July 2025
June 2025
I have to be grateful for the things that are happening…
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I have to work with God to imagine I have plenty of new women and what those women act like… technically I have the recovery people and windows with the women that are in the meetings… SO. Ill work on that…
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Simply meaning; I learn to be myself; my real self around in certain meetings; I tell the truth; Soon people know me as I am. Im no more then that… and thats who I am.
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Ive been doing this lately… and its wonderful; Im really in the right places for the next level of my recovery.
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WOMEN?
Not at the meetings; Simply because they are not responding to me. Ive met some but they don’t want me. So… I mean…
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So; Im working with God and well; the meetings in general are working great; as for women; Well; God has to prepare me for outside the meetings into the real world where I have no experience.
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As for women in the meetings that work for me; Ill continue to appreciate everyone that is there in general because they are all helping me in my recovery; but the women are not accessible for me; They are not interested in me. I mean nothing to them; they see nothing in me… Im of no concern to them or interest.
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So; I assume that means God has plans for me outside the meetings to meet women. And so; the meetings Im in right now are preparing me for the outside world; to be myself. Im learning to be myself around others; this starts with a slow process of telling people who I am; who I want to be; and who I am not.
The part of “ Who I am not”; is working very well for me.
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Car and God;
I saw this car; but It feels right; but I don’t have a go-ahead from God; and if God and my inner being are not backing it up; Im not moving; Im not budging. I wont.. God has to prove himself or no movement.
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I am learning something about God; Dont throw away the opportunity with God; Give God a chance. Give God a chance to prove himself. But don’t let God off the hook. God has to come through; like a Father to a son… Or; No GO!
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And its more then a Father to a son; The the creator the universe to one of Gods creations that cries out for his help.
Why was I born if God is not going to even protect me while Im here… That says even the universe doesn’t want me; Why should I stay here. So; I look at God and say prove it; “ GOD! You didn’t protect me when I was a child; you let me die”; Why should I even attempt to trust you at all; What is the difference between you and Satan; You both want me Dead! Whats the point!
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Prove it first God; Or no GO!
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However; I do not make excuses to move on from God; Now I stick arround and work with God to prove; Let God have a chance…
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If I walk away from God; that is a secret excuse for me to go back into a carnal world where there is no God and live; Ive done that before; that did not work; there is no power without God.
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Ill stay with God; Keep praying but expect nothing until it shows up; Im only with God for only one reason; its not because I like God or feel safe with God or trust God; I DONT! But God has the power; and this power keeps me safe.
Its not that I don’t love the concept of God and Like God and care about God and love God; But God does not love me. Their is more to life and no life just because Im on this planet with or without power. Either way; they do not equate to a life I have asked God for…
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I ask God for a life; I expect to get it. Or at-least a sign God is sending me into the right direction for it.
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God is like a power; I ask God for food so God prepares me and then sends me into the land of supposed food. Im on the journey and the marks to the journey of supposed food within the land of food; and once in a while are markers to show Im going in the right direction; But after awhile theirs still no food.
When I finally get to where this might be food; Im told I have to pay large amounts of money; Now I how to go with God on a journey to get large amounts of money; But this point; My whole life is wasted and spent with no purpose and I die of old age; or Im so old there's no reason to have any hope anymore.
WHATS THE POINT! ITS ALL A LIE! ITS A LIE THAT GOD LOVES ME: GOD DOES NOT…. NO ONE DID>
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But this idea of GODS Power keeps me alive; without it I would kill myself; for I have nothing on this planet and I care nothing for its inhabitants; Thus; I stay around God for Gods power; not because I like God or trust God; I DO NOT! But this power; what ever this is; is helping me.
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I do like God; I do love God… But as a human being I can only take so much!
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Anyway; Gods power is the only way to the light. So; One does not leave God; one gives God a chance to prove himself. I mean; I learned my lesson when young; I had women I loved with all my heart but I never gave them a chance. And later God pointed out; it wasn't their fault because I had never asked them out; I never gave them a chance to show they would prove it one way or another. Certainly someone could bring up the concept that they were unsafe and I saw that unsafety. And only a fool would get involved; However; regardless; I didn’t get involved; and thus the law remains; and the law is; if I did not date them or tell them how I felt and ask for what I want; they owe me nothing.
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Lately, I saw a girl I liked. I got her number; I called her; I texted her, I asked her out; I got nothing; nowhere; But also; the whole affair only lasted 3 days… Within three days; I finished the process… and the end results was; someone was just playing me; for what ever reason; They where not my friend.
I found out in a very short time. In this whole time period; I was with God talking to God working with Gods power; so the end result was not so painful. I was a bit heart broken; but; it was real but really brief. Im assuming God did not set this up; My fantasies did.. However; Also; I learned a great deal and it set me forth to more experiences… So; trusting God is a hard thing; I get it.
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With women its hard and strange; it seems the more I can go into them; the closer I get to having a relationship with them. I have to become that man; Technically; God is turning me into that person; I have to just hang on and keep believing and keep working with God.
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CAR; God has to show up with the money! God has the last say in it; not me; Ill keep praying about it.
But God has to show up with the finances for car insurance and Gas and so on… OR something; anything.
IS this the right direction? I don’t know… Wheres God in all of this; I don’t know; nowhere… I don’t see God in any of this; not directly. But I do.. my feelings; but I want God on the for front; I align with God and inner being…
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It hurts all of this. I have to get on my knees and keep working with God; let God prove it; but to do that I have to give God a chance.
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I have to do this with God concerning girlfriend
I have to do this with God concerning Car…
I have to do this with God concerning money
I have to do this with God concerning music studio.
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