July 2025
June 2025
Expectations
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Well; Things are changing; Im getting more inline with what I want.
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Music;
I cant hear a thing. I listen to a song and I cant hear a thing; I have idea what the chords are.. I finally listen to pop songs with that group of chords and then I look online for a vid of it being played in a basic chordal way on Piano; And when I see the piano version of the chords; I realized after guessing what the chords are; Im completely wrong. Im wrong because I wont spend more the 3 seconds trying to figure out something. I give up and play the vid. And after realizing Im completely wrong about the chords. I do listen to the song on piano and I can create those chords on piano…
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So; Im able to find a way of finding the chords Im looking for; the progressions only by being beat down to a point of giving up on being smart enough to figure anything out. And I realize I know nothing. Ive never done this before…
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What Im doing is what young teenagers do when they start their first punk band playing guitar. Well; That's exactly where Im at. Thats because Ive never done this before; Ive just lied that Ive done this before.
So; Ill be learning about chords like every other young teenager starting in their rock or punk band… Ill be looking at chords from vids on pop songs…
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I guess I thought I was above this; I guess Im not…
OK…
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So; to start out a song set of my own; Ill be basically stealing from everyone. Ill use their chord progression; Ill change the chorus hooks chords a bit yet set it all up just like some popular songs and add my own words. Fair enough Jesus!
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I got to get started in the real world somehow…
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The idea of proving my intelligence continues to go out the window…
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So; when practicing to get started; Ill have to steal chordal structured songs and write my own lyrics and perform them somewhere… Welcome to the beginning of reality…
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No expectations please.
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So; Im getting it; I know nothing about pop song structure or any other structure… I only know what Ive fooled around with for years and years and half a century; which is nothing; avoidance playing. Playing to try to sound like something real without actually practicing any authentic legitimate songs. Now that Im being forced to surrender; I realize I know nothing… And I cant seem to figure anything out. Beginning Teenagers playing in speed metal bands no more then I do even if their song only has three power chords… O Well. Ive lived a lie for a long time Now Im being grounded.
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Ive told everyone Ive been flying 747’s when all Ive really been doing is trolling around the airport in a push cart with wings hooked up to a rubber band propeller.
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Now that Im actually interested in real plains. I No NOTHING! I have to start from the ground up just like everyone else.
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For this example I use planes; Im actually talking about my music. I thought I could fantasy improvise my way into learning what everyone else has to learn by watching and listening and reading and writing. Well. Now that Im moving on from fantasy; Ill be doing the same thing; How humiliating.. But; at-least Ill learn what they've learned. But please; don’t tell anyone Im not that smart. I just cant handle the ego slam… Thanks…
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CHORDS;
So far; its not that I cant figure out what im reading from the charts on the vids Im watching; its just that I didn’t figure it out on my own because Im not disciplined enough to figure things out. I never got into things enough to figure things out… I never cared about being involved in something enough to figure things out. And now Im paying for it; Its not to bad; its just a let down; I wasnt the brianiac I thought I was… Im just like everyone else; Fine. Ill learn just like everyone else.. Fair enough…
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Relationships;
Relationships in the past; To many expectations. What was I thinking. Ive got so much spoiled nature to work through… To come back to reality about the way things really are. Im working with God on this; creating new narratives of what I want.. Ill continue to do so; working directly with God concerning things.
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It would be better to attract and not go after; not at first.. if I attract someone I like or Im attracted to; thats different. Ill start with working with God on this…
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All of this is crazy…
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Brain damaged people from the meetings talking me is a problem.. Ill have to work with the police at some point because of this..
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Gods direction; Ill work on this.
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