July 2025
June 2025
So; After working with the universe on working through past relationships; I finally realize; with the help of the universe; In most if not all cases; I was used; thats all that happened. In some cases; things were even worse; did not fair so well. I got very personally involved with others; Alas they were playing me and had no emotional interest in me. I meant nothing to them; they could care less; I was used.
(NOTE); Dangerous; I have to remember how all of this got me into trouble when young. I found myself around others; but they were the wrong people; Witches in Sheep's clothing; I never saw it; nothing... until it was way way way to-late...
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As I wake up; I realize I was trying to develop a relationship based on friendship with others when younger; not on looks or anything else. I wanted a bond between me and the other person with a base of God... And that was my strong point...
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(NOTE); I was unaware when young of the CASTE system in my country; This means; I had to learn to only attempt friendship with someone down my own money level lane. When young I was attempting to become friends with girls from much better placement in life then I had. I did not know about Hypergamy. Hypergamy means; a women will always look for more (Money)(looks)(status);not less when developing a new relationship. If a woman can date guys at Ivy league schools; come from a background of upper middle class wealth or stronger middle class wealth; has many advantages and is fairly pretty and thin or in shape; She will look at her options... and take the best she can. Will she consider something like happiness and friendship?; Only with a guy she likes... And that means the high end choices out of all the choices she has... That means money, looks status, social position... and so on....
How do I fit into all this... In my past; I DIDNT! I never came close to the grade these women naturally had options for. THus; when I met women like this; I innocently thought I would start friendships with them; My idea was to find a future best friend and wife. Unfortunately thats not what happened. What did happen? I GOT USED. At times; I was continually used for months and months and months by people who were laughing behind my back and wanted nothing to do with me; Thought I was a joke and I meant nothing to them... They were proud to lie to me and use me completely; It was nothing for them but a game they practiced because they knew they could get away with it... I did not know what was going on..... I was Innocent...
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I was on my way to developing these friendships; but I was doing it innocently and wrong... I could have done it right but I wasnt aware of that... Anyway... Thats another blog. Basically I had picked dangerous people to give my personal emotions to...
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REWRITING STORIES TO MAKE THEM RIGHT>.....
So; Ive been rewriting stories of the past about past relationships; Ive been dialoguing playing both rolls; Myself and the women from the past. In Dialogue form; Her dialog is very simple or small; For example; " OK Omnicell"; Thats all she says to what ever Im expressing...
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So; I moved into a new area of development in a relationship I was re creating on paper; I imagined I walked over to her place; sat with her... told her I was interested in friendship development; Real friendship; based on God/prayer... She was ok with that; in my imagination.
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So I started telling her about God and then prayed and showed her how to pray for both of us; and she did... in my imagination.
By doing this; developing friendship on paper; Im actually practicing developing friendship in my imagination; Im back doing it again; but this time I wont be going into freeze mode and running away like I did with the original person. This time if i get freeze mode. I stop writing and then I come back; I explain to the other person on paper; what had just happened; that I ran away but Im back now and I want to continue. I explain that I need their help so I can sustain myself and keep at this building a friendship; Is that ok with her? And she answers; OK Omnicell... Again; all of this is being done on paper and in my imagination.
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Here's the point;
I broke through into the concept of "deeper relationship" from writing on paper; Its all in my imagination; it happened on paper but my subconscious doesn't know the difference. So; its like gaining real experience; and my confidence to be friends with someone in the real world right now is growing because of it. So writing stories about having new friends and participating in those friendships; is actually building confidence just by writing new stories. However; ive got to write allot of stories; Hundreds of hours worth. Im seeing a difference in myself now; when outside in the real world interacting with others Im seeing differences... I have not developed any new friendships yet from all this... I havent started yet.
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INTO THE PRESENT:
Im at the store; Im heading to the deli windows; A women shows up next to me and the first brutally strong feeling comes over me; To want to develop a strong friendship; those new friendship feelings are flying. So; I certainly didnt bother this girl next to me; certainly I kept my feelings and thoughts to myself.. it really wasn't about her...( I was triggered); It could have been any women I guess; for now; the point is; Suddenly IM BACK; Im back ready to create friendships with women again; strooooooong friendship feelings; I mean; its powerful... This being a lead in to a romantic relationship; Im not talking about friendzone stuff...
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The reason this is happening is because Ive worked so hard on working through the past and the past is gone and now all my energy is going into the present because it has no other place to focus.
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ITS NOT EASY;
From the past; the women I knew; Some were like little girls to me and I was their father taking care of the little girl in them; only to find out they faked me out and used me and I would never see them again. And they never had a little girl in them connecting with me; it was faked and a lie.
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No one wants to go through more of that; my whole future relationship ability to have a family was destroyed... I was innocent!
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TOday; I work with God And I start out as I am...
I go to 12 step meetings in the basement of a church; Im on SSI; I have foodstamps... I have no car. I live in housing that has allot of homeless people from the street. I was homeless many years ago; so I qualified for it; even tho I wasnt homeless at the time; It gave me a new place to start; so I went for it.
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I have no money; Not from a womens perspective; And thats the truth. And Ill work with God and the truth... Ill work with the laws of attraction... and success based thinking process and manifest someone down my God Pathway... It takes a large bit a work to believe... So....
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Anyway; Im not lying about who I am this time.
I am ancient; OOLD man! So; Who knows...
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All I know; ITs starting again in the present; Just like it did when young.
Our partner
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