July 2025
June 2025
The next blog;
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I am slowly moving up out of the insanity Ive been in from the past…
Im slowly moving back out into a regular life where I get my needs met from the outside world; meaning regular life… Not 12 step groups.
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I feel at times im in the 9th grad when Im in meetings because it literally feels like Im in rooms intended for the purpose of sitting and sharing… Not much else goes on…
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Its like being in junior high kind of. Nothing wrong with that; but I want to go outward into the real world and meet people God wants me to meet…
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I want out!
Im ready to go back out into the real world
So;
Out in the world is where my goals are. Ill take God with me…
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I still have to develop… and grow more; not their yet… Ill get their…
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The goal is to see myself outside with normal people interacting. Im getting stronger; but not there yet…
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I can feel it tho…
Im thinking about women and interacting with them…
Im thinking about art and music creation.
Meeting new people…
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Ill work with God on all of this.
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IS a car possible; Ill talk to God about it; amen.
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Im not sure im saying what Im suppose to say.
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its like right now its a kind of an exit interview… but it may be a year long and I go somewhere else.
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More n more Ive gotten what Im suppose to get from these groups and Im ready to move on. Not yet; but Im getting their… amen.
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I can feel it as Im growing…
At some point Ill ask God for a new life where I do more on my own in new places;
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Im working through what I need to work through; its happening in the 12 step groups; and when Im better or stronger Ill try something new somewhere else; Ill keep working on it. Amen. Under God… talk to God amen… not their yet…
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Still dissociative and mental...
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Ill have to work with God on the next level of what Im suppose to be doing or be a part of; Not their yet; but I think my original interests when I was younger; that Im starting to show up or want to show up; amen.
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Im not completely well; Im dissociative…
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Im not well. I am getting stronger I guess; more independent… in life interest… I just have to keep going; keep working at things; and come back… I have to work with others; interact with others; amen.
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Ill have to keep working on what the problem is; the damage. Dissociative damage… So; Ill keep working on it….
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Dating;
Theirs never been any dating…
Nothing ever… No one…
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Nothing…
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Ill try to get honest about it…
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I really need to get honest about it… and keep getting honest about it; and just be myself…
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I don’t see anyone I like or trust… Nothing
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I don’t see anyone that sees me. Meaning; I don’t mean anything to anyone… So… I see know one that sees my worth or cares… So; Ill talk to God…
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I don’t know anyone that takes me seriously for my value; nothing; zero; its like I mean nothing to everyone.
All I can do is turn to God and learn to trust God on this; I don’t have any other choice.
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I don’t have anything; nothing material; nothing…
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I guess I really need to write on this subject. Ive been in a state of suspended animation considering all of this.
Ive been teased conned lied to and played; and faked out when young by girls with false crushes by girls who were just playing me…. Coning me.. But I went to them; that was the payment or the judgment on their part for ever showing up around them. I guess I never learned… No one wanted me…
Ill have to turn and talk to God…
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Ill have to write on all of this…
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I don’t know…
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I never had anyone interested in me; nothing.
And Ill have to look at this and really get into it and feel it; and go to the next level…
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Something is missing. Right from the beginning of my life. Ill have to work on this to become independent…
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Talk to God about this….
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Make a list of what Ill talk to God about completely.
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Make a list of what Ill talk to God about completely
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This is where I have to go…
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I have to go to God about all things as I come out of my dream world back into the real world…
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I have to work with God on what I want…. Thats where all of this is leading; to Bow down to God…
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More n more…
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Ill keep working on it.
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