OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Mar 07, 2025 5:59 am

Manhood;
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That is the next step; The next step forward is my manhood…
This is the manhood I would have learned growing up; And that will never happen under that regime for they did not care about me or what happened to me. The good news is; It can happen under Gods sovereign state and it is… Im showing up; and thus because Im in Gods realm in Gods sovereign state; I get to work with God on it.
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Im at that place; Im in the middle of it right now; that Gap area between boyhood teenage-hood; Young man hood and manhood. And Im making my way up the ladder of manhood…
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Its all God directed; Im a little kid inside and God is has taken my hand and is leading me on a journey to my manhood; And God is my Mother and My Father; and God is leading me; Guiding me instructing me, taking care of me on this journey to my Manhood.
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Most things I want in this life; they require me to be a Man. And the things I want are in the middle of society. And So, God has a plan for me to change; change from where Im at into this Man to get the things I want… And that is what is happening.
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Why is this so important or of value right now; Well; I have several levels of foundation. And so Im making a smooth transition to Manhood; That would be the perfect utopia concept; Kind of; Their is no real smooth transition to manhood; its all brutal and caurse and ruff. However; Im a-bit-uz to the idea of it and further more; ready for it Kind a… I am; However,…. Im still a small child inside being taken by the hand of God; taken on the hunt… and learning…. God has me… Im accepting… God is the Treacher; God has my interests at heart… The Universe is on my side.
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I have to become a man in order to show up to the things I want; I have to become a man because God wants me to become a man; A Caveman to survive; And God will turn me into one if I desire what is out on the hunt and I do.
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If I am to hunt and have success as a hunter; I must become a Caveman to do so…. I am turned into a cave man.
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But how is this possible without ever having any parents and being stripped of my life when young and completely lost; and later addicted to substances ( For a short amount of time; but a convincing amount of time)and vastly mentally ill. What do I do. Well; God has the resources and techniques and tools for such a job; and when I become a student the teachers appear. For me; This is all under God; In Gods sovereign state.
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As I mentioned above…
First.
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1. I GET to do things today; This is the new change of attitude adaptation. This is a real philosophic change. This is internalized as a way of life… And I got this from my 12 step meetings…. I have a philosophy for living and it is based in Attitude; a change of Attitude; I GET to be part of things today… its an appreciation.
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2. Work Ethic… IF I work for it under Gods sovereign state; it will always materialize… This is from the 12 step meetings I go to. I have changed it around with Gods permission to suit me and my situation. IT means that; since Im under Gods sovereign state and under Gods supervision and control; I get perks; being able to work for something under Gods light; it will always materialize in Gods compound; his tribe; His living area that I belong to. When Im In with God; I got extras; and this is one of them; If I work for it; it will always materialize. ( The key is; I have to always believe; and this is possible if I work with God; God will show me how to believe; The Universe will teach me how to believe). This means for me; this is an add on to the laws of attraction and success based thinking; thinking like the wealthy; doing what they do; thinking like they think. However; all things are done and taken to God first; I co create my life with God. I co create with God for my future; A Wife, Money; House,. Car, Career, Job; occupation, education; vacation; All things… including t...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Wed Mar 05, 2025 1:52 pm

So it begins…
The purge back into society; The purging of living on memories; The purging of being stuck in a time- warp that repeats itself over n over. This means a full immersion back into society. Its more like the purge creates a running affect; its energy directed; that is the full immersion missile. Society its self is an identification. Ive learned my lesson and no more escaping from life; ( Im trying to escape from the escape). Life is the escape because I say so. And for anyone or any man to get this far in life; is a good thing. Its like coming home. Its more then coming home. Its coming back to God; its coming back; and that is a good thing; a lucky thing; a fortunate thing. Its life; as we know it!
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Benefits of the Recovery process
Wht have I gotten from spending half my life in 12 step groups; Ive received riches; but in what form?; Attitude. What I used to clamor about; about being a slave. Now; my attitude has changed; Now Im reverent that I get to be part of life. That I get a chance to step back into it; truly incredible; truly. A door has been opened to me; and opportunity; not given to everyone; But its given to me… And Im taking it and have been taking it for a long long time; for Ive been traveling back in forth in n out of these doors. But now a newer door has been offered me; a door of openness and closure. When I walk through this door; I wont want to ever go back through it again. Ill be staying in the present again because life will be bearable to me for me in the present; For God has re structured everything for me to live in the present and win.
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NOTE: What do I mean by Win! Well; I get the same life back I had before when I was a kid; but I have no desire to have the scumbags( The bad people)( Strangers pretending to be someone else) in my life who fooled me when I was young; Ive become aware of what they are; and they are no longer needed to make me happy or to feel stable by their trickery. I have a life built underneath their deception they know nothing about and never will; its life where Im being taken care of by God; and they have no part of it.
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I win! …………………………..
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Its pure riches. I really don’t know; if I compared what I have to someone that inherits a billion dollars; seriously; would they really have more then me. Well; Im a man that likes money. I may not have much right now… ! However; I believe everyone aught to be rich; filthy rich; rich enough to ski every day for the rest of their lives. RICH! Full a cash; thats what I think.
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I never got a chance to dream like this when I was young. We will see… I mean. Ive never pursued any wealth before… Not until getting involved with God and success based thinking processes… So; havent pursued anything like that yet! Dont know; Ill work with God on stuff.
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My life is coming back; Im so very lucky regardless of what or where I came from; To be able to go beyond what I experienced or where I came from; incredible. Under Gods directive; to come back to society ( or feeling safe that altho within society not part of society only by choice)( but still part of society)( not living in a false dream world). ( I have a dream world but its through God)( the rest of me is here on planet earth); to come back as if I never left; Like it was all a dream; all the bad things that happened. And I never lost out; Instead; God just replanted me somewhere else. Its almost like winning the lottery. I listened to God and God replanted me and I sprouted; re sprouted at the new location of where he planted me; But I had to ask his permission for his help; I had to ask permission after getting his help. I had to ask his permission for help; and he helped me… and their it is…
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I was fooled in my dream. But Im not in my dreams. Im in reality; I take my desires to God.. And I learn to live out my dreams…
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I did not re sprout as someone else; I was g...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Mar 03, 2025 7:04 am

The main goal is to get over FIRST LOVE…
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What does that mean; it means there is no more First Love; but Im still being controlled by it; by the memories…
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They have a hold of me. Im now working that I have a hold of them. I want to break through. That is what is important; breaking through… Thats what Im working on… Thats whats most important right now. Nothing else is important; just this.
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I drill through this by getting way below Gods shrine as I pray to God and imagine Im drilling through the earth under God with my hands… meaning to become humble so that God can bring me a new life.
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The point is; when Im humble and Im underneath or below God; I have a chance to look upward and take an interest in a real life; Not a bunch of rumination from the past. I can actually look forward to something real. Thats what counts…
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I know its all a lie; all of it in my head.
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Ive broken through many things with Gods help and Im going to break through this as well. It will be like a Water breaking through a dam… thats the goal; just have to keep at it until I come out on the other side.
It could be this persons memory is also associated with the time period of sexual abuse; they are both tied into each other. So breaking through one breaks into the other and that might be whats stopping my mind from going forward.. What ever it is I will be attempting to break through; Ill working at it all the time; This is the most important aspect I have; to break through this and come out on the other side to start over again.
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I just want my mind free of the lies. Its like Im drunk with resentments I don’t even want anymore. I don’t want them; they are making me sick; drunk and they are a place where I avoided to; like an addiction. I don’t want to avoid anymore. Im trying to set goals for my future… These things have no place in my future life… I want a new life.
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So; its like breaking through a wall. Ill keep at it moment after moment after moment. I dissociate and avoid. And Im going to beat this thing and break through; God will help me.
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Ive made allot of progress but I have to keep digging in until its all gone. I have not broken through anything.
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I broke through concerning occupational stuff; Music Art and Writing creating; it looks like; Im just now seeing some break through at deeper levels with writing. However; Ive been breaking through with it anyway. Guitar has been breaking through. Memorizing lyrics has been breaking through.
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Many areas have been breaking through.
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Now; Im on to relationship stuff; and that means breaking through to the other side. I don’t know how long this will take; but Im getting wholly tired of it. I don’t want my nervous system hanging on to anymore; Im getting mad about it… Im tired of it…
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I think I have to go back to 4-5 years old; 3 1/2 years old; ask God to help me break through.
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It may take 6 months; I don’t know… it will take what it takes to be free of this; I want my brain back; its mine; I want it back; its been living in a swamp from the past; living their; I want out; I want free of it; thats what Im working on.
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I have to continue to get up to speed with this until Im full force under God and breaking through… breaking relationship problems into the present. The fact Im a victim is true; but now Im being victimized by my nervous system protecting me. I don’t need to be protected anymore. And I want out.
So; Thats what I will be working on. This is wholly frustrating.

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Mar 03, 2025 12:31 am

More on Bowing down to God
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First; Bowing down to God is number 1. Dig a bigger large area much lower then the shrine of God; and on my knees hands out; pray for help for what I want and desire and keep at it and at it and at it; over n over n over; and write stories about what I want. And keep at it… Keep at it and the world changes in front of me…. With my head down.
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I pray to God at a lower level then God…
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Writing; becoming a writer. What God is teaching me. Its just writing. Ill have to work to get a life; The life I want does not come because of an interest in story telling. I have to work with God to get a life As-is regardless of what Im doing.. So;
And\
This is not about writing; this is about working on writing. This is about learning how to work at something I want to work at. Its about working on things… its about work ethic toward my interests and thats what Im suppose to do( thats whats missing); work on what I like to do. I kind of got that scared out of me when young. So; Now Im learning with Gods help how to get my interests back; working in them; back in and work for what I want… I have to get back in and work for what I want…
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I have to get back in and work for what I want. All the avoidance and damage and pain; I want to address. And I am….
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Writing stories; learning how to write; is very interesting to me. Its important… However; its allot of hard labor and it can be tedious work to learn how to write… ( and I get nothing for it); its dry; its so very dry; its just letters being put together. And if I try to hand my identity hat All on this; Im afraid Ill be holy disappointed; hurt and let down; My life; I want to say I wont go anywhere being a writer; not go somewhere; I may learn; working on Writing did not give me the love I felt I needed and the security. However; But actually I changed my mind. I mean I still feel the same way; kind a; Writing wont get me anywhere. But I realize; that attitude is kind of a cop out; for me. Maybe not someone else at a position in their lives; but for me RIGHT NOW; Its a big big Cop out! I know better then this; I can have success if I want it; I just wont work for it… its all about that “ W” word…
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First; I will say putting all my worth into all of this; worth and Identity hat; into this; is Not what I want to do ( But it is what I want to do). I want to feel worthy( but not depend on writing for it). I want it coming from God and myself; and maybe family; A real family maybe; that I create; but not external dry hobbies and such. Im not suggesting hobbies are not good for me. I don’t want my self worth associated with how well I do something.
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I mean; I do want to put myself into what I love to work at for the only purpose of loving it; I want to have the guts to do so. That is exactly what Im working toward. Im working toward the ability to put all of me into something; Do it because I freely want to. However; This is trepidatious waters and I need God on my-side for protection. I need to feel loved before I set out to study writing. I don’t want writing to supply it; Ive been down this road before; I got destroyed depending on something that was undependable.
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I kind of said 2 important things; first; I want to learn how to stand up for myself and on my own 2 feet and not depend on something like Writing for my self worth and identity; However; what a treat to have something like Writing to help build my self worth and identity. I want an Identity regardless. I want my self worth and Identity attached first; already intact by working with God. I do not want to depend on Writing for my self worth ( story telling). I want instead; go toward God and work with God down independent pathways for self worth and identity; So; I have allot of work and allot more work to go down those pathways for identity and self worth. I have received a bit of it.
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[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Feb 24, 2025 4:58 pm

Blogs;
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To paraphrase;
For awhile; accepting the new reality of being present in present reality; as Ive been accepting reality as it is in the present. Im slowly moving back into reality now as is…Back into society. Im moving more into reality in the present now; Its about an acceptance. Im getting acquainted. Im coming back to reality. Im coming back into reality; back into society.
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Many changes have happened; These are from God. God is preparing me for a new life into reality; a life based on God and my immersion within God; back into reality. God is my Mom and Dad. And God has been taking care of me and God landed me slowly into reality in the present ( that is what is going on now). And this is basically what I asked for. This is what God has been protecting me for…
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God is slowly helping me as I trek into reality. For Im only in reality; Im nowhere else. As for the past; the ( The past), is not required. Im fine in the present; Me and God! Im fine… In fact; Im becoming literally self actualized; My goals are on the future; My attention is on getting those goals.
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Most of my time is put forth onto my goals for the future; becoming what I dreamed about.
What does this look like? I have many areas of interest… mainly pertaining to occupational style things; For example; Callings and Purposes; All of this starts with Arts; Anything associated with creating stuff; Creating music, Art, and writing And videos that present this creating Music Art and Writing. Other areas include relationship building. So; I have many goals; Not millions but a choice several few… All talked with God… All between me and God.
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Here is a real example: For years;
I wanted to learn how to play guitar; for 2/3rds my life; I always wanted to learn how to play guitar; I tried a few times; and wouldn't go beyond a few chordal attempts. And finally after dreaming about it for long enough; I set forth to properly learn how to stick to a goal; and after several years; finally; I was committed enough and desperate enough to really attempt a try at playing and learning guitar; and finally after numerous months; change started to occur…
I simply grabbed the guitar over n over n over; picking it up and attempting certain chords or barre chords until finally after months of practice; guitar playing began to materialize. And then; 3 strait months of attempting the F Barre chord; and suddenly without warning; it happened; I could play it; No other feeling in this life is so grand then to know I maid it into the guitar world; I was able to play the F Barre chord; the door to the palace was opened; all I had to do; walk through the doors.
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Note; One of my dreams? To walk into a music store and try out the guitars; try them out because I could actually play a song or 2; I wasnt just a 2 chord wonder.

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My big goal in life; what truly causes excitement in the imagination, is to become an Intermediate guitarist. What does this mean?
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What kind of guitarist is this? This is a guitarist that can work in a band as a general guitarist; some lead playing and rhythm guitar. This is someone that can Lead-sing and play the guitar at the same time as rhythm guitarist…
This is a guitarist that can play scales; basic lead guitar playing; knows several songs complete including lyrics… And they can figure out most rock songs; the chord structures; that they can recreate them. In other words; They can play Rhythm guitar position in a real band; including any basic live set up for guitar… So; they can play with other musicians in a beginning band as basic guitar player;
That is my goal.
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And Im on my way slowly toward believing this will happen. It only happens with practice and effort; nothing else. Im always working with God; God is never far away; God is who I pray to all the time and God takes care of me; I am helpless and powerless and G...

[ Continued ]

MANHOOD is where I am going

So it begins… The purge back into society

The main goal is to get over FIRST LOVE

Bowing down to God 2

Bowing down to God

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