I was reading my Twitter timeline and someone tweeted that they had had their last cigarette, 4 years ago today.

I thought, 'Wow. Good for them. They picked the last day of a... OMG! I'm at the end of MY 4th month of not gambling!!!!'

Today is it. I have 4 solid months of being gambling free!

AND I'd forgotten.

THAT is the gift. The real gift. Not thinking about it. I'm not dwelling on the addiction. I'm not counting days. I'm not trying to get to a day. Apparently, I'm there. I'm living life and enjoying it again. My behavior is changing. I'm not the gambler trying to get out, I'm the ex-gambler celebrating an anniversary that showed up and caught me by surprise.

Don't get me wrong. I knew it was coming. But for the last few days I haven't thought about the whole addiction thing as other things popped up to take my attention. And today just showed up anyway. I'm totally okay with that. It's like a double celebration really. An anniversary AND a life that doesn't revolve around gambling or the addiction to it. Though, I AM still obsessed with NOT gambling, go figure . I actually enjoy the whole 'ex-gambler' experience. Noticing the changes in my life - the finances, attitude, peace... hell, even boredom sometimes, that comes from being free again. So the fact that even THAT escaped my notice for a few days, is awe inspiring.

It's hard to believe that tomorrow I'm into month 5. I am sitting in a place in my life that 4 months ago I thought was just a pipe dream. It just seemed so impossible - so hard, and so, so unlikely. Yet, here I am. I'm so incredibly grateful right now, words can't describe it.

At the end of my 3rd month I spent days waiting for it. It was exciting and I was pumped. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole process of counting down to the end of my 3rd month. I deserved the fun, the excitement and the great feelings. THIS anniversary, just the opposite. It came as a surprise because I was simply living and thinking of other things. And that's even better!

This 'surprise anniversary' shows me that I'm well on my way to a healthier, happier life. NOT thinking about gambling obsessively is becoming the 'norm' and I've got a real chance here to rewrite how my life plays out. THAT is a gift worth keeping, and I intend to do just that.

I will always be one bet away from becoming an active addict again, so I will never get too complacent, but what a joy to be able to see it doesn't own me anymore. It doesn't have the power to be the driving force in my day to day life anymore. Now I do. I have that power back.

So Happy Surprise Anniversary to me. And on a long weekend too. God, it's good to be alive - again.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.