July 2025
June 2025
At this point Im a guy that is 40 years behind… But; that is not the exact truth. But it is; The difference; Im actually out of my hidden shell; Ive done the work and kind of stepped outward for the first time. Im like someone 40 years younger but actually stepping out a bit for real.. Ive worked on my past; Im like present and beat up. Im here tho… Im weak but awake…
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Ive talked to women and had a little bit of popularity with women.. Ive had a few women Ive talked with; had some really good conversations; And for some; Ive gotten numbers; and with some Ive called and text a few times. But thinking I was close; I never got anywhere… I was ghosted…
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So; here I am. Im like “ OUT HERE”. “ OUTSIDE”.
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Id like to meet a thousand women and just start dating again. Im in that place; its very scary… really terrifying. Im in that learning place… re learning.
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Ill work with God to start over here and get started. The idea is to bring girlfriends back into my life… I have no past basically. No Past. Accept my mental illness problems.. Im better tho; but my mind is weak….
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And I have to learn to work with God and go forward… Im literally starting at the beginning.
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I mean that; Its like its Its like its 45-50 year ago. And Im starting out… Im OK; I have no experience. I don’t have confidence or do I like myself or not like myself.
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Im just someone trying to live my life…
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Im start over start really for the first time. No past…
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Many things I understand about my desires…
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The biggest challenge is with women. Breaking the code so I can date someone; have a girlfriend. Thats my interest; what Im working on under God.
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The goal is to work with God; And have God manifest what I want. So; Im not in control; God is.
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I have no idea what Im looking for in women; I just don’t know. I mean; I want someone beautiful and someone that is my best friend… Ill work with God on this… That is the goal.
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The idea of abundance with women is alien to me. But I have to understand I don’t know anything. Im learning this for the first time; much like a teenager learns this for the first time.
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I have to start out; I need helpers; people that want to help; that care.. Sent by God. So; they can help.
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Ill work with God on it. This part of my life is where Im at. And I want it to develop so I can be developed in this part of life.
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Im broken in this part of life and need help. So; Ill work with God and pray for help from God…
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I don’t have strength; I do but Im sensitive person. I need and want someone to talk to; to talk to her about her stuff and working her stuff out… interaction; Intelligence.
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Ill have to go through numbers. Meaning; Ill have to work through many people I guess until I meet the kind of people that respect me. Thats what Im looking for…
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When a women shifts Because I have no strength; I can show up for my struggle; torn destroyed; broken; beat up from the street up; I will never claim to be anything else; I would still be grounded in my mental illness problems; but grounded still; When a women's respect turns on me because of this stuff; I want the option to find a new lady; and get the Hell out of there…
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I need someone to be at my level; Ive got my problems and don’t want to hide them. I don’t want to hide my weakness; I just want to be myself and be liked for it.
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For a women who mis understands me; Id just assume move on…
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Im not a real man; I am a man…
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I just want to be myself; I don’t want to prove my manhood…
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I just am as I am…
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Im lost Im scared; I don’t know who I am; Listen to me. Be their for me; be interested in me. Be my support; meaning you got my back. I have to have a real friend…
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So; Finding these people. That is the goal.
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I want her as my rescue’r
As my best friend…
As my girlfriend.
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As what ever someone who is in honer with me; It means someone who cares about me. Worries about me; I mean something to them if they never see me again…
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I want someone that understands their a deeper world they cant see.
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For example; a shallow person; if I had a car and it was sitting outside. They would see the car with their senses; They would agree there is a car. Now; if I put the car in a garage and the garage door is down; They claim theirs no car because they cant see one. And the reason they cant see it; its in the garage… They don’t care or have to care to think any deeper… I don’t want privilege people around me like that.
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What am I really trying to say. Im on this beginning journey of meeting people to date; Wish me luck.
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One main goal is to have a wife and family.
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So… Ive got a whole lot a work ahead of me to regain my manhood and a strong identity. And thats what Im working on.
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My goal is experience; and abundance when it comes to women… meeting a whole lot of them; talking to a whole lot of them; asking them out; dating them… regardless of outcome… I need that gap filled up of experience.
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Not done writing yet…
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Working with God; Because Im going to get hurt out here… I hope not but its already happened; but players who are just playing games and could careless.. I was easily lied to and manipulated.
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I have no past; no one owes me anything; So; I want to get started…
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The last thing Ill say about this; this is an area that has got to be mastered… So; I must get this figured out and done with; meaning figured out.
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SO far they are not smart enough and don’t appreciate anything. I might be just what they were hoping for but never get a chance; but ghost at the slightest moment where they might have to show enough character and decency to ask what is really going on in a situation. Im simply suggesting the idea of needing and wanting someone I can trust. Im not talking about controlling someone. But I guess I can kind of feel that coming out from these statements. Ill look into that.. Im not sure what that means…
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Ill have to work with God on all of this.
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I just want someone that is actually my friend…
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