July 2025
June 2025
FIRST LOVE:
This still may take another Year to get over. We will see. Im doing well concerning it; However....... Reality is reality; Ill explain more below....
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First Love;
I have to get over her.
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Im in the final remnants I believe.
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Ive worked with Gods help; Ive worked with God shinning his light down upon me; So; Ive worked up to the limit I think. I can keep going; I will; but I have to cross the line… I have to work to cross the line into a new life in the present… That is happening; Im getting stronger; this time I work with God on these things in my life…
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What does this mean; it means Im crossing over the edge of that pond; That pond represents this girl; That is where she ends… As I get stronger and learn to navigate my row boat across that vast pond; after working through vast waterways of that hidden gigantic pond; After getting Gods protecting with Jesus Angel's Holy Spirit God Universe… After doing all these things; working with the safety of God.
1. Im getting closer. Closer to end of the pond… Im coming up upon it… The girl is the pond but she represents a girl dressed in a haunting white gown or dress from the turn of the 19th century; much like a horror movie; Dracula movie created in a scenery of 1900.
She is on the island in the middle of the pond…
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She seems like a ghost who is stranded on the island…
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The point is; Im moving away from the island and have headed toward the edge of the vast pond; and Im coming close to the edge; and Im coming within that area of the edge; its like a ring; a ring of entrance. Its a thicker kind of area with much water weeds under the water and other things of greenery.
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The point is; Im coming into that greenery; That area. It is the greenery before the edge… Im in this area; coming to this area…
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At some point I know ill be at the edge; if maybe I haven't been their already…
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I think maybe I made it to this edge; maybe looks looked beyond the ring that seporates the ring from the edge into this vast pond…
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I can feel it; I can see the figure on the island. I can see her; but whats interesting; she seems like a ghost or a demon. Its almost like its Satan.. Satan calling to me or looking from he island at me laughing… trying to pull me back in…
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What does this mean; its means there was never a girl their that liked me; it means I was played the whole time… And Im becoming accepting of that. I was being played or used. Laughed at the whole way; their was no one interested in me… However; Im slowly getting used to this fact; im not there yet;
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THE NEXT ROUND>
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The next round; This is where Im at;
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At some point Ill break through and come to shore and take my first steps forward. This means Im aware of the girl on the island in the middle of the vast night or early morning pond darkness of the pond. I look back and see the girl on the island that represents the girl I liked when I was young. Im faced with the task of saying goodbye… What does that mean; it means Im leaving.. my energy is heading toward the shore line now; Im looking at the shore line of the pond from my row boat. Im not looking back anymore. Even if I do; Im still floating forward toward the shore… More of me is heading toward the shore… Im already at the shore line; Im a different person then before.
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And Im moving onward…
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Part of me wants to save her; at the island. The other part of me helps the part of me that wants to save her; letting him know there is really no one to save; I was deceived. No one there on that island could care less about me; secretly they are laughing at me all the way to the bank. And that is what I have to believe as I head toward God…
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Heading toward God means; I come to the shore on my boat; the boat comes up on land in the murky Myst of dark early morning. I slowly get out of the boat; I can hear or look back way in the distance in the fog; of the island with the ghost girl upon it. She is moaning or morning loss. But another part of me from God reminds me it is Satan; no one is their… it is fake; for she is a Siren; The Sirens of Odysseus; Same things. They call out in need; but bring a man to his death; a mans goats smash into the shore before they get to the Sirens and they and their crew are gone… Dead… And so it goes; that is the purpose of the Sirens…
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And this girl I liked; she was a Siren to destroy people like me; innocent people; people in Gods care; for it is God that they really seek to destroy; They are ran by Satan.
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So; Im at that point; that jumping off point. That point of saying goodbye to my First Love; heading out into new lands new steps forward leading to new relationships in a new life.
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Im right on that edge… That edge between the past and a new future created. And literally right there.
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And I have gotten off the boat and taken a few steps forward; but there is a problem. Because Im working with God; I must immediately form the God; go into the God Pathway machine.
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What is it like in Gods Pathway; God is at the end of it… It is alike a giant Tunnel for me; like a giant underground Highway going under the water or through part of a mountain side… It is large round tunnel…
However; when I step into the Gave Pathway; I collapse. I cant walk or move down the God Pathway. I cant move down it or stand up because Im not trained in that spiritual sphere.
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SO; Jesus shows up; The Angels of God show up; Holy Spirit Shows up; Universe Shows up; God shows up; They all grab me hold me up; get me to a railing up against the red line. The red line is an area of the God Pathway; it runs parallel to the right side wall of the Pathway… I may not cross that line. I am to learn to stay within the lines… No matter what. However; a railing has been constructed; it appeared that I may grab on to it with my right and left arms and hands; rapping myself around it to hold myself up. While I hold myself up; The Angels grab one leg at a time and slowly move my leg into the air forward and then drop it and place my foot onto the ground in front of me; each leg slowly one at a time; slowly moving me down the God Pathway. Im holding on to the railing while this is happening. Jesus is helping push me forward litte by little down the Pathway…
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Im helpless; thats the point… And I have to rely on Holy spirit; God Universe; Jesus and the Angels and My New Parents and anyone else God brings into the God Pathway…
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Im helpless and must ask God for help for everything down the God Pathway; I don’t even need to ask; Hes already their; I cant even stand up or move without him; its 100 percent dependency On God.
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I have to first learn how to walk down the God Pathway first before I can walk outside and continue my real journey and steps from the boat anchored on the shore of the Pond.
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So; I will continue to find myself stepping out of the boat when porch’d on the side of land from the pond; into the God Pathway and practicing; More n more thats where Im ending up right now.
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FIRST LOVE THOUGHTS:
Thoughts of my first love come up; they haunt me a bit; my mind is trying to hang on to them as a last ditch effort.
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So; Im in the middle of my mind still trying at times to hang on to them. However; my nervous system and soul know better now! We know who this really was; this was just some prankster playing games with us.
Someone who could care less that they met us. I meant nothing to this person.
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In fact I believe maybe they were seeing people; had several boyfriends and callers at the time I met them; but I didn’t know; because I didn’t think like that. I don’t hurt people like that. But this person was a stranger and for some reason I thought they would be a nice person; but I had forgotten; I was not in my original neighborhood as a boy. This was not a person I knew anything about; nor her family. She was not a nice person. Or; I don’t know anything about her.
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In reality; I had made a big mistake. I had put all my eggs into one basket; all of my feelings and motives into this one girl; not realizing; I had never really discussed anything with her about how I felt; I just presumed I could go up to her house and start a relationship; start vetting her; start creating a friendship for the future; the problem was; I had no relationship with her. I had not created any. I did not even know if she was attracted to me or liked me or was interested in me.
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She was never attracted to me; she could get the best of the best in society. I did not know what that meant. I was very innocent and did not understand the way of things in the real corrupt world.
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IN THE PRESENT:
Im at that point; Im beyond this person now. After 2 ½ years of intense work working with others and techniques to get into my brain and get her out… Im now beyond her. The problem is; Im not very far away from her; from this; within my brain.
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What does this mean? Ill use the Pond narrative as an example…
Ive gone from one side of the pond all the way crossing to the others; months and months and months of work; lost in the myst of darkness and greenery of the morning night upon the pond trying to use God to help me Navigate through the water ways and channels of this great large pond. Finally after facing many fears and much work; I find myself at the other side of the bond; at the edge of the pond; ready to enter land. Ready to board land.. to land on the shore; walk off the boat onto land.
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Ive gone beyond the girl; She was on the island in the middle of the pond and I dealt with that island. I dealt with that land mass in the middle of the pond. I dealt with that girl who I wanted to believe was the potential for a first love. Unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth. However; I dealt with her and slowly my craft began to move forward beyond that island she is standing on… And it was at that time I said goodbye to my past for I had worked through it finally with Gods help; However; I was not out of the pond. I then had to keep fighting and make it to the other side of the pond; altho the major area of this fight was over… And Now Ive found myself at the other extreme of the pond; Im now past the edge ring of the pond; going through it; processing it; and finally Im now on the edge of the pond and slowly now learning how to walk from the boat onto land and take steps for the first time.
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TAKING STEPS FOR THE FIRST TIME INTO A NEW LIFE:
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This is where Im at; Im taking steps into a life; a new life…
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The first action is to practice taking steps. These steps leading on land inward…
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And that is where Im at now.
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HOW DOES EVERYTHING SEEM OR FEEL NOW?
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So; It feels weird but great to leave this girl behind… Go forward away from this giant lie of this girl; that ruled my life for so very long; all those years; half a century… Half a century of dealing with ghosts within me robbing me of my life. Thank God for God and the Universe! Jesus Holy Spirit and Angels of God.. And anyone else God brings that has helped me; all of them; amen.
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Right now; Im not done with this girl of the past; I still have to continue to write to work techniques to get her out of my nervous system and head; the remaining areas or strong holds she might have on me. However; the main parts have been faced. And gone.. Ive moved beyond them because they have been conquered.
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So know; I learn for the first Time how to go forward. Ive never learned really; Ive been forced to run forward to survive; but never really learned how on my own to just walk forward into a new life slowly picking up what I need under Gods care… Slowly learning how to walk for myself.. on my own; However; its happening now; and Im grateful. Im very slowly but thoroughly learning how to take this one step at a time. No one else there; No one owes me anything; its private life; and Im learning how to take responsibility for every step I want to take… its very emotionally crushing a bit.. its real world; Im learning.
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Im heading toward new relationships and activities.
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This time I have to learn how to do things as an adult.
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Im very susceptible concerning women; Im extra sensitive; I did not have a mother. Im very sensitive about wanting love or to be loved. However; I have love from God. And God is the ultimate mother/father. So I am being taken care of. Still; women; Im so sensitive toward them. I don’t want to go through anymore pain with them; Thus; I have to learn how to go down a God pathway and learn how to work with God and let God bring the right people God has filtered for me… When I manifest someone or something; it must come down through the God Pathway into my realm filtered through Holy spirit Universe God… What I seek are people and things made of God energy; where God has created the perfect things and people just for me… What ever that realistically means.. And I for them I guess!
Ill keep working with God on my new section of my life coming up.
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SIRENS OF ODYSSEUS…
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I to unfortunately experienced the Sirens of Odysseus. In the Book the Odyssey; Odysseus ties himself to the mast of the ship. His ship mates all put wax in their ears not to be deceived by the Sirens when they ship buy them… When they sail by them. Odysseus is allowed to hear them but he is tied up. And when the ship rolls by and Odysseus starts to hear the sirens; he goes crazy for he is driven mad by them. But finally she ship passes and he comes back to normal.
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And so it is with me. I have gone past this girl I loved when younger; For she was a Siren and nothing real. And its O so horrible all of this… its pure death for young innocent people to become trapped by monsters like this… Im sure so many of killed themselves when young because of this type of criminal travesty. I was certainly destroyed.
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Here I am now; slowly in the interim. Im right at beginning something new and Im right at leaving something worked through from the past; Im literally right on that edge.
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NOTE; Working with God on all things; keep working on a subject until God shows up with the answers… Keep working at it; don’t stop… Just trust the process and keep going… Finally ill catch up with God…And God will give me more answers… continually.
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NOTE; Music creation.
So; right now Im working on manifesting the right equipment for creating music; practicing music and performing music. Im working with God until it gets worked out… So; I have to keep working with God on these things and not give up…
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