June 2025
May 2025
Blog;
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Ive talked allot about occupational ideas concerning things in the focus of Art/Writing/Music Creation.
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Ive talked about the years of being locked out of everything concerning occupation; meaning Hobbies and interests and callings, purposes; and so forth.
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However; now after much work; Years of working with God on things. One step at a time; with the help of others; walls are coming down…
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And Im showing signs of being organized…
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Im now working with others recreation-ally in these areas of the Arts; Im showing commitment signs to the Arts; creation process…
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Ive made enough advancements in this area that Im kind of on my own a bit and standing on my own 2 feet.
I think in the future blogs; Ill write about the work ethics involved as Im in the middle of the process of creating; The work ethic is now the concern around this… Learning to work more at it; putting in a little more time at a time… slowly; just slowly advancing naturally. However; Im truly at the beginning of all of this; meaning; Now that Im actually doing things in the real world. Im kind of in the real world now dealing with all of this again. Well; The fake and shadow life/ fantasy field Ive been living in; Ive stepped out of that with Gods help. Im now on the other side…
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Im on the others side very new and with no experience working at things in the real world. So; Ill keep working with God on all of this and report my challenges when they occur or need to be.
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RELATIONSHIPS;
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Where am I at in the overall development of relationship brought back into my life.
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After the last brutal rounds of Mental breakdowns; breaks from reality where I was put on social security and put out to fenced world of grassy knolls and salt feeding beens for the live stock; A place I could live out my days in La La land and not bother anyone.
Its seems; Those days are over… Im now committed to a fully developed recovery that is gaining confidence. I may never regain self fully; but Im certainly showing signs of creeping up on a solid belief in the concept of rehabilitation. I would say Ive moved into that realm in some protective realms; and realms with opportunities to get help developing; A general person development for all aspects of maturity and right thinking citizen ship within my civilization and society.
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What does all this mean; It means Ive made inroads into society and Im now part of society in small but solid ways… Ive made foundational moves into society where small foundations have been established and Im now growing like a plant at these locations with in society.
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This means I crossed from being Deranged back into some forms of sanity. This means Im stronger now; a bit stronger mentally; enough for my feet to hit the ground in a stability; some levels of stability.
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Its a start; its just enough grounding to stay present and take a few chances that will enhance my developmental interests…
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RELATIONSHIPS:
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Zero; I know nothing. Nothing; Nothing.
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The authentic me never got beyond a kid. And when I get in touch with myself; my innocent inner being; Im a kid. That child has had no relationships; Ive had liars and perpetrators try to get at me at that inner level; inner core; but they were unable to get at me.
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Actually in safe normal places; healthy situations; Never been in any so never had any relationships.
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I had thoughts of relationships; desires or dreamy interests of what it would be like when I grow up from child level; but it never happened.
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I tried once, I timidly actually approached someone; But; I got shot down before I ever started; devastated I turned and walked away never to return… So; This did not count as an authentic situation because no situation ever occurred; I as shot down long before I even really know their name…
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SO, Here I am now…
Maybe for the first time to authentically learn from the ground up; with help from others; How to start out with nothing but a desire for an authentic relationship with someone…
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It feels like; Im Back Again; Back again to give it try; this time under new supervision. Ive got the Galaxy Justice league; My space people looking after me; God; Jesus; Holy spiritus; And the Blue mighty Angels of God; Gods Army; they look after me.
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I have sponsors and 12 step groups and many women I can talk to about relationships… getting help; to learn to understand.
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So; Im here again. Im scared; I don’t want to get run through; or slaughtered; like before.
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Ill be talking to my sponsor today about starting the beginning of this new campaign.
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FIRST: let me say a grounding a ground work has been established; I can talk to certain women and talk to them about my feelings and such….
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So; I have been talking to women. And OK.
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The major obstetrical are;
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1. Finding, talking to the right women\ in the right environments; at the right frequencies…
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2. Breaking down past defenses and learning to understand when to hold them show them and fold them; my intentions; and ( what does God want me to do and what direction did God want me to go).
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Working through those defenses by humbling myself to God; Ive done this before with occupation activity stuff…
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So; Ill talk to my sponsor today and that shall mark the start of this journey! Amen.
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