I just spent an hour writing a blog entry and when I hit 'preview' it asked me to log on again. I did, and the blog post was gone.

Now THAT is frustrating!

But maybe it's an opportunity. I am NOT going to rewrite it (but it was, I hope, uplifting) because frankly, I simply type as I think. I couldn't possibly remember it all from scratch. So... I'll just keep thinking and typing and see where it goes.

The gist of the lost blog was about how good it feels to be recovering, and how much I wished the feelings I have now for all of you reading this.

What are those feelings? Peace of mind. Calm. Joy. Happiness. Also fear. Worry. Sadness. Wonder. Hope. And even boredom. It's not really so much the feeling themselves, but the depth. I REALLY feel now. Back in my gambling days, I was more numb than actually 'feeling'. And the main ones back then were fear and panic and despair. Haven't felt those for awhile, but between you and me, thank God I was numb. Those were brutal feelings to live with day after day.

I look forward to going to bed now. It's a luxury to lay my head on my pillow and feel good as I drift off. It feels good to wake up too. I look forward to the day now.

That's amazing when I look back just over a year ago. I used to dread bed, because I'd lay there in a sweat wondering what I was going to do (I was always in a financial crisis) and wishing the night would last for years so I didn't have to wake up and face the consequences of my latest gambling binge and complete loss.

God, that was a horrible time. But now? Now I smile all the way to my eyes. I laugh from the belly. I cry from my heart. I really, really feel again, and it's fantastic. It's... well... fanfrickingtastic!

I don't write all this to brag (though God knows I've earned that right), but rather to give you (hopefully) a taste of what's in store for you too on the road to recovery. Financial problems slowly go away with time, if you stop gambling. I'm now at a point where I'm down substantially from my initial debt and thanks to my budget I haven't been short on cash for I don't know how long. If I want something, I can buy it - provided it's not a Lamborghini.

I just want anyone reading this who's still hurting to know this simple truth. Your life is still waiting for you. Everything good about you is still alive. YOU can be YOU again. Success is always waiting and failure is always temporary. Believe that. Because it's true.

I sincerely hope that your last slip was your LAST slip. Mine was for me, and I can tell you once it is, life gets good again fast. Remember I had my first day of quitting (again) a year and four month's ago and look how far I've come! Here's hoping this day is that first day (or week, or month or whatever) for you! Because you're on a journey that's worth every step, Every single step.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.