Please understand I have cPTSD and dissociative disorder and AVPD and Agoraphobia.. Lately while pushing my recovery to hard; I collapsed into an introverted monk state and stayed to myself for weeks… This happens when I go to fare out on the branches. Also; the people in allot of the recovery places I attend are not nice people; some are very sick; some are simply criminal and see people like myself as pray. If I continue to go to the vast recovery process this is what can happen.
Im trying to manifest a life after recovery…. Its over flowing into rejoining the human experience on the outside. I have allot of fear and some resentments and apprehensions… Im damaged goods with a good attitude; At least this personality; Im sure about the others. Ill give it a shot; life; do what others do; pray for what others pray for; go after what everyone in life wants… Im no different
Dating/Car
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Things are coming to pass.
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A man dates when he finally chooses to; He makes a decision. For me; that decision is very close or Ive already decided.
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As I work with the universe concerning my past; the past is over with. I had one girl I was still hung up on when young. It was a joke. I meant nothing to her and my ego could not accept it. I was truly played and had absolutely no idea what was going on… She did; the whole time. It was a game. I was the prey for the fun; sickening yes; but predators they are; and are being created in this country more n more all the time. Unbelievable.
Ive had no luck in my life dating or with women; Its been a horrible disgrace against God and our countryman; my people.
However, the country I come from is no more; its been gone for awhile now.. The socialists/communists have successfully taken it over; the value of freedom does not exist anymore in this place. In a real sense; Im a foreigner here who is allowed to work. At some point if I'm not dead from old age; that may be taken as well. Im a token of a previous regime…. The only memory of my time are a few ancient TV shows reproduced on YouTube.
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Dating; As I work with the universe; its apparent that the women Im interested in are educated cultural people; nothing like the women that have had an interested in me for the general part of my life.
I never went after anyone; they all came to me accept a few…. Only the ones I took interest in; those had meaning. And thus is the lesson.
I want to be interested in someone enough that I want to come back. Cant say it any better. So; the values and quality of such people will be much different Than what Ive been presented with in the past.
I will have to date a lot of people I suppose. Ask out allot of people I guess; to weed through the female jungle of knots n turns. Fair enough; Its time to go out and date 5000 women and see what I find interests me…
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Car; Im looking to write more narratives concerning the car I want. I have to internalize it and fall in love with it and then the universe will show me ways to get it.
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Whether women or cars; the universe is in control And Im in midway between the old me and the new me that awaits…. I have to do the footwork; Im not God, for what I want.
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The task does not seem overwhelming or horrific. Im looking forward to it in a way…. Its tedious and allot of work. I have some parts of a good attitude about it; that no one owes me anything. As for relationships; I need to spend much time around allot of women and women they know. That will be my first assignment; getting to know women….
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