July 2025
June 2025
Trust
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Im now at a place of learning about Trust. Im at this place of learning how to Trust God. Im at this place of learning how to Trust women; and I do not know how!
Im at this place of Faith
How do I trust myself and have faith.
Ive not been good at deciphering anyone or anything. I realize Ive been around the wrong people. If I find myself around the wrong people what do I do… I have to learn to have a base with God…
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When I venture out; I have no idea; I don’t know who to Trust or how to win out there… I don’t know…
I don’t trust anyone…
Ive never been enough for anyone.
No one has valued me for being myself as I am; its never happened. Maybe once I think when I was younger; but even that person; if I did not have a future financially; they would have been gone at some point.
So; Its all very strange; Im assuming I was suppose to have a wife and a family… Ill have to go through God…
I almost feel like; What did I do to deserve this? Everything is a dead end. Its literally like a dead end; I just end up nowhere.
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I have no interest in people who have no interest in me. And that is all Ive found.
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Im a nice guy; I can be trusted; Sure Im liked people some people; Those that cant be trusted like everything about me…
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Im looking for those that are like me; that can be trusted… It just seems to hard all of this; over n over n over n over n over n over n over…
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Ill go to God. And work with God. Ive been here before…
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The people Ive ended up with; its just horrific… Nothing could have prepared me for those nightmares of those monsters; over n over n over; Unbelievable. How did those type of people find me or ever find themselves around me; and their was no one else around me; Nothing.
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I remember only once being with a nice girl; But I could not imagine that if she truly knew who I was; the trouble Ive seen; that she would have ever stayed more then a day; She would have waited and gone out with some guy sure to bring me the money or be in professional positions. SO; I would say; God never sent her.
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So; Im looking for those people God is sending me. Thus; Only choice is to stick with God and work through God…
I feel like the concept in the Bible that states something about the idea of a lovely Doe or a wife; Someone lied. Their has never been anyone like this for me ever; Ive never met anyone like this?
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The people Ive met are not people; they were worthless scumbags; and Im worried that I did not know why I attracted them; but I have an idea; I was at the bottom of the barrel and didn’t know it… And that is the problem.
So; the question is; How do I get to where higher quality people exist and become that level in society.
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Im not really around the right people; I have never been. No one has ever seen my worth or accepted me; Nothing.
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SO; I will turn to God and work with God; what choice do I have.
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This is a hard one.
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Ive heard that its not men that divorce; its women; they divorce because they get bored or theirs not enough resources.
Ive never heard of anyone who actually likes each other or women marrying someone because they actually found a decent person that liked them. I get the impression its more about the thrills; Women find someone that is thrilling and they fall for that…
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Men fall in love with women; Women fall in love with the life style a mans money can bring them; They do not love anything. That truly is what Ive seen.
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What scares me; Ive never attracted anyone that liked me for me; for who I am. In my world; I would never even talk to someone that didn’t have my best interests at heart. Now; I cant even find anyone. Its like I live on a planet of aliens…
Im from one planet; they are from another; its like being around a bunch of corrupt people. Should I become corrupt because others are; and that way Ill fit in; No Thanks.
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All I can do is trust on God; and learn to trust this process… Im scared and made sick to my stomach to go through this again and again… It always feels like Im being led out to a field alone and dumped.
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Technically; I have nothing for anyone in the world accept my heart and my value; I have nothing else. And non of those things have had any value to anyone.
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SO; I do not know. Ill keep working with God on this.
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I guess Ill learn to be happy as I am.. until the end! What Choice is there…
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But I did want a family I guess.
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So; in this area; I do not have much faith in God.. I do not see any track record of God showing up…
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Ive been so destroyed out here; I have no idea what to do… I certainly am working with God on this. And will continue to.
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I have to assume God Universe wants me to have a family; I mean; I cant imagine God not wanting me to have a life… Nothing here makes any sense.
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Im going on the idea that God wants me to have a family. Right? But that would require money. It just would.
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Ive never met a women that cares bout Love.. Nothing; They care about Money!
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Hypergamy is the practice of marrying or dating someone of a higher social status or economic standing. It can also refer to the tendency for women to marry men of a higher social status.
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So; Im exhausted by the idea of someone taking an interest in me because of false preconceived hypergamy.
Ive attracted several people in my life based on women looking through the eyes of Hypergamy.
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I never attracted anyone decent; No one saw me; I was a ghost.
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I would like to work with God on this concept of marriage Family.
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Ive never had anyone In Love with me…
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Psychopaths don’t count…
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Ive been unnoticed by the general populous. I was ignored as if never born. So; I go back to God and work with God.
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NO way in the world I could ever live up to the standards that people are looking for; I don’t just fall short of these things; Im not in the ballpark.
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The only thing I have is myself and my Love for God… And that truly is all I have. And that fact Im laughed at because of this; This tells me the world is flipped upside down.
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Ive not found anyone interested in my soul or even having a soul.
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Ive not been around anyone that could care less.
Ive seen women that claim they want someone with a soul; but they are talking about the 1% guys of the population. Guys that are built perfectly for womens dreaming standards and who have Financial backing and money and popularity and… And Status and so on…. Men that are working themselves to death… Men that were the top 4% of their high school or college… Meaning football players. I remember those kind of guys when I was young; it was a false lie; a joke; Nobody is like that; those people were corrupt; the guys they liked where corrupt.
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I was innocent real decent. And non of that has ever had any value to anyone…
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So; here I am; working with God on this to become someone that is Caveman like to survive.
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I believe God does want me to have a family; and that in better situations; that would have happened. Or, can still happen. I just don’t have a lock to this vault. But God does.
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The -Problem is; Im nobody on this planet… Im of no value. Most of my life Ive wanted kill myself or leave. I was never valued by anyone…
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Today for the short remainder of my life; what is left of it. My time is running vastly out. For what ever is remaining; I work with God on the original intent of having a life.
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Ill keep working on this.
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As for women; or having women in my life; This would suggest; I meet people that actually want to be around me because Im of some value; Its never happened before? My attitude has been; why would I think it will happen now.
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Certainly a whole lower level of scumbag people exist at the bottom of the barrel; These are not people to ever attract; they are 2 faced and something bad enough; I cant describe; a hideous scary lot. They certainly are not safe for anyone to associate with… scary…
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The problem However has been. Ive been a combination of not being taken care of; blind; innocent naive and thrown away; and ending up walking right out into the arms or streets of who ever was out there. Well; the type of people Ive walked into are not of a quality of any ranking basically regardless of how they want to appear to others. They are not safe to be within one hundred miles of; they are not the right people.
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The problem has been; Who is the right people; The right people require that I have a job or money or vast career… I mean; Im being serious.
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Id have to ask God or work with God to win the lottery or something just to have a wife; And even then theirs no guarantee I would be with a decent person that was actually interested in me as a person. I gave that up when I was a boy. I stopped believing in anything or anyone one in this society when I was very small. Ive never been proved wrong ever. Unfortunately; I was proved right over n over n over…
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I don’t know why no one has ever liked me or accepted me as myself; I don’t know! As for women; Ive been spit on most of the time in one form or the other with hideousness and hatred and contempt; Very much the same way Jesus Christ was Hated; if not exactly the same…..
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I assume these people that have had no value to me had no value to God either! Im guessing; Im just staying. I don’t know.
I know they never had any value to me…
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Here is the point; Ill set my goals and intentions and silently work with God on them and see what happens; I did want to say; see who shows up; but that is not the way I want to meet or attract people; I don’t want to keep going through that again.
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Ive come to the conclusion that if God wants me to be with a wife; I would have to have a small fortune and Im assuming God would get that fortune for me. Im talking about reality here… It takes money to have a family and children… Im guessing thats what God wants for me; Why else was I born. I mean… for what…
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I just want to be happy like anyone else…. But I wont become a liar and thief like others with no conscious about it. I have a conscious and Ive been horrified concerning what Ive seen out here in the world.
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I came to the conclusion; I would have to have money in order to have any kind of relationship with anyone of any quality; thats what Ive seen. Ill simply take it to God. And ask God how any of this is suppose to pan out.
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As Ive mentioned; Ive been horrified by how Ive been treated by people; Ive been treated of no value; nothing…
And looked over or passed on by the world and its people.
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I am working on this stuff and this is where I have a hard time trusting God.
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Im literally suggesting to God that God bring me people that will value me only if I have enough wealth… So; no matter what I do; its always conditions. I cant imagine being with someone and stomaching this. I could never trust them.
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Trusting women when Hypergamy seems their best friend; this just leaves me exhausted with no place to turn.
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So; Ill talk to God and work with God on this; Im not sure how Im going to work with God and trust God on this… I don’t know… Ill talk to God about it; the whole thing makes me so sick to my stomach.
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It feels like Ive watched privileged people in and out of relationships and women going after men because of shallow reasons that most of us cant even began to compare with; standards so high Im not sure ive ever been accepted by anyone like that.
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Ive witnessed corrupt men that have had nothing but interest by most of the women Ive seen; even if those women are treated horribly; the men had status and money… The women had no interest in who they were; only if those men could buy them a house..
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So; does that mean if I can buy someone a house; I can have a girlfriend? I have nothing else that interests people….
I do not believe anything else.
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What I believe will determine my future.
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Ill have to take this to God; if God truly wants me to be with a Wife; He will have to create something himself for me; Create a women out of his own energy and send her to me for me…
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As for money; Ill have to work with God and find out what the requirement is.. and just ask God to set me up… I don’t know…
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Nothing really makes any sense to me; its laughable; all of this; but its not.. Its not laughable its extremely serious.
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The problem is; Nice person or decent person like me has no value to anyone; That is the problem.
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The problem is; it is not attracting anyone. So…
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I don’t know; But God does; And if God wants me to have a Wife and family; God will have to show me and create a plan for me or work with me on a plan. And their it is.
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Im not above the idea of what God has planned for me. IF God says I need a small fortune in order to have this wife he wants to send me; SO Be it; I will start believing and work with God to have the requirement of what has for me to do… Ill just do it! Ill work with God under Gods plans for me… Im OK with trusting God. \
What Im not OK with is the state of the society in general that I would have to go through this in the first place but its also about growing up.
I am a man and these requirements seem not to be out of the ordinary.
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I think; if God makes me into a Cavemen that can go hunt and gather and bring home to my family; Then; Ill be better off if I want a family. I don’t see it any different then for anyone else out here…
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Its all under God; We will see. Bring it on; Im ready! Im ready to work with God as a student to learn how to live in life; And for God to be the teacher and to guide and to bring anyone or anything else in as helpers and sponsors and guides for such things under God to help me In and under Gods sovereign state.
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