Blog;
2 areas of interest for this blog…
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A. Relationships
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B. Art work…
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FIRST LOVE; from my early teenage years; an unfortunate nightmare that destroyed me for some 40 years: What happened; would she have given me a relationship or not. Or; did she want one or not. Was I just being fooled; and it was all a lie… I have to know… This is the next level of knowledge I want and need. She was no friend of mine.. She was never a friend of mine.
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NOTE; To move on from First Love; I must know if anything was real or not. Was their a possibility of a relationship; did she give me the opportunity for a relationship or not; Ill continue to work 4th steps on resentment work around her… and go deeper and talk to God for help. A major area of this is not completed; More work must be done.
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At this level of pain and history; what this situation did to me; I want answers. I want answer because when I have complete answers I can move on… So; Im working with God to work through this…
Ill keep working with God on this; amen…
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I kind of want to take back all the effort I put out… and take it back and keep it to myself and then give through God to new people God is sending me. I can see this was a trail run; not the real thing. So I must get myself back; my identity… and I must find out if this was a trial run or the real thing.
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ART WORK; What will it take for me to create Art work; I really need to know a purpose. What is the Art for; where does it go. I need a connection for it in the outside world; Amen…
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Im getting the feeling I have to go deeper; meaning be brought to my knees in front of God on this one.. I don’t know what else to do. I have to be brought to the bare bones on this subject… right down to the ground where I believe Im creating simply because I like it. But Ill have to work with God on this… I still have allot of resentments concerning all of this and making Art… Amen.
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So; Im talking about Pre Artist build up to creating Art. Its like; I need more basic desire to create; like I have to be forged n the fire longer for things to happen… Brought before God on my knees every time until there are no more expectations… I know Im headed in the right direction. I don’t know much more then that…
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DRUMMING; Ill need maybe a few years to prove myself. To prove it to God; God will take care of me…
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NOTE; Stalkers at meetings are also a problems. I have called the police about it; I have to call again I guess or talk to a lawyer… Pray about it…