July 2025
June 2025
Beginning to see it; Out of my league;
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Where do I fit in; No league; with no one.
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Problems with relationships in the past; meaning; who do I fit in with; I did not fit in with anyone .
I learned the hard-way; who am as a person meant nothing to anyone. No one cared; they cared more what street I grew up on; what neighborhood; What was my parents annual income; this would be much more important. However; since I had no relationship with my parents when I lived in their homes; it really would bare nothing to me…
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The point is; its all about who someone knows; what league they fit into; how much money; what social values; economic values.. What social status.
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Invisible; LOST; Lost Bewildered; De-franchised thrown away… mental illness, trauma maybe addictions
Rich
upper middle class
middle class
Invisible; LOST; Lost Bewildered; De-franchised thrown away… mental illness, trauma maybe addictions
basic;
lower middle class
Invisible; LOST: Lost Bewildered; De-franchised thrown away… mental illness, trauma maybe addictions
blue collar lower middle class
poor side of town/prisons/drugs
poverty
streets
Invisible; LOST; Lost Bewildered; De-franchised thrown away… mental illness, trauma maybe
addictions
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And so on…
My list is random to indicate my ideas; Im not really sure of the chronological order of social economic status as it fits into my society perfectly; Not completely… Meaning; Im not trying to offend anyone; Just saying… My best efforts at creating a map…
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I don’t fit anywhere; into any of this. This has ruined my love life… if I ever actually had one. I didn’t. Any women I was actually with; She left for economic reasons when she found out I had problems. Having problems meant I was weak nad had no future money; she was gone. Non of them cared about me as a person or even needed to know my name; Nothing! Some were even more blatant about it; They were simply their assuming I had money; when they found this incorrect; they were gone that fast… No future cash; they were gone.
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No economic identity/no money; No women! No one is interested; no one sees me; Im invisible. I don’t fit into anything…
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Lost Bewildered; De-franchised thrown away…
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I put “Lost Bewildered; De-franchised thrown away”. I put this into this mix to describe a social position of invisibility.
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MY PAST;
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So; What Im learning about some of the women I liked from my past; I never had a chance with them because I was a throw away. I made the mistake as a throw away to meander into the realms of some of these middle class young women when I was a teenager or young man. I was never accepted but I didn’t now; They Knew; I didn’t have a chance… !
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On some more serious cases; the women lead me on and I didn’t know it; I thought I was being accepted for who I am on the inside; as a human being; Nothing; and I mean nothing could be further from the truth; These women were repulsed by me; They thought they were 100000miles up from me. Better then me; superior to me; Maybe they were; occurding to the value standards of my society; Certainly not the standards God presented to me; For I have value in Gods eyes; just not in those society peoples eyes. I was invisible to people. I meant nothing people. They never took me seriously and much worse then that. I was not considered part of society; or their society... I was an outcast; well; not even that; worse; completely non existant... laughable to them.
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I didn’t know. I didn’t know I had no chance; I didnt know I had no chance! for it was all about society; who you know and economic status. I didn’t know and I didn’t have any of that; I had nothing; I was in a unique social position; I was INVISIBLE. And I never found anyone group I was accepted to …
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I fit into nothing; But then; Jesus Christ didn’t fit into anything either.
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The church people wanted nothing to do with me; they saw me as a scurge! A nobody. Not worth the time to spit on! So I left there and never went back…
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Middle class people; wanted nothing to do with me; they saw me as a scurge! A nobody. Not worth the time to spit on! So I left alone; and never went back…
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My intellect, personality, soul, spirit; meant nothing to everyone; No one cared. Ive been told by people and by women; They Dont Love Me! Meaning; they will never accept me as a person ever…
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So; here I am now…
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THE POINT:
God wanted me to began to see that it was not personal; some of the people in society that rejected me; they were going to reject me anyway; they would never accept me and would never have accepted me under any circumstances. They dont accept invisible nobodies...
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I needed to learn to back away from those people; for they would not be accepting me. And if I found myself around them; before I ever get involved with them or think about getting involved with them; back away from them. For they would never accept me or anyone like me. They were never going to accept me. They would have played me to death; for I am of the most vile nature and wrath to them. I am the enemy of those Ivy league type people. They consider me the biggest scurge. I would have not known this; but they would. They never wanted me within a 1000 miles of them; and I should do what they asked and never be within 1000 miles of them.
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I live in one of the biggest caste systems within any country in the world; Everything is about money; social position; who you know and what neighborhood one comes from; or atleast it was that way years ago. I am an old man now; so; I may be talking about what it was like 45, 50 60 years ago… I don’t think its changed; but theirs not the money anymore like their used to be… I dont think; I dont know; Im an old man.
Anyway;
The point is; some of the women I loved when young; they would never love me or want anything to do with me regardless if I thought they liked me or not; They would not; I simply didn’t have the economic means to even be seen. I; on my own was invisible; and these type of women I liked laughed at people like me… They wanted me dead; I meant nothing to these type of people. I was of minus value not just no-value; I never knew until it was 2 late. I would never fit in with anyone; only who God brought me and no other possiblity. Everything through GOd...
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SO: WHAT AM I SAYING:
God is teaching me to backtrack out away from these people; of any memories of those people; if I imagine being with them or remember being with them in my imagination; just remember; they are not my friends; they are staging everything; For they would never like someone like me. I was liked by God and only God; no one else…
I have to see myself backing away from these people. See myself with them; as they fake their smiles and their intents when around me; Suddenly see myself start to back track; back away from them one step at a time slowly; slowly taking a step back; one step at a time… backtracking away from them; They are not my friends; they never were and never would be and never will be. I had made a mistake; I didn’t understand economic status when I was very young. I would have never been accepted no matter what I did…
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Only God accepts me. And maybe who God brings through God to accept me; but that would take much work on my part to build up that kind of thing with God… We will see…
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As Long as Im with God; thats what counts…
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SO: WHAT AM I SAYING;
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Im saying; the fact I wasnt good enough for anyone; also gives a direct answer to some of the problems of rejection by others when young; they saw me as of no value and beneath them status wize; socially speaking. SO; they were never my friends and never going to be; never going to be with me… They were my enemies; and thus I needed to back away from them the way I came; and never go back around them ever again; they were not my friends…
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NOTE: If one is even in the same room with these type of people; they will try to destroy me anyway they can... THey will not stop at shutting me down... THey hate people like me; they hate GOd... I am a friend to GOd and GOd is a friend to me... ANd they hate that God is friends with me! They want me dead!
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Whats important is not those people or what they think of me; What is important is following and praying to GOd and its Gods will not mine... Thats what I have to work on. Just staying with God... in Gods vortex or realm and letting the others go... let everything else Go... Just stay in Gods realm.
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GO back and stay with God…
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