New Blog
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1. The child in me is now awake; He is curiously looking around… He does see me but Im suppose to take care of myself with God while he takes care of himself trying to figure out where he is… He has been materialized again by God; Resurrected. He is here!
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Goals…
And the changes that have been occurring….
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A list of Goals;
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Wife
Money
House
Car
Talents
Hobbies
Education
Occupation
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Whats grown in my Goal concept.
Whats grown in my imagination…
I must see it in my imagination first…
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1. Wife;
A. Asian soulmate is presented again with feeling from Higher power as Direction
B. Had interactions several months ago with real people; Showing I can interact and ask for what I want; I can call and ask for what I want; and show up and interact with others after asking for what I want… So; Im showing I can be part of the process in the real world.
C. Saw 3D visual of someone in my imagination; a women bending over a table at Christmas or Thanks giving or Halloween… She had a skirt on; cream color; she has a thin waist and blondy golden kind of hair… IT is blurry; cant see the details… and I can feel; Im 2 bashful to approach her in my imagination. Its like Im seeing her through a thick glass jar.
D. Yesterday; told by the Stars; by the Universe; Sunny Jesus and Holy spiritus- The forcable tribe planets that take human form and control the universe; Jesus is one of them… He is the son of the Stars; Those interactions I had with people several months ago; That was the BEGINNING of my new development in my new life; That means Its already started and Ive proven I passed the test already…
E. More honest about what is going on and what is stopping me; My pride and Ego. I believe more in my defenses then having a life or wife… Im married to my revenge and hatred of society then to love a wife… OK; That is a GAP; And that is called laziness; id rather sleep and dream then have a real life or a real wife and all that interaction that goes with it; its easier just to hide under a caverness expansion of leaves and a plastic tarp tied down to my loneliness…
F… Asking the Tribe for help… telling the tribe the problem. Women belong to the tribe; a man has to become “In the tribe” to get what belongs to the tribe. He must pass certain tests and be entered into the tribe; then he has a pick of the women in the tribe…
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G. Their might be a few more things; I cant think of them right now…
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MONEY;
Well; A bit of confidence or movement; I might feel just a bit; just a smudge smidge forward; of pressure by the universe waking things up a bit; a bit of force… maybe; like a wind coming through a hallway or warehouse with all those boxes and crates of goods…. Yes! Just a bit…
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Car
1. Type of car; Small Truck; And maybe SuV maybe with the same function; a back open area to put stuff; but Im just guessing on the SUV thing. Im much more sure of the small truck.
2. Price; 3500$ Dont know what this means; I would assume a small truck will cost me more then this.. However; this is the number flashed in front of my eyes… I don’t know what it means but I believe it came from the universe
3. Color; I would like the color purple; but nothing has come from the universe accept an acceptance of a truck I saw the other day; one I was putting my big in the back of… Silver….
4. Im watching more channels on car mechanics and stuff; as If I want to take responsibility for my own car some day; keep this up. And Im getting used to the idea of having a car… That does not mean much for the real world yet; its a great thing tho considering starting out… its great that any of this is self actualizing itself in my imagination.
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House;
1. Saw myself invited into someone elses house; saw the frequency of it; to be invited and asked to live there. This came from the universe. I don’t know anything else… Nothing… Saw it in my imagination… I have no idea where this goes or for what reason…
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Talents;
1. Break things down into parts; Like 6 or 10 parts
2. Just duplicate the basic foundational structures and then paint over them or add paint. What does that mean. If I want to create a vase painting; get a picture of vase; draw its dimensions correctly; flawlessly; and this can be done; perfect symmetry; this is about craft or draftsmanship or craftsmanship; not intellect or talent; its about work ethic; just slow down and get it perfect; the dimensions of the drawing and then Paint by numbers; look at the same subject in a picture on the net and copy it… Meaning; repaint my picture as its painted in the pic on the computer screen.
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For example; if I want to create a picture of horse; first create the drawing of a horse by tracing over an actual picture of a horse; that way it has perfect symmetry. Next; Look at the picture of the horse and just paint by numbers; it the head of the horse has 3 colors; just block off there those colors are on the head and paint them just as I see from the picture… and for the rest of the body of the horse; do the same…
Do this first; learn to paint realistically first; really get good at it and at different vantage points and learn the shading.
I would almost say learn both procedures; the drawing and then the painting… Drawing also adds perspective and shadowing and light.
3. Do the same with music and art and writing…
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MUSIC; mold like clay. Just create a beat or something; and start molding with sound; little bits a time and just play with it like its clay then stop then go back and add a little more… and keep going until a song forms… and then write lyrics… same way… Just keep going… When ready to perform; learn the lyrics first; memorize them.
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Writing stories… Write and complete and finish; Study others works and writing work shops.
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VIDEO; Make videos using all 3 Art mediums; Music Art Writing.; Standards are of the day. The point of this is to get to a point through practice that I create video stories with music and Art that one could put on a youtube channel and have others watch because the quality on all fronts was good enough… Cant say it any better; Standards… I have to learn how to work… I have to learn how to work long hours…. I have to learn how to work long hours and finish what I start; Work ethic is of the day.
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EDUCATION;
I know what I would get degrees in… I know some of it.
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1. Physics and or mathematics with masters degree in outer-space; Astronomy.
2. Masters degree in Music theory
3. Masters degree; MFA
4. Master or Doctoral in Art History… Or masters in Art History…
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Is any of this possible.
Well; My ability to finish a class, show up for a class, and want to do well in the class and work to get a great grade in the class; to sacrifice; commitment; Yes; these things are freed up for me now I believe… I can feel it. Im free in these areas of going after what I want…
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However; My nervous system is still messed up and trauma disabled. So…..
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Hobbies; 2 Hobbies; Im OK with these…
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OCCUPATION;
A great thing has happened; I felt the walls come down within my nervous system and imagination. I saw and felt a freedom overcome me. I could see myself going back to the concept of societal work; The philosophical view of work… What does this mean to me? It means putting in a full day of activity outside the 12 step groups; it means being outside the 12 step groups back in society in regular life again working at things in life; in culture, in the city and so forth….
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Being part of society again; being in it and working… at what ever.. but expressing myself in a healthy way in regular life; not needing to go to 12 step meeting to express myself; getting strong enough to be outside and part of things again.
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This is an assessment of where Im at now…
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All of these things; most of it; is whats happening in my imagination… This is of the most importance because the growth and opening up; occur first in my imagination until Im strong enough to have it match the outside world…
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The idea is; Ill be playing the role of parents for my inner child; God, Universe, Holy spirit, Jesus and Angles… And myself; The Galaxy team…. Helping me to get back on my feet and to believe again.
It takes allot of work to get back up to speed back in society from where I was at before…. I have to write allot of new stories; new narratives for myself; and go to a tremendous amount of 12 step groups; where I play therapy needer.. I open up and talk about my frustrations and solutions; Ive been to about 40,000 meetings in my life time I think. About 30 years worth; its taken that many for me to get to where Im at now…
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The point is; Im slowly learning to trust God again and come back into some form of middle class values again… amen!
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Im being re worked into my original life again; In a positive sense…
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This will take time; Its about believing I can obtain a under Gods direction; and sovereign state; a wife; house car money, talents used; Hobbies; Education occupation…
If its meant to be; through God and the rest will come from me… And come from God; you will see… I get on my knees and pray and God supplies… And thats the kind of faith I need… How I work with the universe; meditation and prayer and writing new stories as if Im already living the dream of what I desire; writing stories from a point of view as if Im already their and loving it.
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Is this hard; extremely hard to write stories about a future as if im already their; it takes much practice to pull off.
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However; that is the goal.