July 2025
June 2025
Establishing myself in the community…
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Establishing myself in the community; what ever that means! Under Gods care! This is an answer God is sending me! This is whats missing from my Childhood; my development…
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I truly believe I was never developed beyond 5 years old… I stayed in that seclusion state; it never left; I had no grounding to go with it in the real world; nothing! I stayed hidden to survive.
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In the end I had no establishment of any kind in society… Im a decent enough chap; The the problem is; no real outside development and placement for who I am as a person; nothing.
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As for women; nothing! Ive been outside society… No One! Nothing! Ever! No connection; its been like Ive been on a desert island. Nothing! No one has seen me! And had no interest; nothing! No one…
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So; this is a real problem. Ive had no purpose and no life; Nothing. Ive been outside society. No one has taken an interest; anyone anywhere basically.
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The unfortunate fake friends I thought I had when young; Those people were just using me; they had no souls; they were actually complete strangers with no interest in me; nothing…
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GOD;
So God wants me to understand Ive had no development in society; Establishing myself in the community first before I come into the community or Im part of the community.
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What does this mean? I don’t know!
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But I get it; but I have no idea; but I can feel its strong holds; its pillar like consistency and securities.
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I get it; I can feel it; I just don’t know what it looks like. But I get the wisdom of it; don’t know how to start yet; but it makes sense.
Before I can ride in a boat; or a platform upon the water; a platform must be created first and all safety measures around that platform so everything is safe.
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I must have a safe establishment first in society.. I must have pillars of consistency first.
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So; I mean; its under God. So; I don’t know what this will look like.
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Im an old guy… its Oke; its all OK; its happening for me now in life; instead of when very young when its suppose to. I could never happen then; no one was looking out for me.
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Its happening now because Im letting go of the past; the secrets of the past… Im exposing them over n over n over and moving on…
Im moving away from the false lies of the past; the falseness of the past. This brings me into a standing point on the edge of reality and society; not in it yet; but outside the past; its like the past is a large lake and Im now up on the shore of it on the edge of land and sandy beach. Im right their on the edge; the edge from the lake and the outside edge of land; Im standing on pillars of soft and hard ground. And Im looking back at where I came from; that lake. And Im looking forward into the forest and that represents societies. But Im not in them yet because I haven't established myself in the community… This means the pillars of security. I haven't established myself in any world other then my dream world.
And; security in society; the pillars must be built first. And God has my awareness and heart within this and I get it; and I like it.
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Its kind of like; How does one establish themselves first become a teacher; Well; they must have a direction in school and work hard at at; enough to pass the requirements.
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I always gave up long before I would establish anything; it wasn't worth it; no love; and no one loved me. So; whats the use…
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Now; Im different and see things differently; I love myself; and Im protecting myself; and I love God; and God loves me; Universe Holy spirit Jesus; They all love me and the Angels…
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So; between the recovery process and Jesus and myself; I go forth in emotional interest and curiosity.
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The message is; establish myself in the community first; that is the job or goal out in society. I get it; I feel it; I love it; I like it; but don’t know what that means; but I get it; whether in relationship building; dealing with the basics of it with new people and or; work related; or social related; or establishing space; my spaces out in society. Ill have to pray about this one very much; find out what this can mean philosophically.
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I get it and it makes perfect sense; Im building a foundation first in the areas of interest… What I want seems to be in society; so God has me looking into and curiously learning about a foundation in society first… what that means; Establishing myself in the community. I get it; but only from a TV point of view; not a real world one. I don’t know what that means for me… What is the best direction; I don’t know yet or what it looks like in the real world.
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So; Ill work with God on this…
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