rejected; it doesn’t get to me… I just walk away… or not even; I just walk to the next person and keep trying and gaining experience.
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The key to this; I feel connected to other sources; recovery and sponsor and God and such… I have a tether line; a line with human energy oxygen; spiritual oxygen to keep me going regardless; However; how practical this is in the present moment; we will see; I will be applying myself and thats what counts.
Im getting close because I can see it in my imagination as if it exists… Meaning the new confidence; and it does.
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The key is to have escape routs when interacting with a lot of people.
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The goal is; To get the extrovert part of me is to get me around new groups of people.
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Getting around new groups of people; means meeting new people; allowing introverted women who might be interested in me; Getting me near them for this to happen. However; Ill have to be extroverted to start and continue with the journey to get to those places where single women exist… the right ones.
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I need experience.
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by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 15, 2025 10:32 pm

Its happened again.
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Through the online dating channels; with some really really good stuff Ive fallen into; Im now officially going out; looking women in the eyes and practicing. Im learning how to hold my own eye to eye; Man O Man O Man; Women are much more confident then when I was out there in my youth. I mean; Man. But no problem; Im a guy; Thus; I own them… At some point Ill be able to show them that I like them enough to prove it… But man o man; this is the real world; and practicing with real women eye to eye is the ultimate and original way to get this job done.
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I practiced on a few women today… This is in addition to all the women and people Ive waved at today from my bike.
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But up close and personal; Im looking at them in the eyes with no flinching; Nothing! And holding my own. They are holding their own because they are so young and energized and confidence.
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Thus; Im in a new level of training; gladiator school dealing with the goal I have… And Im now officially unbelievably outside in the real world practicing with real women face to face; eye to eye; and they are complete strangers… I do not nor have ever built any attraction with these people; They are simply strangers Im meeting on the moment; and I have to stay eye to eye with them and just look them strait in the eyes what ever feelings might come up in me; hold my own Baby; And their it is; over n over n over n over n over; gain experience… This is the next level God has for me; to develop. This is my next level of development; It requires nothing more then for me to look a women strait in the eyes for extended periods of time regardless of whether she is nice or not… its real competition; My God these women are confident…
NO PROBLEM… I want theyre bodies more then they want to win an eye contest… So; Ill keep at it…
What am I trying to say. Im trying to say Im in a period of eye contact up close and personal… keeping it PG… Conversation.. basics; if they love me or scorn me or want me or hate me respect me or not; No flinching on my part. Ill keep working with God on this; I might have to go through 500 women to gain this specific level of training… I wont be leaving this level of training.
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I do know some basics and Im on the right track; Ill just keep this up for as long as I need be. Im missing much experience in my life; if not all experience of this sort in my life. So; Ill keep it up; as I slowly get stronger. Amen.

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 15, 2025 4:24 am

It happened again; another connection…
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This time I was watching TV shows from the past of my generation… “ We’r the young people and we’v got somth’n to say”;
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So; from my childhood I was watching the Partridge Family; All young kids wanted to be like Keith Partridge when they grew up… He was a great example of how we were like in those days… Those shows represent life fairly well; when when I was a young boy in my childhood. Its like looking at a merrier in time. More importantly; it represents my identity at that time period.
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Something happened as I was remembering. I remember those shows when I was kid; I remember watching them; so re watching them again is just like being back in my childhood.
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However; Something strange happened; Suddenly I was thinking about women and connecting with them and not feeling good enough.
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Im the guy that was goofy around women; I didn’t have any training from a big brother or friend or uncle on how to pick up women; Meaning; meeting them; courting them and so on; into a relationship; I did know anything… So; I bungled around once in awhile; And I kind of randomly mindless fell into a girlfriend; and unfortunately it was more then just a horrible horrible disaster… Most of the time it was someone fare below my value system level; so much so; I was fairly unhappy and confused most of the time; resentful they were never the right kind of people for me; but always the wrong kind of people completely.
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I still don’t know what Im doing; but Now atleast I have a more constructive attitude about the whole thing.
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Im the classic guy that looked at women as always being way better then me; I didn’t have a chance with. If they were really pretty; I simply gave up long before I would ever get near them; I was to intimidated by their looks and would run. I felt bad inside if I got to close because they wouldnt need someone like me; they had a million options. They had so many options I would never put myself into that situation just to be humiliated.
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Also; I was so unsure of myself around women; I just could not be myself and joke around or act like everything was OK.
I was to shy and never felt worth much around women. I just gave up and never got near them anymore and went off into my own world…
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MENTAL BREAK DOWNS>
My mental break downs; The many Ive had; left me similar to being like someone with a stroke. Literally; very similar.
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Meaning; Ive really only been able to go to 12 step meetings speak and ride mountain bikes most of the time.
My Mountain biking is what keeps me sane.
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Heres the point; Now; Im starting to rehabilitate; Im working with a better attitude about getting better; to learn how to get back in touch with society.
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Something happened when watching these TV shows of my past; and then I watched some dating channels on how to talk to women or date; And suddenly I realized I never felt anywhere near good enough about myself to date anyone. Im not sure I feel any different right now; But something happened.
Suddenly I felt connected; aligned with my worth and value and I said to myself; “ I can do this”; it was like I was connecting to my own independence…
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I was at that frequency again I remember when a kid growing and secretly believing in myself and my future and wanting my independence. And suddenly I felt it again. It happened; I connected… I connected to that person of the past; The me of the past that would grow independently. And felt really confidence and good enough about myself. I felt good about myself; suddenly confidence; like I walked into that frequency. And suddenly I said to myself; Im good enough to take a chance and see what happens. Im all good; I can do this; I can take this chance regardless of the outcome; Im good enough and Im worth it… but its more then this. Its like; Im somebody; I can do this… I felt good about myself.
And I don’t t...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 15, 2025 1:42 am

SO; Something has happened…
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I connected today with a women; I did something; I kind of flirting joking; a connection; Something that has never connected since age 14; and well; well before that; How I was when very young; ages 5-9…. My authentic self. My real growing self…
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So; I connected with my heart with things; I could not be in survival mode; or I was in control by taking chances; even if half the time I was in a heightened level of awareness.
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I remember this connective feeling when skiing as a child up on the Hill; the Ski Slopes…
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This connection came from God; it came from my inner being; But what was it really; what it really was;
It was the protected child deep down low coming out; feeling safe; feeling free; feeling practiced; and “ Bam”; A lightening bold right throw me to that girl; BAM; right to her heart; right from me. Like sending a lightening bolt right into a girls heart; and suddenly I felt it; I was completely back at a complete moment; like when I was a young child. BAM BAM BAM; And their it is; What Ive been working for; for the later half of my recovery process… And it happens; and it happened to today.

by **OMNICELL** on Wed Aug 13, 2025 8:46 pm

Coming back from nervous breakdowns… And how it affects Dating…
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So; under God; with magic and help; Im finding myself in a new manifested quantum leap’d; Real!.
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Im becoming social and popular again with women. I love women; I love them with all my heart. Meaing; Im extremely attracted to them at all times and love being around them obssessivly. I used to spend hours and hours with them doing everything… talking, calling, visiting.. hanging out. ALlot of me thought about them all the time non stop. I loved them; and thought about them all the time and wanted to be round them with them and doing things with them all the time. I just loved it. I love to talk; and I loved to talk to them. Love…
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So; Im looking forward to learning a life back where I get to be more social and meet interesting people again and spend time with them.
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Another problem;
I want to meet women that are right on the inside for me; But; Also on the outside. Many times now; Im interacting with women who have the right education but M; Im just not attracted to them completely…
What I want is both; at-least an even amount on both sides; in n out!
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So; Ill have to pray for this. Im scared because I don’t want to go through being put down. What can I say; I want a women I think is adorable and beautiful physically… For me! And I don’t want any less. I don’t know what they would mean to anyone else but….
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And Im not around that…
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Its always like; Theirs so much competition out here… IT seems like the girls that are 4’s in looks are going after guys with 9’s in looks and social status. Unfortunately; those girls will only be good for physical expression with a gent like that; nothing more; and he will leave them after a few months of using them…
Im just kind of throwing that out there. I saw this info on a vid in youtube… So… Take what you like and leave the rest.
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For myself; So far; Ive never gotten the right combination… Yet. I really need to see it as something positive that Im getting close and I have to believe its possible… Possible to find or have God bring someone beautiful and adorable to me; How I feel about them; And intellectual and smart as well… with down to earth reality… Anyway… Im getting there. I have to learn to believe.
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They were a real part of my existence; a thorough complete part of my existence; they were all I thought about. But not everything. And its this part of my life; I lost all. And now Im grieving badly heavy; while God regains my life ability back to me again under his direction and care.
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I had another several lives developing at the same time; and I had interest in those other things as well. However; When the real breakdowns started; it was all over; No more social; everything became schizophrenic, unreal, and anti personality disordered; Anti social to survive. Al-tho; finally I could no longer survive on my own; I was gone; lost…
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However; after more neglect abandenment and abuse from the origional people I came from ( meaning; I was being thrown away); My mind left me and then I was not here anymore. No more popularity or anything. Nothing; I became far distant from people.
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After this mental illness got worse n worse.
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However; after years of recovery; Now; its getting better for me. However; its slow; and its all work under God…
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However; God is taking care of me like no other. By being under Gods realm, energy, and sovereign state; Only good things or coming my way continuously. I asked God for a girlfriend. And Im being changed inside and out to do it; God Universe is the one changing the inside of me… Im literally getting flipped upside down; backwards into a new being.
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Here I am; Im becoming social again; needed in that very special sensitive aware awake spontaneous way; interested way; that combines to be an interesting soul to women…. And its been happeni...

[ Continued ]

Introvert to extrovert…

Its happened again; next level with women development

It happened again; another connection…

First Real connection of my new life developing...

Coming back from nervous breakdowns…

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