July 2025
June 2025
All that Ive written about; Could the problem be dissociative disorder.
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Relationships;
Looks like Its Dissociative Disorder; This is the problem....
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What can I do about it; First; Ill talk to God about how to practice facing forward around people that count; around women I find attractive and want to talk...
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Women I find attractive and want to talk. How do I talk to them? That is where the problem lies...
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Music creation;
Interacting with equipment and following through; That is the problem.
What is the solution; Ill talk to God about it and keep working on solutions to stick it out; learn to take breaks and to become present; leave and return to my project.
I seem to lose interest within seconds; I dissociate. I need to leave( at times) how close and interactive I am with something; walk away from it... Come back to it when I have a clear head. My head gets cloudy very quickly; It gets stunned and shuts down. I need to get up and walk away.
At times; many times; I have to ask; ( what am doing here; what is this for; what is the actual end result); am I supposed to play live? What am I doing here. I forget once I sit down to play; I forget who I am and where I am; Not in a good way but in a dissociated way I cant control. Im somewhere else...
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So; How am I going to do this. I guess; first; I must decide working with God; what is my goal here; I have to really know; what's my daily musical goal right now; am I trying to practice something; do I want to play live; do I want to get to know my equipment. I really need to know just a bit; a bit more then Im bringing to the table.
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Anyway; The goal is to keep present best I can and learn to work through things; because Im going to get triggered and that will disable me for a few moments at that time... it will completely shut me off.
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Its shutting me off right now as Im writing so.....
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So; Im looking for solutions... Practice; Ill ask God for the people and places and things to practice with and the procedures and programs set up to help me work through these problems and strengthen my solution abilities.
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