July 2025
June 2025
Hi God; Im working with you now.
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When it came to life; I didnt have any work ethic... And now Ive got one from someone I trust; and thats the only way in this world I would ever get one; only from someone I trusted; and that someone is GOD! God secretly led me to the work ethic concept he had in mind for me. and its all autonomous and private. Its personal and between only me and God and no one else on earth… So its safe.. Ive been very Immature all my life; undeveloped all my life in everything. I was shut down at an early age and had to hide the rest of my life.
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And this is a great thing and something for me to work with and practice; Im very
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So if I learned a lesson from the past; it is; of course nothing was working right; I did not have you in front of everything; I I did; I would have never met who I met. I would have just become who I was suppose to become… under your care. I did not do that and I was left barren…
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So; now; I learn my lesson and slowly begin to learn to put you first.. and that is what Im learning.
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So; the work I have to do is; I have God in front of everything first… no matter what; I turn to God and then let manifesting occur through God.
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I have to learn this lesson. I must; that is all life is about right now; learning this lesson. And how to do it; I stay out of the rest…
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Im slowly struggling working to come back to life and have some values and morals and direction and desires in life. Im slowly waking up to a life.
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Im building a life in my imagination with Gods help; I just want to feel and be safe…
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So; The key is; Im building on all new ground; No one from the past is coming back; nor do they need be; Ive worked through enough of them to understand I was being used. I had no real friends on that side of the world as I thought I should be. I was worth it; I was worth 1000 times over it; but the people I ended up around where never going to care; and that is what I didn’t now; They were not nice people.
Who was the blame. Its true I was looking for love from anything and anyone; someone to accept me; However; that never happened; I did not know; I had no one in in corner; nothing; I did not know.
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So; Now Im turning to God and going in that direction to build a life on my own with God for the first time. Im just letting it happen day after hour after hour; slowly unfolding… And Ill continue until my last days on earth… or what ever… Ill keep reaching out to God…
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Ill keep reaching out to God for the things I want… and developing them…
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Right now; Im asking God to make me of a higher frequency; to develop me. And so Im on to that situation.
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I have to work with God…
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This is allot of work and trust… Reaching out to the heavens…
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Learning how to have a work ethic about things; not give up and throw in the towel; as we used to say in the olden days…
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Now; I have a work ethic; it means I pray and visualize and write stories about accomplishing things Ive never had the confidence to accomplish.
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Mechanics; impossible; I don’t care what it is; I go into a stage of freight; it brings up the adolescence stage and childhood and young teen years where their was no one. Nothing. No training; nothing; I couldn’t come out of my shell.. I was 2 destroyed. No one to care about me ever; nothing; and worse; those I did open up to never wanted anything to do with me; they chose not to care about me after meeting me; they abandon me… I meant nothing to them.
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So; if Im choosing today to work on something mechanical; its 2 much reality; However; today Ill stick it out; Ill work with God on the subject until I get the answers Im looking for. Ill stick it out. I wont quit; I have a work ethic; ( a young work ethic); Its from my 12 step groups; If under Gods care and sovereign state; “ If I work for it; it will always materialize. That means; if I keep at it; keep digging keep working at something; Ill learn how to accomplish it unto success. Ill get better at something I put my hands and heart into. What Im looking to do will materialize if I work for it…
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So; today I learn not to stop. Ill keep at it. And this is completely new to me. In the past; if I thought I lived in a cruel uncaring cold world; I wasn't going to do anything for anybody or myself.
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Today Im learning to do things for myself.
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I would never learn how to do anything or if I had a plan I would never follow through because it would require work of some kind and I wouldn't be committed to anything; it would be to real. I could not get that close to reality. Today; things have kind of changed; theyve changed spiritually and that is helping me apply hope to what Im doing in the real world.
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For example. Lets say I had a scoreboard motor; if I wanted it super charged Id take it into the shop and have them fix it up; but I would never attempt on my own to get into the motor and make changes…
You can say the same thing for building a gaming computer. I just wont; I know 2 many thing I don’t really now about could go wrong and I wont do it. If I get hit with frustrating problems I don’t understand; I will feel like my back is up against a wall; and Ill be immature and stupid.
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In fact; I think the Gaming Computer thing is a really good example. Just because theirs a million vids on how to build a gaming computer; I just now I cant because Ill freeze up when something doesn’t go right. I wont stick it out and look on you tube for the answer to anything; even if it took me weeks to maybe stumble across that answer; I just didn’t have the stay power to attempt it; Ive been abandon 2 many times…
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Well today; I still have that horrible fright phobia; However; things have changed. If I wanted to build a skateboard motor from scratch; I just might. And I wont stop until I finish the job even tho I have no idea what Im doing.
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EGO PRIDE: I don’t want people to know I don’t know what Im doing or that Im in experienced and stupid. I want to be able to talk a good game; not be found out I don’t know anything about nothing! Because I don’t.
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So my life is a lie….
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I want to learn today how to stick it out; concerning a goal.
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Someone told me the other day concerning gaming computers and Windows. He said; “ Just Google the answer; sooner or alter Ill get an answer. And then I can learn how to work with it; even if its hard and takes along time.
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The key here is the belief in that work ethic of mine. I mean; its a work ethic from God. It means a relying faith in something I don’t know or cant see; and I keep at it in the dark for a long time until finally the light shines through. Its like being blind for a whole week and going out into the world and learning how to live anyway…
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So; Im relying on a work ethic from God and God and success based thinking to help teach me how to stick at things and don’t quit when Im working on a project.
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Lets say I have that skate board motor and the parts; non of them make any sense to me and I don’t have any common sense with those parts that put that thing together; I know nothing; its obviously over my head from the start; I get broken and intimidated and give up before I start.
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So; with that attitude of giving up; that is what Ive always done; give up and just run away or walk away in sadness.
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Today; Im learning; maybe for the first time not to give up even tho I really don’t know what Im doing. And in that state I still don’t give up; it means Ill have to learn how to be a person that “ Knows what hes doing”. Ill have to learn the slow hard way; through wrote; over n over n over; through hard work n learning and practice; over n over n over; what Nut what Bolt works and how they all fit together to make a thing work or run.
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Im starting to learn not to give up on something I was completely terrified of starting or getting in over my head on. Today; Im not quieting; instead Im making a commitment to get good at something I petrified of; Something completely over my head.
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NOTE: I could not touch anything that might but me in a state of fear and trauma of the unknown. Something that would remind me of what broke my mind over n over n over because I was left alone to many times when young with no answers and needs I could not get… My mind was broken.. No one cared…
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So; would I build that gaming computer; maybe; I would; it would kill me to have to look up answers for Windows problems or something or more detail on what to expect on how to put things together; However; Today; im willing to take that chance and learn something Ive never learned before. And that means; It may take me a few weeks of practice to just learn how to put the right bolt in the right socket after attempting to wrong one hundred times. It means making a commitment to make it right; learn how to make something actually work and the pieces fit together properly. It means trial and error; over n over and over.
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Something has definitely changed within me. Im not the person I used to be; Im getting much more belief and faith in things on how to live; something I never had before; Taking blind chances to work on things I never had the confidence to attempt before; Even tho I would still have no clue how to do something…
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Another example; One of those mechanical projects where I have to learn about tools; the right tools and using grease; and different kinds for different applications and the right bolts with the right nuts… In order to put something together safely.
I was the guy that would never attempt that kind of thing. I new I would lose it in the first 5 minutes; And I still lose it in the first 5 minutes; but today I don’t quit.. I keep going anyway. I might have to take a few days off and study images or you tube vids on how to do something similar; even tho I had never done it before.
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Maybe I want learn how to adjust the gears on a bicycle to the point of success; where I'm proficient at it. Where it actually works; and competently.
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Im used to getting in over my head with something that sounds good; or sounds like I would get a great reward for; but I never actually follow through when I find out what is required of me. Its all 2 much; and I was never willing before to learn. And I was never willing before to really learn; to really learn anything and the work ethic and practice that actually goes into really learning how to do something until I feel confident at it.
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How many Skateboard motors would I have to go through before I felt competent at working with something like that.
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Lawn mower engines… Thats a good example; learning how to completely strip down a lawn mower engine and put one back together to a point it runs and runs well and solid and its back together and usable.
How long would it take me to get proficient at breaking down a lawn mower engine. And their it is… I would get overwhelmed and not do something correctly and give up .. Id just give up and go away…
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WomEN; This is a great topic. How many times did I make a big big mistake by associating with the wrong person; and then when I found out I was with the wrong person; instead of correcting it; I just melted away… And gave up. I no longer cared…. I would become co dependent on that person. And I would think they were my everything; and when I found out I meant nothing to them or I had be associating with the wrong person I would go into a level of shock and sadness and lack of hope and never come out of it.
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It never occurred to me I had made a simple mistake; a simple judgment error on who I chose to spend my time with; and simply go home talk to God and start over so I could be corrected and learn how to go to the right type of people to find people for relationships.. I would admit I was wrong; walk away start over.
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But I never started over; I never worked with God and learned that I make lots of mistakes. And thats ok; GO home and start over. And keep starting over until I get it right… And working under God while doing it.
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Ive had way to high an expectation for myself in the real world; feeling like I was stupid and could never do anything.
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I never allowed my self to be a honest student about things and learn how to do something and stop taking myself so seriously as if Im suppose to know everything…
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So; this work ethic thing is really great and really helping me; it still scares me to get involved with something over my head. Many times I just want to take the problem to the experts; pay them some money and let them figure it out; but more n more I want the confidence to make something happen for myself; where I learn to do the work myself; whether its working on a bike or a car or choosing the right girl to date under Gods care and direction; or building a gaming pc.. or what ever!
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I would like to learn how to do things for myself. Not give up when things don’t go right the first 45 minutes of what I was trying to accomplish.
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And I think I have a good start on becoming that new person that learns how to work at something until I get better at it…
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