July 2025
June 2025
I need help strengthening my personality and identity. My interest is to become independent so I can have relationships…
.
What are my relationship goal?
.
My goal is to get strong enough to have a sound foundation developed; a strong base for relationship manifestation.
.
Im exited but have to wait on God’s directions and journey down my pathway for it to become complete.
.
What am I really looking for;
Im looking for enough experience and sacrifice to this idea of relationship that I become independent enough to go after what I want; From unicorn TV fantasy to the real world; out on my own with Gods help and go after what I want where I no longer need to work anything out in therapy or 12 step groups concerning romantic relationships.
The goal is a completeness through chance taking and experience at the basics that Im kind of “ Back”; I'm back under my feet again. My confidence is back again. I can stand on my own 2 feet again and take care of the processes of dating without any therapeutic need at 12 step groups or counseling to deal with the development stages of strengthening my personality or getting love and family acceptance. Im looking to get enough love to grow up and become a man… independent. Unfortunately mental health issues are the main issue; damage is the main issue and very low maturity rate concerning develop; to much trauma from an early age; Thus; I have my work cut out for me. I have faith in God; God will deliver me a pathway of where I work my way into a new way of thinking and thus end up a more developed confident independent confident person for my desired goals.
.
Ill explain;
Ive been working for years simply to stabilize through God and 12 step groups..
I did spend years at psychologists offices working on the main segments of the mental disabilities; They put me back together enough that I could show signs of becoming present enough to connect with them and with myself and some of the world around me. I was then moved to weekly psych meetings for my help. However; I added more n more hours of 12 step meetings to my agenda; and they have helped enormously.
.
2 of my main goals; to independently function in activities and relationships… Meaning; Music creation and the creation of romantic relationships.
.
At this point; With Gods help; I accomplished Music creation on all the fronts I felt were important for a good base to go on my own and start creating without the help of reporting in at 12 step groups anymore concerning this activity. This took many many many years of work.
.
Relationships; Im just starting on it; on the later aspect of strengthening myself and accepting the realities with my mental health disabilities; to be of an independent nature as I am; accepting myself as I am; and go out on my own and make things happen with Gods help…
.
Does that mean Im not broken anymore; Well; Im still broken but Im a better version of Broken these days; and I have support if I end up in bad situations where I could get hurt.
.
Heres the deal; Life is a Risky business…
.
.
If you asked me concerning Music creation; Id tell you I accomplished that activities requirements that I was working toward. Art; very close to music in that with Gods help I accomplished 95% of its requirements to satisfy my belief that I have the ability to independently create art and know what to do with it. Im still stuck on what to do outside in the real world with it; but thats not where the universe is having me start with my drawing creations when I finish them. However; the point is; I don’t have to go report anymore at 12 step groups about Art; my struggle with Art is now my business… It simply has been kind of completed; the circle of dysfunction holding me back from connecting to art and giving it to the world is somewhat Gone. That does not mean Im not in dire straits about it; or that Im willing to do any work or create any Art; it simply means I don’t have to go to the therapists office to connect to it or learn how to connect it to the real world; As I did for years before. I can now make art and I can now handle taking it out into the world and put it on someones wall.. So my dissociation of things is not affecting Art creation as much or stopping my ability to create art in the real world. Nor am I stopped from creating music and performing finished compositions. That does not mean Im any good at it and it doesn’t mean I want to; It just means I have the choice… It doesn’t mean I can handle a work ethic of consistency. It just means the process is mine; I own it now… Atleast at basic levels.
.
.
What about romantic relationships? I do not have the choice yet; I have not earned it yet; Im 2 immature and no real world development down an honest new lane of information; but Im working on it; and Im actually on the journey now. Or; Im at the door and the door is open and Im standing their with Jesus looking at that pathway preparing my feet and legs to move forward and practice slowly walking back in forth on that new pathway; Just kind of getting used to it in small steps at the beginning of the pathway; Jesus holding me up helping me walk back n fourth for a long while until I can get used to the basic steps of things again… God helping me with my disables where I do not function because Im not here Im constantly numb and dissociated and de personalized; like looking out the class of a jar from inside the jar… everything is 2D but I cant touch anything or connect to anything; Im afraid in those areas Im schizoid… Well; Im still schizoid!
.
.
Just came from a meeting; gave me hope; People talked about struggling a long time with problems and becoming a new person no more dependency or codependency; they have new lives now; after a long long process; and Ive watched that process with my own eyes; Or people who were poor when young talking about maybe they never got that lots of stuff at Christmas but were always able to get that one thing; maybe not from their direct family but from distant relatives or even state agencies that helped out; I thought that was really cool and really good to here. It hit that area of nothingness in me where a large gap resides Im working with the universe to over come…
.
Right now; Im eating allot; to much; going to meetings; learning; getting hope. Just kind of waiting it out until my personality strengthens and I can let go more of the past that is not needed anymore… and wake up more in the present… Wake up that Im Oke as I am; meaning; my identity is just fine; who I am; Im ruptured and my personality has been more then raped; its been beheaded and murdered in addition to being tortured and raped… So; its very dissociated ruptured damaged; very very very weak… However; with enough work I can feel and see a kind of stable platform at the very bottom floor… something!
.
Now; Im starting to wake up and get hope and become a person again!~
.
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: bellarosechem, Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot]
- Home ‹ Board index ‹ Blogs ‹ OMNICELL's Blog ‹ Hope n Faith
- Contact • Advertise on Psychforums • The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 3.114s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.37
Time : 3.114s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.37