July 2025
June 2025
I really like FB groups but I get caught sometimes; I cant tell the truth or have a male opinion or my own political opinion; its pure evil. The problem is; I write something and forget where Im writing it; it's like a trap; but thats because; thats what it is; it's a trap.
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My Blog for today;
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On visualizing a car;
Heres a thought; When dealing with alcohol; how do I get better; pray to help the still suffering alcoholic; So; to get a car; I'm praying for the still suffering car loser... or de franchised unsuccessful car owner; something like that; someone that wants a car but does not know how they are going to get one or doesn't feel good enough about themselves.
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The key is to keep going and keep working at it everyday.
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Off topic. So; I was at a function this summer with a bunch of goons... One of the chicks at the place who things everyone wants here; well I suppose she thinks I do to... While at this place; God told me to stay away from her like football field size distances..
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However, at a meeting place tonight; I wanted to sit with a friend and he was sitting across from this women and if I sat by him; Id be sitting by her; to close... even with the gap; but I did it anyway; and I blamed it on the fact I wanted to sit next to my friends; big mistake. God had already made it clear; stay away from this person like football field levels.
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I was outside by a car; she walked out; I saw her; she yells to say goodnight or goodby to me in a kind of protective defensive way; Like. " your in the parking lot in the dark; I see you stalker and Im calling you out right now and I know you worship me and are to chicken to even think about attempting to get close to me and dont because dont even think about it"; that kind of thing with these losers. Im only around this for my inner recovery.
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However, I made a big mistake. I was told by God to stay away from them. and I didnt. This means. stay out of the parking lot; and dont sit by her next time.
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But ive learned allot about my co dependency. I was told by God to never go near her; she is pure evil. Stay 10000 feet away. And tonight was a good reason why. So; God was right. And the girl is sending out signals for the same thing; dont go near her... People like this think they are Gods and are putting people like me in my place and Im a little guy who's not powerful and Im a weakling. Im reality; Im intelligent and thats whats wrong here... This person is way to dumb to be dealing with.
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The big point is; I wanted to sit by my friend And I could not do that if I was sitting by her. So; I have to make a decision. I have to pray first. But I already know what I have to do; stay away from these morons. These Godless idiots. Not have any interest or thought concerning them but stay away from them completely.
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Im seeing my laziness; I dont get it both ways. This person is not a friend of mine and I have no relationship with them; so I have no business liking them or hating them. I am not suppose to have any thought or feeling about them at all. And that is the problem; I let my feelings and guard down tonight. I have to get a life and let people like that go; They are just waiting for someone to spring the trap; thats all it is... I dont want any contact with them; nothing. Im lazy.
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I lave to practice and learn. next time I see her; if she is sitting next to my friend; I dont go over there; I dont go anywhere near these people.
This women is not the only one; whole room full of these idiots; Actually they are criminals; they have no conscious... So; they are extremely shallow minded... Think they are superior to others. I dont think they are safe for anyone. But sometimes I drop my guard. But when I do I get caught and God helps me get those walls back up so the wrong people dont get near. Got caught with my guard down tonight.
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Back to the car thing;
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Laws of attraction. Manifesting things. I have to keep working on it daily; affirmations until I feel worthy of having a car and its at my ground level; we are even; this car and me; same frequency.
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Im trying to grow. Im trying to grow up and take responsibility for my life. I think its possible one small step at a time; but I have time transference. This means; Im getting in touch when I was a kid and growing from that point; and so that makes all of this weird and hard.. ill get there.--
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Back to my life.
As I slowly slowly slowly slow getting better; ITs slow but happening I think. It will be this way the rest of my life; Im inline with God. Ill keep working to stay inline with God.
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Right now Im burned out because I go to recovery processes that are in general; general. So; I have to make the process into something that will work for me.
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Im in my room burned out. Ive made progress but Im so exhausted; CPTSD exhausted.
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Im beginning to see a bigger vision of things. Im seeing myself as a child and then culture and life as I know it is erased and I disappear and do not appear until a few years ago. So; a long period of darkness between when very young and now... Its still to hard on my brain to see all of it.
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I am having a success but bi passing the past and focusing on what I want; that means; occupations; if possible; what ever that will mean; Im on disability. relationships and car and money.
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As for work thats a bigger situation dealing with the universe and opportunities and being on disability. Ill keep working with the universe..
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ITs hard to say where Im at.., Its all good as far as my life goes; as far as what others think; they really have no idea who I am or the depth that I speak of... They dont know what my achievements are; I can achieve great things right in front of them; they see nothing and see no improvement; they have no idea.
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I am doing Ok socially; I am talking with people; getting rides with people and so on...
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I have a dissociated state I want opened up; and Im slowly working on that area of damage. So; Im interested in getting into that dissociated state and look at the memories before I was dissociated. And do something about it. Im working on it.
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Im really into learning on a day to day basis using " Think and grow Rich". Napoleon Hill and the world around that book and Laws of Attraction... on a daily basis. So; thats what Im working on developing.
Whats hard is any negative feeling of being thrown away and defeatism.
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I have areas socially I want to over come. Ill keep working on it. The dissociative disorder really destroys everything; Im not present so I have allot of work to become more present beyond the PTSD...
Our partner
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